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RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 4:43:06 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I'm getting a bit fed up with the unwarranted accusations and name-calling. I've tried to ignore it, even reported people when I felt it necessary, but it continues.

But hey, I might be seeing this all wrong. Maybe it's OK to call people names and make unjustified accusations against them. I don't think so, though. I just tried it, in response to the latest accusation and it hasn't really gone down that well.

Maybe I just need to get a 'thicker skin'? Why? Why shouldn't the accusers be asked to stop instead?

So - name calling and 'attacking the man and not the message'. It's all OK, isn't it? What do you think?

Greetings hertz:

If someone calls you a platypus or alleges accusations against you 24/7/365 it does not make it accurately true. What it does is give you a window into the character of the one alleging such untrue comments. There will always be those that seemingly say what can be interrupted as rabble rousing, at best.

If others amidst Virtual Reality treat you in a less than respectful mode this does not make you unworthy of being respected. It does though give you a clearer understanding of the character of the person(s) who resorts to such demeaning ways. Surely in Life there are encounters with others that do not unfold in the manner in which we might hope or expect.

However, this does not necessarily make untrue statements about anyone accurately spoken. Some people choose to conduct themselves in ways that are not exactly as you might choose to conduct yourself. Some times letting go of that which is meaningless is the higher road to traverse, aye!

Take good care of you!

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 41

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 4:43:28 PM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Now go ask mommy to change your nappy and put you down for the evening.

~stef

I don't know what I have done to offend you so much. But, I am going to take rule's advice and block you for good. I don't have to engage with your shit.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 42

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 4:45:22 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Again???

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 43

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 4:47:56 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I don't know what I have done to offend you so much. But, I am going to take rule's advice and block you for good. I don't have to engage with your shit.

Seriously... why announce it? I've reported people. I've blocked people. I don't think I've ever told anyone who and when though.

Please explain to me why you are doing this, how it's working out for you and if it's getting you the desired results.

ETA - A few times after people sent abusive PMs I told people I was blocking them from the PMs. But, at least to me, that's different that on the boards since that isn't simply one person to another. You're announcing to everyone.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/4/2010 4:49:31 PM >

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(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 44

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:01:08 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz
Maybe it's about a difference of opinion about whether or not this actually matters. I say it does, but the scornful responses from some suggest that this is not the universal opinion. I feel a poll coming on...

So who responded scornfully? It seems to me that most pixel people tried to offer you a method to deal with the problem.

You seem to be extremely sensitive. If so, you may be interpreting assertions in ways they were not intended. Are you a sub by any chance?

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 45

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:02:24 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

Are you a sub by any chance?

I find this offensive!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 46

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:06:54 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

It was not intended to be offensive. It is merely a request for information.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 47

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:08:00 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Suuurrrreeeeeee......

(If ya can't tell, I'm just messin' with ya.

)

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 48

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:09:51 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Okay. I don't mind.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 49

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:16:00 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 50

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:21:36 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz
Maybe it's about a difference of opinion about whether or not this actually matters. I say it does, but the scornful responses from some suggest that this is not the universal opinion. I feel a poll coming on...

I get upset at some of the things posted... I do whats best for me, in the situation, If its to stand my ground or log out its what I do. If you cant take the heat of the politics section. then DON'T GO THERE... I know I cant take that part of the forums so I DON'T POST THERE...

IF you are going to post on a forum, that you know gets heated on a regular hourly basis... then understand the consequences of that decision. No one is requesting you post on the forums, no one is holding a gun to your head and saying HERE DO THIS AND POST THIS NOW.....

Its no ones responsibility on the forum to coddle you because you dont like people calling you names or to follow the code of conduct you demand of them....., Collarme provides an ignore feature a report feature and best of all a little red x at the top of the screen... and if you cant find that x just use Alt +F4... like MAGIC... the name calling disappears.

Otherwise there are moderators who donate their valuable time to reviewing your reports and perusing the forums to make sure its users follow the TERMS OF SERVICE FOR THE SITE... if these Terms do not match your code of conduct or personal beliefs. Start your own website.

Eta: >_< i wasnt replying to Rule I was replying to the op

< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 12/4/2010 5:23:35 PM >

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(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 51

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:22:20 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz
Exactly my dilemma. I'm not very good at being anyone else. I am who I am, and I am who I am, here. Maybe some of you are playing by different rules - that's fine, but I'd like you to accept that some of the people you are mixing with here are real people, with real feelings and real principles and ideals.

