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Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people a... - 12/5/2010 4:33:45 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Hi ya'll,



Do people just not read? Or are they so far up their own arse that they can't comprehend someone that is not as "experienced" as themselves? Fuckin' hell...lol Sorry about the rant, but all you have to do is ask me what I like and I'll tell you.. If I don't know, I'll tell you so.... I had someone today say that because I like ass play that I must be gay and I should be looking for someone who is either gay or bi? Oh, and that is AFTER I told them that I am straight? Hmm, maybe they should read my emails and my profile, journal entries?


To be honest the Vanilla life is so much easier than BDSM? Why is that? Are you not more liberal in your views and sexuality? I find people much more opinionated, and judgmental... WTF? I thought I could be myself and find likewise people, and apart from 4 people so far that I have chatted with your all fucked up.... Get a grip... How in the hell is someone supposed to feel comfortable expressing themselves when all everyone is doing is judging....I hope for my sake and my well being that I meet more people who are grounded in BDSM and know how to bring people into the life...

< Message edited by alaskan1961 -- 12/5/2010 5:30:33 PM >
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:37:01 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Well, that is quite the introduction.  Good luck.

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:40:33 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		funnily enough kinksters are no less judgmental that everyone else, they just happen to like whips and stuff.

You say that apart from 4 people you have chatted to everyone else is fucked up.  um I would imagine that is a slight exaggeration and that maybe if you are getting so frustrated with the people online it might be time to switch your computer off and get some fresh air.

There are a lot of cool people but yet there are idiots as well.  Don't put yourself in the latter category by starting whiny threads just because people have their own opinions and beliefs.

edited to add:  I have read some of your earlier posts and you came across as a genuine guy who was wanting to learn more about bdsm and where you fit, unfortunately with this one post any positive thoughts about you have been replaced with less than charitable thoughts. I wonder if I am the only one?


< Message edited by wandersalone -- 12/5/2010 4:44:17 PM >

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(in reply to alaskan1961)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:44:17 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks...... One thing about me I am honest with my feelings and with people...... My profile says what I think I want, me being new of course there is room for improvement, and I am open for people helping... I actually want help.... I guess it's like everything else, weed through the good and bad.... Just seems there are loads of bad...lol

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:46:05 PM   
susieqh


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/2/2010
Status: offline 		People are people and although you might think because they embrace 'kink' or an alternative way of living they would be more open but they really aren't at least in my experience.
Still and all, welcome and may you find what you seek.

(in reply to wandersalone)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:47:35 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		I am genuine and I think that is what is frustrating? I do want something real... It might be percieved as whiny, but I think it's more out of frustration...Perspective might be needed, and yes, Maybe I should switch off my computer....

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 4:53:33 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Susi I get where you are coming from.... I know people are people and everyone has opinions... I just would have thought as this lifestyle is not mainstream for lack of a better term that some, let me repeat some people would be more embracing, because to be honest it has taken me 49 years for me to come out of my shell and be the man I need to be for my sake... I hope that makes sense?

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:00:47 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		It's poison here.

If you stay here long enough you acclimate, but you won't get away without a few severe illnesses.

Seriously, there are a lot of mentally ill people here of all orientations. I used to get tons of routine hate mail when I had my profile up. You'll need to decide if you can deal with the thigh-deep shit just to find the occasional gem. No one can make that decision for you or help you with this, except to tell you "It happens to me, too. All the time."

Suggestion: keep the negativity you will inevitibly feel as a result of this TOTALLY OUT of your profile. Don't give into the temptation to write whiney complaints in your journal (many people do, doms and subs and it's a disgusting turn-off to the few good people here--the last thing you want to do is alienate them).

If you must vent, take it to a private blog you can someday show some sympathetic friends. Don't do it here.

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(in reply to alaskan1961)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:04:47 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you Caring..... I know you are right.... It's not like me.... Believe me it's not in indictment to all the good people, which I know there must be tons of... I guess I have just gotten a few lets say "off" ones in the past couple of days.....lol Hopefully people will read the whole thread before deciding I am the fucked up one.....lol

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:06:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'll agree with you on the bit about being interested in anal play.  The same nerve ending exist regardless of orientation.  Some folks aren't all that secure about the subject or are hoping that you will swing the other way.

As to the rest, I can't say that I'm with you on that.  If I remember correctly, folks from your location don't see that many participants on the forums.  I've seen several posts of yours that state you are new and trying to learn.  What often happens when people proclaim that is that they expect folks to fall all over themselves in their efforts to 'teach' you.  That's not really how that works.  People have their own interests at heart and while some will take the time with you to chat about what interests you, most people just aren't that involved in your learning process.   People join this site everyday saying they are new and excited to learn.  Can you imagine how much time would be used in someone's life trying to help all of them?


