RE: Have you ever gone too far? (Full Version)

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RapierFugue -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/8/2010 4:38:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRian
but I learned a valuable lesson that night. 

<nods sagely>

Always have a defib unit on standby [;)]



LadyRian -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/8/2010 4:46:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRian
but I learned a valuable lesson that night. 

<nods sagely>

Always have a defib unit on standby [;)]


Not to mention a good bottle of Single Malt!






leadership527 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/8/2010 5:25:04 PM)

No. I haven't gone too far despite my best efforts to. Honestly, the whole idea implies such an incredible failure in communication for us that I'd probably stop the entire dynamic right there till I could get it sorted.... well... insofar as it's possible for me to stop it anyway... at least put it on chill for a bit.

When I look at this, I'd have to not only make some initial mistake. But then I'd have to be blind to the feedback signals I'd be getting from her which would get progressively more strident as I made whatever error it was that I was making. Then, when she finally spoke up... probably in tears... I'd STILL have to ignore the message. At that point, serious damage would be occurring.

I'm not that stupid.

Note that I don't really acknowledge "too far". She's mine. There is no such thing as "too far". There is, however, "too fast". If I'm wanting something of her and that thing involves substantial internal reordering on her part, then I'm making a mistake if I give the command before doing the required pre-work. But man, I'd have to ignore an awful lot of feedback before that got to the place of causing serious harm to the relationship. This thought is largely why I am perfectly willing to extend control as deeply and invasively as I can think to do. If something goes wrong, it'll be caught and fixed before it spins out of control.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/8/2010 7:38:37 PM)

this may not be a popular opinion, but i believe it's almost inevitable in a long-term M/s dynamic that sometimes a Master will go too far..."too far" not referring to limits or any such thing, but in the sense of causing devastating, overwhelming, and possibly irreparable harm to the physical, mental or emotional well-being of the slave. this has happened to me over the course of my 10 year relationship more than once. and imo, it had less to do with any poor decision-making on the part of my Master, and more to do with my simply being a very sensitive and fragile creature when it comes to certain areas. and sometimes, well, exactly once actually...it was due to a basic incompatibility...one which did not exist 10 years ago, but eventually crept in as my Master evolved in a way i did not. and it is not his way to mold the workings of my mind or heart to match his own...instead it is important to him that i learn to accept, to endure, and to continue to serve with grace even when dealing with the most difficult and painful internal conflicts. with his guidance, i grow from a state of despair and suffering to one of humility and acceptance, and eventually to gratitude.

at such times i often seriously doubted my ability to see it through to the other side, or even my ability to maintain sanity...but somehow here i am. and somehow, i think he knew that at the start.



anniezz338 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/8/2010 7:53:38 PM)

daddysprop, your devotion, grace and sensitivity is awesome, I admire you.

Jeff, you hit on something for me...the "too fast". On a case by case basis, either/or could apply and intertwine.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 5:30:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

this may not be a popular opinion, but i believe it's almost inevitable in a long-term M/s dynamic that sometimes a Master will go too far..."too far" not referring to limits or any such thing, but in the sense of causing devastating, overwhelming, and possibly irreparable harm to the physical, mental or emotional well-being of the slave. this has happened to me over the course of my 10 year relationship more than once. and imo, it had less to do with any poor decision-making on the part of my Master, and more to do with my simply being a very sensitive and fragile creature when it comes to certain areas. and sometimes, well, exactly once actually...it was due to a basic incompatibility...one which did not exist 10 years ago, but eventually crept in as my Master evolved in a way i did not. and it is not his way to mold the workings of my mind or heart to match his own...instead it is important to him that i learn to accept, to endure, and to continue to serve with grace even when dealing with the most difficult and painful internal conflicts. with his guidance, i grow from a state of despair and suffering to one of humility and acceptance, and eventually to gratitude.

at such times i often seriously doubted my ability to see it through to the other side, or even my ability to maintain sanity...but somehow here i am. and somehow, i think he knew that at the start.



Hello prop -
The part that I underlined ... hmmm....  Isn't it the job of the person in charge to know when their partner is sensitive and fragile in certain areas and that the decisions made are harmful? 

best,
sunshine



DesFIP -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 6:18:08 AM)

I don't consider an accident to be the same as going too far. He had me in a strappado, arms behind my back tied to the beam overhead. In stilettoes. With some see through bikini panties on. He decided to slip the panties off and I lost my balance and wrenched my arm badly enough that it was pretty much unusable to carry anything for the next two months. Lesson learned, I should be barefoot when tied standing and clothing should be cut off. Much safer.

