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fellowtraveler -> RE: Daddy Dom, Master, Dom Which R U and why? (12/3/2010 6:51:40 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisManegirl
quote:
Katylied
Actually people in vanilla relationships also communicate at high levels. You may be shocked to know that they also have long and healthy relationships. Being kinky isn't that special.
I said many people not all, I know a lot of my vanilla male and female friends are not interested in sex, due to boredom with their partner. They have told me they don't enjoy it and would rather not bother at all. They have also told me they just don"t even talk about it with their partners. The communication that is stressed in everything I read regarding BDSM I believe enhances the experience. Variety adds to your sex life and it seems to me there are so many more avenues to experience variety in the Lifestyle compared to vanilla sex.
No I'm not shocked that some vanilla people have long healthy relationships, but many do not due to lack of communication and fear of voicing their desires and being judged. So they just settle.
As I'm sure there are many people in BDSM relationships who desire longer healthier relationships, but don't have them- which is why they are looking on here.
"Special" is another personal opinion and I choose to see my lifestyle as special.
May I first point out that I have read all of your posts on this thread and find you to be amazingly insightful and brilliant. Your dominant (whether daddy-do, gorean master or sadist) is very fortunate to have found someone so bright to work with.
I have a little to add to your first question, at least as it pertains to me. For me, the difference between a "daddy-dom" or a sadist or any of the other things that dominant men call themselves and submissive women (and sometimes men) call them, is the nature of the relationship. I am not sure where I fit in the spectrum. Honestly, I don't care for any of the monikers. I would probably fall under the daddy-dom heading, but I have no interest in having a sexual relationship with my daughter (if I had one). I also would have no interest in giving a daughter opportunities to delve deeper and deeper into her obedience to me. The goal is actually the opposite, as a parent, one's goal is to ultimately teach their children to be independent and able to face the world on their own. As a dominant, my goal is to create a world for my submissive where she becomes increasingly reliant on my reality. I make that world safe and secure for her and I help her to retreat deeper and deeper into it. I am not "parenting" her. The goal is very different. Further, a parent gives and gives to his childrfen. As a dominant I give to my submissive, but I take too. I see little correlation between a daddy (father) and a dominant actually.
What I am is a dominant man. Whether that dominance takes the form of sadist, nurturer, lover, friend, husband, doctor, teacher, partner, tormenter, servant, inquisitor or supporter depends on my perspective of the needs of the relationship and my submissive at a given time. What makes me the dominant and her the submissive is the fact that I will make the decision and she will live with it. No, scratch that, she will embrace it and it will become her reality. At the very least she will endeavor to embrace it and make it her reality.
I have had four relationships in my life. All of them have been D/s relationships, even before I knew what a D/s relationship was. What we did and how we did it (sexually, socially and personally) was different in all of them. In a couple I was more sadistic and in a couple I was more nurturing, depending on the needs of the woman I was with. So, what "type" of dominant I am is a product of the relationship. First I choose the submissive (based on a lot of criteria that have little to do with D/s) and then I create the world and environment that that relationship will thrive in. Sadly, where I have failed in the past, it has been because I did not remain true to that dynamic.... but thats another thread.
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