Outside influence affect your behavior? (Full Version)

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DRC1986 -> Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:09:28 PM)

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?



NuevaVida -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:12:36 PM)

He works out his bad days on his own, usually before he gets home.  Bad days affect all of us - we might be more tired, or less patient about things, but no, he doesn't inflict his anger on me.

My ex owner, however, did.  And I accepted it. I didn't see it as something to overlook or forgive.



AquaticSub -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:15:33 PM)

Eh... sometimes bad days come home with us, both of us. It's just kinda... blah. We try to be nice to each other, we try to work around it and alleviate the each other's stress but... ya know shit happens. We haven't attained perfect control over our emotions, probably never will and I'm ok with that.

I don't think I would say that I've been unjustly punished because he's had a bad day but I have been snapped at and had to deal with his temper. To me, it's just part of being owned by a human.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:16:34 PM)

Daddy tries very hard not to let his bad emotions overflow onto me. It happens now and then. When it does we patch things up and move on.



LadyPact -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:21:04 PM)

quote:

But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

No, I haven't.  If I had, it would be time for Me to relinquish My authority. 



littlewonder -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:38:46 PM)

When he's had a bad day he's been known to use me pretty harshly. He's definitely much more sadistic when he's had a bad day. Does that equate to "taking it out" on me? I don't know. I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great! 

I see it as a service to him.




DRC1986 -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 10:50:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great! 

I see it as a service to him.




Interesting point littlewonder. Not being a sub, that's a different perspective I never thought of. But I also think LadyPact makes a good point too. I think being the one in control designates a lot more responsibility. I guess it is up to each relationship. Each is different in its own way. Thanks for the responses everyone.



Zevar -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 11:04:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?


Allowing outside influences to negatively affect your ability to choose appropriate behavior thus acting out inappropriate behavior on another human being is nothing more than abusive conduct. If the day were to ever unfold when my discernment lacked to the degree that I chose to harm the one I relate with then I would merely through in the towel and call it quits from any further interpersonal relating. Abuse is NEVER tolerable regardless of outside influence, period!

Take care!



WestBaySlave -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/17/2010 11:05:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986
I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?


Even when I'm in a long-term D/s dynamic I'm pretty direct about things when I feel something is seriously amiss. I've only once been punished for something I felt was unfair, I addressed it openly afterward, and on weighing it up, my master at the time apologized. All was left on a rather positive note overall.

I work best when things are open, direct, and satisfaction and dissatisfaction are openly expressed on either side. The times I've had trouble with dominants has rarely been in direct conflict but more in the sense of vague, indefinable dissatisfaction; when a dominant is clearly unhappy with me but either doesn't know or doesn't say what I've done wrong and how I could improve things.

On the other hand, if the D-type I'm with has had a hard day and wants to have some sadistic fun to wind down, I'd be more than happy to be that evening's set of worry beads. No apologies or explanations needed. [;)]



Twoshoes -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 1:22:21 AM)

I'm the calmest person I know and I'm fairly proud of it. I cannot remember the last time I was angry; it must have been months ago. And when I get upset, I usually want to be alone to work through it, which doesn't take long. Plus, my ethics usually override my feelings even when I would rather they wouldn't.

Actually, asking me to act is the best way to see me angry. People have become curious about whether I can display intense feelings and have asked me to demonstrate after failing to elicit these reactions by other means. Apparently, I'm so calm, it's unnerving...

I get to have a few "Just because I'm perfectly calm and happy right now doesn't mean I'm not fully paying attention to how upset you are." conversation per person who doesn't know me. They get confused. Another's random bad mood is unlikely to fuck up my happy place.[:D]



Zevar -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 1:36:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?


Allowing outside influences to negatively affect your ability to choose appropriate behavior thus acting out inappropriate behavior on another human being is nothing more than abusive conduct. If the day were to ever unfold when my discernment lacked to the degree that I chose to harm the one I relate with then I would merely throw in the towel and call it quits from any further interpersonal relating. Abuse is NEVER tolerable regardless of outside influence, period!

