Would you Move in... (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Would you Move in...


Yes, I'd move in with her
  3% (1)
Only if I felt secure she wouldn't cross line again
  25% (7)
Yes, under temporary contract, to be renewed.
  32% (9)
No
  28% (8)
Absolutely not, have you lost your mind?
  10% (3)


Total Votes : 28
(last vote on : 12/21/2010 8:01:23 PM)
(Poll ended: 2/15/2011 11:00:00 PM)


Message

SexyBossyBBW -> Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 3:33:42 AM)

So, I was looking for a new place, better neighborhood to raise my little one.  In between the viewings, offers, a home came through, but didn't pass inspection, so deal fell through.
In the meantime, a sister (with whom I've had a blowout/betrayal situation in the distant past, now forgiven/smooth), suggested that I should consider moving to her 3rd floor/rent, save her money, and mine, while she is building a condo complex, where we both plan to retire, sooner than 60. 

I was looking for a place slightly bigger than where I am (with closet space for my clothers), but with prices dropping, still reasonable that maybe apreciation will help little one with college costs in the future.    What would you do?    I like the saving money idea, especially given my recent work related back problems.   I also like the complete privacy and ownership of single family.    
What say you?!   Just for fun or have you had to consider similar ideas?



DesFIP -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 4:39:55 AM)

Work out all the details in advance. I also don't understand in detail what you're doing. Are you sharing her apartment or renting something she owns. If you'll be living with her, is there room for you and your child to have your own rooms? How often does she entertain vs how often do you? If she has dates spending the night a lot, you'll feel uncomfortable with a strange man there in the morning. If you do this, she will.

Talk about food, do you put money into a common pot and take turns cooking or do you keep food separate? Does she watch tv late at night or do you, the noise may be a problem.



DarkSteven -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 4:46:57 AM)

1. I'm not suggesting that sharing a place to save money isn't a bad idea, but a relative makes things tricky.  You state that there was an incident and it's okay now.  Twice.  You seem to think that if said incident reoccurs, it will be a problem and if it doesn't, everything will be smooth. I suspect you haven't recovered and that something totally new will rear its ugly head.  Once it does, the family will be forced to take sides.  Ugh.

2. How about saving money by moving in with a stranger (after checking them out)?  If things blow up, they can go complain to their family, you to yours, and your family will be left intact.

3.  If you like "complete privacy", sharing a place may not be the way to go...

4. I can't see your profile and your location, so I don't know where you live.  But there aren't many places in the US where I would count on home appreciation.



subinlife -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 4:56:28 AM)

DesFIP and DarkSteven both bring up really good points.
 
I would worry about the past issue comming up again.
Also is she going to be parenting your little one?
That alone can cause problems, been there , done that.



anniezz338 -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 6:03:25 AM)

I would be surprised if homes recapture their value in a decade, if they ever really do again in the same way we would hope.

I love my family very much, but if I live with them, it's their house and their rules. Same with a roommate situation, their house, their rules. Forget privacy, that will only be in brief intervals. And if strife is a possibility, I don't even want to go there.

I bought a really cute 30ft RV this summer (I call it my girl cave...lol) and it has everything I would need and more if I had to live in it. It's now parked at my parents house and I even have my own front yard, driveway and outdoor lighting (thanks to my stepdad, I adore him). And we are not under each others feet when I visit, which I try to do often, and we all have our privacy.

But it's also my ace in the hole. If anything happens, I have my roof, privacy and the truck to move it all, if need be. It would save a huge amount of money.

So, with the strife possibility, my vote is no. Good luck to you.








barelynangel -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 6:19:52 AM)

If the third floor is pretty much separate from the rest of the house like an apartment or will you be sharing the house also?.  Just be sure to sign a lease.  This will protect you BOTH if something goes wrong between you.  Without a lease you are setting yourself and her up for possible issues.  The lease will also set out the ground rules of the house and make it simpler on everyone and she won't be able to say "this is MY house." If she wants to try and pull rank.  You can say, yes, but i am your tenant, you are my landlord and we have a lease covering both of us and she can say the same thing to you.  I would see this more as a roommate situation rather than living with your sister if you two have had hard problems in the past.  Always have everything in writing between you with regards to your living there.  Even if its just a list of chores or such and get receipts and/or keep your statements showing ANY financial transactions between the two of you regarding your staying there. 

