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lovingpet -> RE: The desire to be special or significant (12/14/2010 11:04:11 AM)
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I don't know if there is any good way to describe my thoughts on the matter which is why I haven't responded until now, but I guess I will go with a wallpaper analogy. If I were wallpaper and had thoughts and feelings, I would think that it would be my hope to find a home where I would be considered needed, beautiful, and even make their house a home, special and pleasing. Now as wallpaper, I would not get those warm fuzzies by every person that walked into my house. I might go unnoticed by guests, be considered tacky and gaudy, or even please the guests. Those opinions are transient to me, but if ever my owner didn't notice me anymore and/or I didn't please them, then I would be some very sad wallpaper indeed. I would also be very afraid that they planned to rip me off the walls and get rid of me.
Now there is a second part to all this and that's that I am a very...not for everyone...kind of wallpaper. I stand out. I don't actually like this. I like to do my job covering the walls, make my owners happy, and that's about it. I'm kinda okay with being unnoticed by pretty much everyone and would even prefer it most of the time, but I am designed in such a way that I rarely get that luxury.
To attempt to put this in human terms again, I am not "needy" or in need of the attention of people at large. Their opinion has come to mean little to nothing to me. This has been a process. It has taken me most of my 35 years to finally accept that I can't please all the people all of the time and by trying to do so, I wind up pleasing none. I have to have priorities and the ability to emotionally endure NOT pleasing someone. Now it is the people inside my own "house", my inner circle, that matter and the rest is relegated to simple background noise. I should have done it long ago. It brought a lot of peace to my life that wasn't there before. I have also found it easier to stand up and fight when needed. I used to be so afraid of how school principals, people at the store, some jerk in a parking lot, doctors, family, and everyone else under the sun would view me if I stood my ground. That is a thing of the past. It had a lot to do with self respect...a lack of it. Now I expect to be treated with respect, not have specific boundaries crossed, and I expect those close to me to be respected as well. If my little family and my partner are well cared for and I am making a positive difference in their lives, then I don't care about what oppositions I have faced in order to do so.
We are all our own special snowflakes I suppose, but I have a tendency to stand out. I am actually very shy and, in some ways, a bit anti social, but the harder I try to just fade into the background the more unforgettable I seem to become. This is frustrating in the utmost and puts me in a very uncomfortable position. I am pretty private and so when I find every little thing about me up for examination, it really feels like an invasion. I get wound up and nervous. I start trying too hard. Then in the cruelest of irony, I have often wound up making a spectacle of myself when I had only hoped no one would even remember me. It sucks. I have to gear myself up (without winding myself up) for any major social contact or meeting someone new. I have to be of the mind to do it. If both are in place, I have a great time and make friends. If I don't, it's a glorious disaster. I have been introverted and socially awkward all my life. It's nothing new and something I don't seem to outgrow. From time to time, I am able to discover one more coping strategy to make things easier and achieve better results. I am a work in progress in this area, but I am always looking to do better than I did yesterday.
I don't think it's anything less than human to want some kind of approval, appreciation, and special place to fit into the world. I don't think it is any more pronounced in submissive people than in people in general. I know it doesn't drive my submission. My submission is strictly that which one can acquire in response to one's own dominance. I am a submissive personality, but that is not the same as gaining MY submission. Like many things, personality traits and preferences don't make anyone more or less human than others. It just results in diversity.
lovingpet
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