Hertz,

I started off, some eight years ago, using a different forum very regularly. At first, I didn't treat it all as real and didn't care. Later, I realised that I was, now, feeling that I was a real person talking with other real people. I still didn't put quite as much of 'me' into it as some others - and I ended up being glad that I hadn't. A few people - one of whom's a good friend in r/t now - got hurt very badly indeed.

This friend uses different forums, now. She regularly gets insulted (she has quite 'radical' views on many things). But she doesn't give of herself anywhere near so much, so she doesn't get hurt. For myself, I could never do it any other way - but most especially now. The deeper things, the more sensitive things, that are going on with me - they're never going to get shown here. I've seen too many people get trampled.

I think it's a fine thing that you 'bare your soul', as it were, but I don't know of a way of dealing with people who take advantage of that. As I said earlier: the Internet enables people to be shitty in all sorts of ways that people just aren't used to yet. The little chubby guy who got beaten up by the big kids, the gawky woman who never got invited to parties. . . a whole host of people who've been forced to hide their angry side because it wasn't safe to show it before - can now let it out.

_____________________________

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(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 52

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:26:40 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

But that's my point, hon. On the politics forum, especially, people put their real feelings into what's being said. They do that, then they're on their way to having real relationships with one another.

So this guy's choosing to have 'real relationships' based on people hurling insults at each other? Well that's his decision, but I don't have a whole lot of sympathy when the people he's decided to have these real relationships with upset him by insulting him, if that's the foundation of their relationships.

ETA: people have the ability to choose what relationships to form (in this case by choosing where they post and who they interact with). If they find they need moderators to police those relationships then they may want to rethink their behaviour.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 12/4/2010 5:29:14 PM >

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 53

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:40:31 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
So this guy's choosing to have 'real relationships' based on people hurling insults at each other?

I don't think 'choosing' is always the right word, there. Some people just do go around without a shell, are way more open and don't really understand how to be otherwise; others start guarded and find that they've let their guard down by unconscious increments.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 54

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 5:41:45 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The reason people name call or pick holes in your profile when it has absolutely no relevance to the topic is because they want to get to you. Its bullying but I doubt they see it that way because after all, its only the internet and so not real life!
Of course its real life because if it hurts someone then it has directly affected a living human beings feelings and anything that affects a living human beings feelings is real life.
People have committed suicide over internet bullying and that is a very real fact.

I am fairly assertive in my posts. If I don't agree with something someone has said regarding a topic, then I will quote them and perhaps pull them up about it. I don't hold back because its an online friend and if they take offense at me disagreeing then its their issue and not mine. That is a lot different than name calling and getting personal.
The one thing I don't do is call people names or gang up.... grrrr I hate witnessing the gangs.

Would it bother me if a group of people started getting personal about my profile or calling me names? I think it would. I like this site but if that sorrt of thing happened I wouldn't want to come here anymore and that in itself would be disappointing.

Where I tend to see the difference in this is that, in such cases where cyber bullying have led to suicide, it was in situations where the online issues actually were connected to their real lives. The people that were being bullied had a connection between the net and the people that saw them at school (many of those cases were about teenagers or college aged adults). It was done in such a manner that shutting off the computer wasn't especially going to solve the problem, because it was an issue that wasn't electronic medium only. Laws on cyber bullying are only in their infancy, but in those instances where people have been prosecuted, the case has to be made that the bully had created a situation that had repercussions in the physical world.

To Me, that's a rather important distinction. When a person's real name is associated or they can be identified in some way, I agree with what you are saying here. I'm not so sure that I agree when it isn't. For example, Hertz isn't going to go into work and have people calling him a racist because of what is written on a board like this one. (For clarity, Hertz, that's not Me calling you a racist. I'm using the example provided by the original.) There's no real world connect, so I don't think it carries the same type of effect on an individual.

Yes, at one point or another, many of us on a board like this have people who say things that we'd rather they didn't. When it's still in the realm that all it effects is the electronic part of a person's world, I don't think it's quite as severe.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 55

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/4/2010 9:28:53 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Fight fire with gasoline.

Love this concept.

OP - just laugh at them. 9 times out of 10 that's what I do. What can they say in response?

People call me a troll because I regress into internet slang when people insult me but I just find it funny to turn their rage inward.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 56

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/5/2010 2:42:31 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

So - name calling and 'attacking the man and not the message'. It's all OK, isn't it? What do you think?

I know little about the personal part of your original post so it's not something I can address. I will, however, have a go at the quote above.

I think it's interesting to note that the FAQs thread for the message boards offers 4 seperate links on netiquette.

