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Balance - 4/29/2006 9:47:38 AM

CERCKL

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This is a term, an expression I have found myself using to define what I feel when within the D/s dynamic of relationship...and reading posts I have found this word come up over and over from both D and s...
This need for order, pattern, control seem to be quite desired, needed by alot of us...I was wondering why?

Perhaps the chaotic structure of emotional interactions, experiences seem with out value if we cannot define them? We feel overwhelmed unless defined? Being defined makes it more tangible? That element seems both comforting and at times frightening to some...

No questions that I can answer at this time, just another avenue to my own seeking, attempts at understanding...

C

Goddam, he's posting again, I thought we had gotten rid of this asshole <g>

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 9:52:22 AM

ownedgirlie

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Reading your post made me think of "Man's Search for Meaning," by Victor Frankl.

As humans, we feel we need to "belong" somewhere. The ever popular question - "Why are we hear?" is repeatedly asked. Many find that defining themselves, to whatever degree, helps find their place of belonging. Where I personally don't feel a need to be defined, I do need to know I have a place, and a purpose, and an influence. If I am not here to experience life, and to add to the experiences of others, what is the point?

Edited to add (because I just can't help myself): "Oh Rob, you're so deep." (10 points to anyone who knows what that's from

)

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 4/29/2006 9:53:13 AM >

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 10:04:07 AM

Reasonable

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Balance begins by doing a brutally honest self assessment of one's own needs,desires and goals. Fail to do this- be hazy in thought and feeling,and you will always fail miserably.

You may not always like what you find-but it at least gives you some coping tools to control it.

Knowing this,you simply seek out the lid that fits your particular "pot". For instance, an M/s master who's into heavy control and having things his way would be foolish to allow his ego to cause him to try and convert a "stubborn do-me princcess" type.

Even though it may not be as EXCITING to go with a slave who actually thrives on control and objectification-he'd be happier in the long run.

The main thing I see so often leading to discord is an unwillingness to accept practical realities. It will only bend so far to accomodate the fantasy BECOMING reality.

And reality always implies SOME degree of flexibility in adapting-no matter how small.

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 10:09:08 AM

CERCKL

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quote:

Edited to add (because I just can't help myself): "Oh Rob, you're so deep." (10 points to anyone who knows what that's from )

"The Dick Van Dyke Show"

C

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 10:12:08 AM

ownedgirlie

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(Nicely done. An extra 10 for your expediency) Gotta love Millie....Okay back to your thread...

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 10:16:38 AM

CERCKL

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I always loved Morey Amsterdam's character in that show <reminiscent smile>...ooops, back to My thread

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 10:53:50 AM

mistoferin

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Interesting post and one that made me consider my own use of the term....thank you.

I too have often said that I find balance within a relationship but after further thought I realize that balance, or an equilibrium if you will, is something that I have to find within myself. This does not come without work. One has to stay in tune with ones emotions and physical self in order to do so. Sometimes this is difficult as often times our inner voice is easily drowned out by the clatter of the outside world.

I believe that what I find, or strive to find within the context of a D/s or M/s dynamic is better defined as ballast...and direction. While I find that I can be perfectly in balance within myself if I don't have ballast and a compass point it makes it much harder to stay on course. While I can certainly survive without that stability it provides..it does make for a rougher journey.

I believe that it's something that we seek out and strive for because we all have an internal need for stability and the inner peace it provides.

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 11:16:04 AM

OTKkindaGirl

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for me, life is chaotic and rushed and D/s helps stabilize and keeps me grounded. being somewhat new to the lifestyle this is a fairly fresh opinion. i am more accepted in this realm than i am in the vanilla world. D/s is freedom to be who i am without harsh judgements and usually lovingly accepted. ugh.... this isn't coming out the way that i am thinking. this is just what i am thinking at the moment and perhaps it will change, let me try once again....

in a world that is rushed and unyeilding, D/s allows a freedom of physical and emotional expression that is safer than revealing our individual selves to the outside world. it is controlled, it does have pattern, and there is order to it. D/s isn't rushed it takes it's time and it is a welcome escape from the outside world that we have little control over. The emotions are a vast range that some crave but don't experience in the outside world.

i don't feel like i am capable of expressing this quite right but Cerckl, you have given me much to ponder, thank you. humbly...

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 12:47:41 PM

Saratov

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And all this time I thought "balance" meant a flogger in each hand.

< Message edited by Saratov -- 4/29/2006 1:15:42 PM >

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 1:07:36 PM

OTKkindaGirl

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*grin* oh yes..... that is what i meant!!!

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 1:38:27 PM

CERCKL

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quote:

I believe that what I find, or strive to find within the context of a D/s or M/s dynamic is better defined as ballast...and direction.

I like this perspective...but why the desire for direction even? This isn't pointing at anyone, just where my own questions have been. Such as when we (used universally) are seeking __________ and when it is presented, it isn't what we want...sometimes I feel that some are more comfortable with the known than with growth...but back to my thought; the need for a feeling of purpose, direction...why so important? How is that shelter better than the wandering of one...is it just a feeling for another?

C

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"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

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RE: Balance - 4/29/2006 2:19:37 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

quote:

I believe that what I find, or strive to find within the context of a D/s or M/s dynamic is better defined as ballast...and direction.

I like this perspective...but why the desire for direction even?
C

Ok, let me see if I can explain this. I knew when I wrote it that it was a bad choice of wording. By direction I mean...well I used to refer to my ex Master as my True North. My relationship with him provided my compass....and no matter what I had going on around me I could count on the fact that I knew where "North" was and I wouldn't get lost in everything else that was going on. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone other than me. It provided a sense of security and stability which led to an inner peace. Kind of like having a map....we're not afraid to take adventurous trips if we can always just pull it out and know our way back home if that's where we decide we want to be.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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