Take care!


edited error




Aynne88 -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 5:10:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

When he's had a bad day he's been known to use me pretty harshly. He's definitely much more sadistic when he's had a bad day. Does that equate to "taking it out" on me? I don't know. I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great! 

I see it as a service to him.




Exactly that. It's far better than my vanilla ex-husband that would come home from a bad day at his company and be a total asshole prick all night and deny that he had a bad day and I was the target. With my man, he tells me that he needs me to relieve some aggression and we are both on the same page and like wonder said, isn't that part of what service is? Besides, I think it's hot most of the time.



anniezz338 -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 5:50:05 AM)

I touched on this subject with someone for a couple of months and found it VERY interesting.

A submissive reading the Dom, reading his energy, mood, tension, etc and anticipating what he may need. You may not know anything about his day until he walks through the door. Does he need to just use you, would he appreciate softness, does he need alone time and you just be on hand, does he need a full blown session, etc.?

Everyone takes their bad moods out on others sometimes....they're human so it's unavoidable. But I would hope, with any Dom worth his salt, it wouldn't happen often. On the sub side, I'm hoping I would be able to read whatever it is and go with what he feels he needs, responding appropriately.



MaxsGirl -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 6:11:40 AM)

It hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't mean it won't.  I'm pretty good at reading his moods and attending to him in a way that alleviates his stress before it gets to that point.  For others it might not be that easy, but Alpha is a pretty easygoing man, and not hard to calm down and please.  If/when it does eventually happen, I see it the way littlewonder does - if he needs to use me as a human stress ball now and then, it's just part of my job as his slave.



OsideGirl -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 7:53:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't think I would say that I've been unjustly punished because he's had a bad day but I have been snapped at and had to deal with his temper. To me, it's just part of being owned by a human.

This and vice versa.



HisEvelyn -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 12:30:37 PM)

I also agree very much with littlewonder, maxsgirl, and others. Master is usually very good at not taking out his anger on me when it's about something else, but I also consider it service to be his tool for unwinding in whatever way he sees fit. I trust him and know he will never be abusive to me in a truly bad way. If I can make him feel better by not even getting a hello when he walks in the door before ordering me to my knees for a blowjob? I will feel good knowing I am serving him in the way he needs right then. His pleasure is my pleasure.



leadership527 -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 1:16:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986
But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?
No. In truth, this is in the "you gotta be kidding me" category in my head. Nor do I take my frustrations out on her verbally unless those frustrations rightfully belong at her door step.



crazyml -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 2:28:33 PM)

I'd definitely never "take it out" on my sub, but in truth the best answer I can give is "I try my best not to let my mood, especially if it's a bad one, affect the way I relate to my sub".

There may be some out there with enormous reserves of zen-like self control, but, if I've had a tiring and/or stressful day it does have an impact on my expectations. My ideal sub would pick up on the fact that I'm tired and stressed and respond accordingly. If my sub repeatedly failed to have the sensitivity to tell when I'd had a crap day, then it would begin to occur to me that she and I may not be made for each other.

And, I'd say that the opposite should also be true - If my sub returned home after a crappy day at the office, I would very much hope that I'd be able to pick up on that, and respond appropriately.



crazyml -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 2:29:41 PM)

or more precisely, you edited one of them ;-)



DesFIP -> RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? (12/18/2010 3:19:55 PM)

No, he doesn't come home and backhand me across the room because someone cut him off in traffic. He will be short tempered and as I'm not a mind reader, if he doesn't clue me in on the cause of the bad mood I am likely to ask why he's angry with me. At which point he is usually pulled up short and realizes he's been snapping at me and then apologizes and explains.

I'd be fine if he came home and said he had a bad day and needed to play hard. I wouldn't be okay if I didn't know if he was angry with me or not.



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