What can I say, I'm a klutz.

But it isn't mastery that makes someone go to far, it's sadism. Not all dominants are sadists btw.



wandersalone -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 6:30:15 AM)

Very very very early in my bdsm forays I scened for the first time with a guy who was flogging me and I told him a couple of times that I felt like I was going to pass out but he said I would be fine ...and then I fainted ha ha 



Kana -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 7:08:35 AM)

Of course I've gone too far. I play out on the edge. Dance on the razor long enough and sooner or later you're gonna slip.
The irony here is that when I don't think I have ever physically gone to far(As in given more than she can take), but I have misread where she was as far as headspace (Say gone for a harsh session when it turned out she really needed cuddling-that communication things come in handy here, on both sides. In this case, despite not being up for it, she wanted to please me and acted as if. Me, misreading the situation, charged right ahead and missed a few warning signs).
Generally though, the places I do tend to go to far are emotionally and mentally. I like to push, twist, prod, provoke. A gal once said of me, Give him an inch and he'll drive a panzer tank squad through there."
Sometimes that works, sometimes it backfires, and when it does, it makes a mess.

Shrugs
I'm human. I make mistakes. I try and learn from them, make less as I grow older, not repeat the same errors twice.
On the occasions that I have gone over the line, we talk, I apologize (I know, GASP, a card carrying sadistic bastard apologizing to a slave.) I do what's required to make it right, as much as I can. I have this irrational belief that part of being a man, a decent human being, or just not a sleazy scumbag is taking responsibility for my actions, good and bad.
And ya know what, it seems to work.

Now, as far as the desire to hit any and every woman, are ya freaking kidding me?
Sadistic yes. Misogynist, no.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 10:09:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

this may not be a popular opinion, but i believe it's almost inevitable in a long-term M/s dynamic that sometimes a Master will go too far..."too far" not referring to limits or any such thing, but in the sense of causing devastating, overwhelming, and possibly irreparable harm to the physical, mental or emotional well-being of the slave. this has happened to me over the course of my 10 year relationship more than once. and imo, it had less to do with any poor decision-making on the part of my Master, and more to do with my simply being a very sensitive and fragile creature when it comes to certain areas. and sometimes, well, exactly once actually...it was due to a basic incompatibility...one which did not exist 10 years ago, but eventually crept in as my Master evolved in a way i did not. and it is not his way to mold the workings of my mind or heart to match his own...instead it is important to him that i learn to accept, to endure, and to continue to serve with grace even when dealing with the most difficult and painful internal conflicts. with his guidance, i grow from a state of despair and suffering to one of humility and acceptance, and eventually to gratitude.

at such times i often seriously doubted my ability to see it through to the other side, or even my ability to maintain sanity...but somehow here i am. and somehow, i think he knew that at the start.



Hello prop -
The part that I underlined ... hmmm....  Isn't it the job of the person in charge to know when their partner is sensitive and fragile in certain areas and that the decisions made are harmful? 

best,
sunshine


sunshinemiss...to answer your question, yes, absolutely. but why do you assume he didn't know? it's a matter of his will being carried out, regardless of any initial shock and trauma. He has faith in my ability to endure and grow and carry-on, and he is there to guide and support every step along the way. but the bottom line is, his will is going to be carried out.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 10:11:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

daddysprop, your devotion, grace and sensitivity is awesome, I admire you.




annie...thanks so much, and i admire your bold questions.



lovingpet -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 1:03:36 PM)

So far, no, he has never gone too far or too fast for me.  He has gauged my readiness very carefully.  I think there has only been one issue that I felt really pushed on and he was fully aware of the fact.  He got me through it with minimal disruption to our relationship.  There was fallout, but it turned out to be necessary and healthy fallout, so I am satisfied with the results.  Even if the impact had been wholly negative, I would consider that very much like taking a strike from his canes.  It may leave a mark, but since it came from HIS hand, I know no harm will come to me and I wear it proudly.

lovingpet



leadership527 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 1:26:05 PM)

quote:

Original: daddysprop
it is not his way to mold the workings of my mind or heart to match his own...instead it is important to him that i learn to accept, to endure

Yeah, but that's exactly why he's an evil, mean-spirited bastard while I'm a good and sensitive man.