All in all, if you can live with her, i think its a great idea. If you have a years lease with a renewal option, worse comes to worse its only for a year. 

Good luck.
angel
angel



pahunkboy -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 10:18:03 AM)

I would have an end date picked out.   Say- ok this is our arrangement for 3 years.

Do alot of talking. Make notes.  Get a clear idea who pays what and what the rules are.

My hunch is that you should go for it.    But only if you have optimal communication.  It is very important to have an end date.   That way- it can be measured as a success.  Even if you renew beyond that end date-  it will not be viewed as a total mistake.  or even a mistake at all.

I absolutely loved living next door to my mom.  We sent food over- watch tv- went for walks- sat out together.       ..we have both since moved.  I have a nice set up with my one neighbor. We do dinners- go to church together- set out- go for walks.   If she was a man- I would marry him.



vehemently -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 1:08:02 PM)

If you were to do this, I would go on an even shorter term. 6 months with the option to renew. I agree with what's stated above... have an agreement before hand should things go awry.

In either case, good luck and I hope you find the best path. For what it's worth, I wouldn't/couldn't do it. My family is nuts. [sm=ugh.gif]



pahunkboy -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 3:37:34 PM)

Ann has a good point- we can not assume house prices will regain any time soon.



littlewonder -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 3:39:21 PM)

I would do it for a temporary basis until I was able to find the place I really wanted and could save some money for awhile but it would be very temporary.



petmonkey -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 3:40:17 PM)

i had a similar opportunity with a family member. i interpreted the past disruption of our relationship leaving "what if" questions in the back of my mind as my gut saying "don't do it".



pahunkboy -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 5:37:11 PM)

On the other hand- see if she will give YOU a deposit- in case you are forced to move... and pay you to stay there too.

STOMP



StrictnSaucy -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 5:45:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

If the third floor is pretty much separate from the rest of the house like an apartment or will you be sharing the house also?.  Just be sure to sign a lease.  This will protect you BOTH if something goes wrong between you.  Without a lease you are setting yourself and her up for possible issues.  The lease will also set out the ground rules of the house and make it simpler on everyone and she won't be able to say "this is MY house." If she wants to try and pull rank.  You can say, yes, but i am your tenant, you are my landlord and we have a lease covering both of us and she can say the same thing to you.  I would see this more as a roommate situation rather than living with your sister if you two have had hard problems in the past.  Always have everything in writing between you with regards to your living there.  Even if its just a list of chores or such and get receipts and/or keep your statements showing ANY financial transactions between the two of you regarding your staying there. 

All in all, if you can live with her, i think its a great idea. If you have a years lease with a renewal option, worse comes to worse its only for a year. 

Good luck.
angel
angel


This is really good advice!



kinkbound -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 6:15:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictnSaucy


quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

If the third floor is pretty much separate from the rest of the house like an apartment or will you be sharing the house also?.  Just be sure to sign a lease.  This will protect you BOTH if something goes wrong between you.  Without a lease you are setting yourself and her up for possible issues.  The lease will also set out the ground rules of the house and make it simpler on everyone and she won't be able to say "this is MY house." If she wants to try and pull rank.  You can say, yes, but i am your tenant, you are my landlord and we have a lease covering both of us and she can say the same thing to you.  I would see this more as a roommate situation rather than living with your sister if you two have had hard problems in the past.  Always have everything in writing between you with regards to your living there.  Even if its just a list of chores or such and get receipts and/or keep your statements showing ANY financial transactions between the two of you regarding your staying there. 

All in all, if you can live with her, i think its a great idea. If you have a years lease with a renewal option, worse comes to worse its only for a year. 

Good luck.
angel
angel


This is really good advice!


Yep, some are good, but I like this one best.



pahunkboy -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 6:39:10 PM)

A trip to Disneyland would be much funner!

STOMP



daintydimples -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 7:06:28 PM)

Hhhmmmm let's see, stake your early retirement on a family member you have had issues with in the past? I vote not just no, but hell no.

If you want an inexpensive temporary living arrangement, search for that. Bringing toxic family into it is ALWAYS a bad idea. Learn from past mistakes, please.