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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:10:57 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Hi Lady,
I get what you are saying... I don't expect folk to fall over themselves to "teach" me! There lies the problem... I don't know how it works? I ask questions and hope that I find a person who has some answers, and hopefully different answers, because I know that life is not black and white... I prefer the gry areas anyway...lol But thank you....

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:14:41 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Wow. People have opinions - whether they are right or wrong to others doesn't really matter, they still have their opinions. You aren't going to change the fact that they have them and they might even be different than yours, so take a chill pill or become a hermit.  

If most of us here are all fucked up then why are you even trying to enlighten us? Seems as though you should pack up your toys and go home. I'm not being snarky, you honestly seem bent out of shape in a disproportionate way considering that  you cannot control other human beings and what they think.

For the record, your post seemed extremely judgmental and opinionated which are the 2 things you are upset with. Pot...meet kettle. I don't consider myself to be in this inflexible category of people that you are wildly generalizing about or many of the people I know from here. For the record, I believe anal and straight can co-exist. So now your judgements on all of CM are a bit skewed aren't they? That's why you shouldn't paint everyone with the same brush...someone comes along and messes up your little boxes.

If I were interested in you from seeing your posts before I'd definitely have a different opinion of you now. It seems as though anger isn't the best tactic for someone who is searching for another to use - doesn't make the best impression. Although maybe you don't care anymore since you lumped everyone in with the 'judging' category.

(in reply to alaskan1961)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:19:31 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Apparently you haven't read the WHOLE THREAD lizi..... Maybe you should have looked right above your post? lol If I am wrong I am big enough to admit it and I was wrong... I was just a bit upest is all...

Yes, my second paragraph is a bit messed up.... I shouldn't have used "everyone"! I am not angry.. Not in the least... I would hope that the people who do make the effort to get to know will find out the type of person I really am... But then again that takes effort on both parties, and I try to always make the effort to give people my very best...

< Message edited by alaskan1961 -- 12/5/2010 5:44:20 PM >

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:41:03 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alaskan1961

Hi Lady,
I get what you are saying... I don't expect folk to fall over themselves to "teach" me! There lies the problem... I don't know how it works? I ask questions and hope that I find a person who has some answers, and hopefully different answers, because I know that life is not black and white... I prefer the gry areas anyway...lol But thank you....


The post where you said you may have been wrong didn't actually exist until after I had posted. But thank you for assuming that I hadn't read the whole thread when I actually did. It sucks assuming things and being wrong...which is your original premise on this thread, isn't it?

(in reply to alaskan1961)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:45:22 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Whatever... you are right...lol I know when i am licked

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:47:16 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		and there is the one above it also to CaringandReal....lol

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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:50:39 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		Before I met my ex, I'd have agreed with the anal/bi theory.  However, he explained how he enjoyed the sensations, and had me look up prostate massage.  If it gave him pleasure, it made me happy. Hell, I found I enjoyed the service of rimming as well.

OP- when messages are snarky or rude.... delete, block, move on.   Welcome to collarme and have fun.


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RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:56:28 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks Kitty..... See that's what I am talking about... Great comment, with good information.... It's not hard to be polite and helpful.....lol

(in reply to BurntKitty)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 5:58:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If everyone you talk to is screwed up, then you need to take a good, hard look at how you are selecting people to talk to. Because you're the one picking them. And you're profile name is confusing considering where you say you are now living. Beyond that, I don't know if there's any local groups in Greece but I doubt it. So you're trying to get a very long distance relationship going which is a major strike against you, especially as you have zero experience. Most people want to meet someone who is available relatively locally. Someone to have coffee with, celebrate the holidays with, see frequently. Just like in vanilla life.

So you don't know what you want, you can't meet anyone, and you appear to expect people to fall over to have an online relationship only with you. You're just out of a divorce which means you aren't ready to move on. And you pick the people who are unhealthy for you.

I'm not being snarky, just an honest assessment of what I see. You did say you wanted honesty, right? I don't have any suggestions for you except to take your time and heal while figuring out why you make bad choices and start putting procedures in place to improve them in the future.


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people ar... - 12/5/2010 6:06:04 PM   
alaskan1961


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline 		Does anyone take the time to read? So, as you "know" I am just out of a divorce? lol I shouldn't even reply to you, but I find it almost impossible not to... So, why did you bother to post on my thread if only to tell me I make "unhealthy" decisions and I am just out of a divorce? Where you got that from is amazing? lol I am not looking for an online relationship, but to talk with people and to get to know myself better and what I want out of the rest of my life?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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