All kidding aside, I trust it was clear that my reference to "mistake" was only in the context of my own goals. What is and is not a mistake for someone else can only be understood in the context of their goals and how effectively those goals were forwarded... or not.



kalikshama -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 1:58:09 PM)

While I call this "What happened when I skipped the Starbucks meeting," this is a true story of what happened with the second guy I met from collarme. I'm actually glad it happened because it taught me to slow down and listen to my gut instincts.

I wrote this for someone who was pissed that I would not send him my address before we had the Starbucks meeting. "Z" wouldn't back off and I ended up declining to meet him.

****

So J proclaimed, “There will be no meeting at Starbucks.”

I said, “Well, I just like to do that for safety.”

He said, “I’m 6’3” and a martial arts expert. You’re not safe with me ANYWHERE.”

I thought, “Well, THAT’S hot!”

I sent his profile to my friend N and she recognized him. She said he was cerebral and moody, but safe. Her reference was the only reason I agreed to meet him at what I thought was his place.

He had me call him when I was outside his condo. He told me to come in on his command, lock the door behind me, proceed to the chair in front of the slider, and sit. I entered the mostly dark room, found the chair, and sat. He came up behind me, blindfolded me, and stood me up. I felt my shirt move and heard a ripping sound and realized he was cutting my shirt off. I made a noise of protest and he covered my mouth with his hand.

When we’d spoken earlier, I made an objection to something and he proclaimed that he’d been doing this for 15 years and didn’t I think he had a plan. So while I was pissed that he’d ruined a shirt I had not agreed to shred, I assumed he had a plan to re-clothe me.

Fast forward one unpleasant hour later, after calling time out because enough was enough, I found out there was no plan. He did not live there, nobody did, and there were no clothes. He said he’d go down to his car to look for a shirt. I just looked at him, and wondered how I was going to get past the doormen and residents to my car. He ended up tying my shirt in a knot and walking behind me to his car in the garage, bypassing the doormen. He drove me around to my car.

Profoundly disturbed about the discrepancies between what he had said on the phone and the reality, I drove home with a knot in my back and a lump in my throat, feeling like an assault victim in my ripped shirt. When I pulled into my driveway, I prayed my housemate was asleep, and thankfully, she was.

I took off everything I was wearing, threw it in the back of the closet, and got into the shower. After a good scrub, I bundled myself in flannel despite the heat, and went to bed.

So while there is more to the story, I think the ruined shirt and my feelings about it adequately conveys the boundary violations I suffered that night.

KK



anniezz338 -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 2:30:43 PM)

kalikshama, man, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm really sorry you went through that. I read it a few times and my heart was pounding for you.

Your words "listen to my gut instinct" struck home. I have to make a call on something today and I believe that call has just been made. Reading your story and making this call on the same day....well, I'm not going to mess with karma.




sunshinemiss -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 2:38:47 PM)

Hello prop -
I made no assumption.  I asked for your take on  a thought that I had based on what you wrote.  It seemed to me that you were taking responsibility for what had happened, and that didn't seem to jive with what you were saying.  That's all.

best,
sunshine



kalikshama -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 3:11:30 PM)

Glad to help :) My gut is definitely wiser than my nether regions.

Here's the funny part (not that it was funny at the time): it was a 30 minute drive, plus he made me wait in the car for 20 minutes before he permitted me to come up, and I have a tiny bladder. Shortly after the ripped shirt, I asked for permission to go to the bathroom. He said yes, and I was to use a martini glass and if I spilled a drop on the floor I would have to lick it up. Furthermore, after I filled the martini glass, I was to drink it. AND he left the bathroom door open.

So there I was, blindfolded and in heels, squatting over a martini glass, contemplating the prospect of spilling and licking the floor or not spilling and drinking (which would kind of defeat the purpose of emptying my bladder, IMO.) So my bladder said, "NOT HAPPENING! FORGET I ASKED!"



DMFParadox -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 6:20:13 PM)

Ooooooooooh yeah. Have I ever.



SSLMasterCG -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/9/2010 7:10:12 PM)

There's a fine line between "pushing the envelope" and "going too far". A good Master/Mistress will know where that line is for their slave(s).



SailingBum -> RE: Have you ever gone too far? (12/10/2010 12:17:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Very very very early in my bdsm forays I scened for the first time with a guy who was flogging me and I told him a couple of times that I felt like I was going to pass out but he said I would be fine ...and then I fainted ha ha 


So Im guessing that's a limit for you. Fainting is not a kinkof mine either

BadOne



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