hausboy
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Joined: 9/5/2010
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OP
Every "sex club" and party is going to be different, depending upon the city it's in, the host/hostess and the party attendees. I've attended events in cities all over the U.S.--each one had it's own "feel" to it.
Some BDSM clubs are large, multi-story sites--others, barely one large room. In some cases, there will be a place to put coats/clothes, usually a social area where there may be refreshments/protein for those playing and talking in a reasonable tone of voice is allowed. In the play areas, talking should be limited to a whisper and find a spot to observe a scene a good distance away. Some clubs have separate areas for different activities (i.e. a noisy scene room may be separate from the room where fucking/fisting happens)
You do not want to get in the way of a backswing, nor be breathing over the shoulder of someone having an intense, intimate scene. There are plenty of links out there on party etiquette--I strongly urge you to read them first. Many clubs have rules about drugs or alcohol--personally, I always suggest avoiding both of these indulgences. They cloud your judgement. Be yourself.
Don't touch anyone without asking....don't use someone else's toys or touch toys without their permission--generally stay out the way unless you are specifically invited to help/join in. For sex parties, just because someone is naked and getting screwed by others, doesn't mean it's an open invitation for you, so always be polite and ask, and do not take rejection personally. Act respectful and professional. All sex should be safer sex, regardless of club rules (although most require it). In that vein, find out ahead of time any club rules about masturbation. Some allow it only in certain areas--if it is allowed, keep a GOOD distance away from the scene unless invited. Most do not want a stranger jacking off right in their scene. Be sure if you ejaculate, it's "contained." Spewing on a guest will get you tossed without an invitation back.
Your best bet is to first meet with local people in your area to get to know folks first, understand the dynamics/etiquette that pertains to your group/club/party and go with the assumption that you WON'T be having sex, but you will have a good time and get to see some interesting things. If you do get lucky, well, hooray for you--but as a new person, don't count on it.
Read up on party etiquette, and remember that certains types of clubs will have very specific etiquette (such as FemDom groups). There may (or may not) be dress codes--find this out BEFORE you go. FemDom groups may require male attendees to wear only a thong/jock and a collar, for example. If street clothes are allowed, and you don't have fetish wear, you typically can't go wrong with all black, or at the very least, clean jeans and an all black t-shirt to start. If it's a sex party, invest in some nice, clean underwear--boxer briefs in black are usually a safe bet. Tighty whities are usually only a welcome site at gay male clubs--.....thongs....well....have a trusted friend tell you if it's a good idea or not. If you wear boots, make sure they are polished. If you wear athetlic shoes, all black is usually better than dirty/white. Personally, anyone wearing loafers screams "tourist" to me.
Shave....shower....get a haircut--avoid cologne/heavy scents since some places ask you to refrain from those-- The point here: your appearance does matter--it's the first impression people get of you, AND women will be a lot less likely to want engage in any activity with someone who appears to be unkept or unclean.
The parties that I've thrown/clubs where I've worked--we tell folks to just watch for their first time, to get a feel for the place. If they like it, they'll come back. Don't place any huge expectations on yourself or others. If you do come back and decide you're ready for play, bring your own toy bag/supplies. Go with other friends into BDSM community (meet them at munches) so that you have someone more experienced there who can introduce you to others, help explain etiquette and keep you from doing something stupid that will get you blacklisted.
I also suggest coming on-time for the first one, meet the host, ask for a tour, offer to help even (coat check, kitchen area etc.) Upon leaving, find the host/hostess (if he/she isn't, ahem, engaged in other activity) and thank them for the party--chances are they worked hard to make sure the event ran smoothly. If you stay the whole time, offer to help clean up. Service is a great way to meet people and let them see that you are willing do to more than just gawk and fuck.
Unless of course, you just want to gawk and fuck. In that case, off you go.
Lastly--discretion. Who you see at the club, stays at the club. If you engage in conversation, remember that some folks will not want to share their real name, profession, where they live etc. until they get to trust you. Trust takes time--strangers asking personal questions will not go over well in most clubs. Being friendly is a good thing--being nosy is not.
good luck and have fun
frederich
edited for typos and to add:
some places will be very laid back....some very strict with rules. Others have the whole place rockin' and playin'....and I've been to others where no one played at all, and the party rarely left the refreshment area. There's no way to know--sometimes, if everyone at the party is new and nervous, there's a lot more talk and a lot less play. The only way to know...is to meet and go!
< Message edited by hausboy -- 12/4/2010 7:37:22 AM >
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just wondering? - 
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