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LadyPact -> RE: experience? (12/18/2010 9:09:39 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: salemartist
who has more experience as a dominant?
the married Dom whom has been married monogomously to the same sub for 10 years....
the Dom who has knowledge of bondage techniques, but no commited partner for 10 years....
the Dom who has had 3-5 D/s partners over the course of 10 years....?
Anybody who isn't interested in a long answer here might want to skip this reply.
I say whichever one has actually been doing whatever it is that he is actually interested in. It doesn't particularly matter to Me where that interest lies. For example, the Dom who has been married to his sub for ten years may have no interest in play, but has been the one running his house the whole time. As far as I'm concerned, that qualifies, even if he's not the one who is up to date on all of the latest bondage techniques. However, if they got together as D/s, but over the years the dynamic has slipped away, leaving them with more of an equality based relationship, then I'd only count the time the power structure or any play they were engaging in were happening. (It happens between couples sometimes.)
The Dom who has the knowledge of the bondage techniques, has experience as a top, but not necessarily D/s. Those really are two different things to Me. For example, My husband has been topping for about three years now and has what a lot of folks would call a Dominant personality, but due to his lack of experience in an actual dynamic, from that angle, he's a top.
The Dom who has had 3-5 partners over the course of a decade really needs to look at how much hands on experience he's acquired over that period of time. I don't count the time between the dynamics that he may have been searching for a partner, but wasn't active in anyway with anyone. If all of those partners only lasted six months each, that's not really ten years of experience, is it? It's really more the two and a half years total that he was actually doing anything, being in a dynamic where he was actually in charge.
A special mention is worth putting in here. If during the time that a person is searching they are still active in the community, still doing casual play, etc, I do still count that as experience, at least from the topping side. That person may only get to play once a week on the weekend, but they are still being active, hopefully learning and acquiring more skill as they go. I do count that as topping experience. The person who had their first dynamic twenty years ago, which lasted for six months, but after it ended only had some kinky sex when he could be lucky enough to find it, shouldn't be claiming those whole twenty years. That's just stagnant. Almost like a middle aged man trying to claim that he's still a football player, but hasn't been on a team since high school.
Edited to improve some sentence structure and some typos.
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