Kana -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 8:17:02 PM)

Yeah, maybe this is a dom thing, but I don't live under anyone's roof but mine. I don't like another being able to control an area of my life that is that important.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 8:26:48 PM)

I live with my parents. Thank god though they do not take the my house my rules approach though. I'd be like sorry, I pay rent to live here, as long as I am paying rent, I will be treated like a tenant, so this my house my rule stuff ain't flying with me. I am also lucky that privacy ain't an issue. We're set up so that each set of people me n daddy and them 2 have complete privacy.
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I would be surprised if homes recapture their value in a decade, if they ever really do again in the same way we would hope.

I love my family very much, but if I live with them, it's their house and their rules. Same with a roommate situation, their house, their rules. Forget privacy, that will only be in brief intervals. And if strife is a possibility, I don't even want to go there.

I bought a really cute 30ft RV this summer (I call it my girl cave...lol) and it has everything I would need and more if I had to live in it. It's now parked at my parents house and I even have my own front yard, driveway and outdoor lighting (thanks to my stepdad, I adore him). And we are not under each others feet when I visit, which I try to do often, and we all have our privacy.

But it's also my ace in the hole. If anything happens, I have my roof, privacy and the truck to move it all, if need be. It would save a huge amount of money.

So, with the strife possibility, my vote is no. Good luck to you.









purepleasure -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 8:50:51 PM)

I recently had a relative move in with me and my adult son. So far it has been working out, but I do miss certain privacy things, like walking naked from the bathroom to my bedroom after a shower, spending endless hours on collarme or the internet in general. The room and board he is paying is a big help, and as long as he keeps his alcohol consumption in check, will proceed with our arrangement for awhile.

Keep in mind, you are moving into "her turf", and past issues may rear their ugly heads unexpectedly.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Would you Move in... (12/16/2010 11:23:12 PM)

Thank you Celeste for your thoughts.
quote:

I also don't understand in detail what you're doing. Are you sharing her apartment or renting something she owns.
I would be renting something she owns, and having my own space with the little one.
quote:

How often does she entertain vs how often do you? If she has dates spending the night a lot, you'll feel uncomfortable with a strange man there in the morning. If you do this, she will.
She is married, and I like her husband and little ones.   The past was a family thing, where she and I were on opposite sides, but I will say our family remains close, always forgive, despite past difficulties.   She understands that I like my moments alone, and says she would leave me alone in the space.   She entertains friends, as she is more outgoing/into people than I am, but she knows, I retain my right to be invisible to the masses, if I don't want to attend.

As to my entertaining:   I already consider my place off limits to people I don't know well, and am not considering being with long term, as a protection mechanism to my little one...   So the man's home, or hotel would remain the option I currently would utilize.

quote:

DarkSteven
1. I'm not suggesting that sharing a place to save money isn't a bad idea, but a relative makes things tricky.  You state that there was an incident and it's okay now.  Twice.  You seem to think that if said incident reoccurs, it will be a problem and if it doesn't, everything will be smooth. I suspect you haven't recovered and that something totally new will rear its ugly head.  Once it does, the family will be forced to take sides
The past really is resolved, I swear.  Not forgotten, but I'm having a better relationship with said sister, because a lot of honest screaming came out years back.   Having said that, I do agree if something comes up again, family/sides/tricky/crazy would feel weird with me living so close, and this is the biggest reason, I haven't said "yes."   
Living with strangers is not an option, God willing, unless said stranger is a submissive of mine, with whom I've become very comfortable over time.    The reason I say this is not an option, is that I can still continue to look for a good deal on a home, and move that way, rather than move in with sister.   The place where I am, is far from terrible; I'd be ungrateful, if I said so.   I suppose, I want much better for my little one, but certainly, it's a big upgrade from my teen years neighborhood (after my dad passed away).
quote:

3.  If you like "complete privacy", sharing a place may not be the way to go...
I agree, but I don't have that now, having a little one.   I can have it, by dropping little one at sister's though.

Everyone else said some version of above, or said "make a time limit."    I agree with the idea, but if I moved in, than for some non-fight, but discomfort reason, decided to move out, it would feel even more awkward, and I believe, weaken our current relationship.

Thank you very much for the thoughtful advice, to everyone who responded.   I believe I will stay put, and give this more thought.
Thank you subinlife, anniezz338, barelynangel, pahunkboy, vehemently, littlewonder, petmonkey, StrictnSaucy, kinkbound, daintydimples, Kana, Toppingfrmbottom, and purepleasure very much for the thoughtful responses.   I didn't want to simply dismiss it, if it is a good financial move, but peace is very important to me; so I will have to consider all of your responses, given the history, and decide what is best for me.    M





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