Speaking as someone who recently was flamed (attack is a bit strong), I actually find it sad when people need to resort to that kind of behavior.

I try very hard, if I feel the need to attack anything, to only address the topic or the words used by a person in regards to a topic instead of making it a personal flame. I admit I don't always succeed, but I sure as hell try.

As for it being OK...It's been my experience that people become much more colorful and catty with their words online because that's all they really have to work with. It really is a battle of wits (or is that wittiness) here and regardless of the "Mod watching" threat looming overhead, people will push the envelope as close to the edge as possible. Let's face it, even though the forum guidelines clearly state "This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated." we regularly see it happen. Online anonymity makes for invincibility in the minds of some folks.

What to do when things get to be too much? Close the laptop, turn off the computer, go outside and just get on with the business of living. It's not what people you don't know or may never meet say about you online...it's what you choose to do with your reaction to their words that matters.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 12/5/2010 3:01:05 AM >

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 57

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/5/2010 5:04:12 AM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I don't know what I have done to offend you so much. But, I am going to take rule's advice and block you for good. I don't have to engage with your shit.

Seriously... why announce it? I've reported people. I've blocked people. I don't think I've ever told anyone who and when though.

Please explain to me why you are doing this, how it's working out for you and if it's getting you the desired results.

ETA - A few times after people sent abusive PMs I told people I was blocking them from the PMs. But, at least to me, that's different that on the boards since that isn't simply one person to another. You're announcing to everyone.

I don't think it is unreasonable to let someone know they have been blocked. It might help them to know that what they are saying s no longer being heard. But I accept that there might be an issue about how that is done. Personally, I think that because the issue is occurring in the public domain, then a public response is not unreasonable. If I had been receiving abuse via private messaging, the I'd probably choose a private message in response. The positive thing about public responses is that it doesn't allow anyone the opportunity to twist what has been said. It is what it is. It also allows other people to gain more insight into who I am and how I respond to things. In the context of this medium, I am not sure that is a bad thing.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 58

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/5/2010 5:55:24 AM

hertz

Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline

Just to clarify, I am not asking to be molly-coddled or treated differently to anyone else. What I am asking is whether you think it is OK for some people to be just so damned unpleasant when they find themselves faced with people they disagree with. Personally, I think it's a bit shitty, but hey, that's life, right? We all need to learn to get on with those who find it difficult to relate to others without insulting them or calling them names because that's how people are, and it's unrealistic to see things in any other way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Yes, at one point or another, many of us on a board like this have people who say things that we'd rather they didn't. When it's still in the realm that all it effects is the electronic part of a person's world, I don't think it's quite as severe.

Maybe. But the net is still a new part of our world, and as time passes, its importance grows. It isn't that difficult to imagine that for many people, in time, the electronic realm could become as important and real to us as anything else. Can it really be true that electronic relationships are worth less than flesh-and-blood relationships? Can it really be true that the guy who pushes roughly past you at the supermarket is more worthy of your attention and concern than the person who regularly insults you on-line for sport? I have to say I am not convinced. Should the standards of behaviour in the electronic world really be decided by the lowest common denominator?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

Are you a sub by any chance?

Is it important? The question suggests that the problem lies with me, rather than with the people who are deliberately choosing to relate to me with insults and names. This implies that I need to change, that it is my behaviour that is unacceptable, and not the behaviour of those shouting names. Is that really the case? Genuinely, I think otherwise, but I am willing to accept the possibility that I am wrong...

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 59

RE: Name-calling - forbidden, or fun? - 12/5/2010 6:40:03 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

rofl I totally didn't realize this was you until now:

qq more little hypocrite. thx4lulz

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

mod removed post referring to Israel and propaganda thread post 124

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

Now I know's it annoy's the grammar nazi's so much, I might do this all the time. Why is it that so many people seem to be unable to just deal with it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz
But I don't expect you to give up your support for terrorism just because I do not support terrorism.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz
Tricky, I know, especially if you have to focus on not dribbling at the same time, or trying to remember your last post, but believe me, it is worth the extra effort - it stops you looking like a retard.

Note: the only reason the whole post was not removed was because it was a total of 4 quotes and only one referred a pulled post, and it was from another thread. There are also pages of responses following this post, and if the whole post is removed, the effect on the following 4 pages will remove several posts that there is nothing in them violating any guidelines even if they are predicated on other parts of this post.

Alpha

< Message edited by VideoAdminAlpha -- 12/5/2010 1:28:43 PM >

(in reply to hertz)

Post #: 60

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