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Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 6:48:00 AM

MHOO314

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If this thread has been done, so sorry, but I have seen it referenced in some form or fashion in many threads on many topics--so I am throwing this out there for some, ( I hope) interesting opinions and beliefs--here is Mine:

When one sends you fantasies, or whispers them in the dark of the night, but bucks at the thought by day that You make the decisions, you control Life, that things should be done to please you--versus, well its about Me 16 hours and oh yeah if things work out, you get the other 8-- I say that is kink not what I define as the life dance of the dynamic--the TPE that must occur to make My life work--fantasies or not, net Im in charge.

ok--no flaming, but active thoughts feelings and opinions please----My students want to know--well so do I for that matter--

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 4/30/2006 6:49:17 AM >

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 7:16:45 AM

KarbonCopy

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I think in many senses, they work quite hand in hand.

The lifestyle is about giving into and fullfilling your deep desires.

For the most part, it is a very headonistic lifestyle, which caters to personal fantasy, and I think that 99.9% of all our fantasies are just a little "off" from the vanilla world, thus labling it as Kink.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 7:18:50 AM

rapture2778

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i would agree with you that if the only time BDSM practices are found appealing is in the bedroom, and for that matter if they aren't lived out but just "whispered" in the heat of the moment...i do not consider that to be Ds, much less a TPE.....it's like i can say tomorrow i am going to go to Paris, but if i don't go the next day, it doesn't mean that i did it because the thought seemed appealing at the time i said it....

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 7:24:24 AM

TeeGO

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My "kink" is in giving up the control and being dominated. It's the idea of being controlled that really gets me going. Everything else falls in behind that.

But I do believe everything has it's place for it to work, but the horse must be before the cart.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 7:52:02 AM

Level

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MH, I think it'd be better to ask "kink vs M/s or D/s" rather than BDSM.... because BDSM and kink go hand in hand. And kink can live with a 24/7 lifestyle, but I believe I agree with you in that "I only want to play or "submit" just so much" is contrary to 24/7. Now....... some argue, of course, that 24/7 is a fantasy in and of itself.........

Level

< Message edited by Level -- 4/30/2006 7:53:02 AM >

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 7:56:49 AM

Reasonable

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Kink is about the physical acts, so is bdsm.

M/s, D/s, uses some of that,but is mental instead.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 8:00:45 AM

Phoenixandnika

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I see TPE as an emotion, mental, and yes physical interaction between two people. Where I see "kink" as more of a sexual interaction.

I do not think that to have TPE you have to have "kink" or that because you have "kink" that you have TPE.

I personally do not see those that simply " dominate" during sex as dominates, nor do I see those that are bottoms during play as submissive or slave. Though I don't think my lable for these things is anything but "MY" label.

Nika{Phoenix}

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 4/30/2006 8:04:41 AM >

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 8:26:25 AM

Tikkiee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

Kink is about the physical acts, so is bdsm.

M/s, D/s, uses some of that,but is mental instead.

I would have to agree. I have always seen the D/s and M/s dynamic as being more of a mental aspect than a physical aspect.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 8:37:44 AM

spankmepink11

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Personal yet humble opinion here...
I think the difference between kink...and BDSM are similiar to the difference between High...and Low...kink being maybe a couple that occasionally uses their set of handcuffs...or someone gets the occasional good natured spanking.... where as BDSM would be the high end of the spectrum...more hardcore and intense.
I do however agree that BDSM and kink are more about the physical aspects of the relationship. TPE, D/s...M/s ...refer more to the state of mind and dynamics of the relationship. The kink and BDSM are just a bonus.
I do disagree with the opinion that 24/7 is a fantasy. Regardless of ones role...or orientation it's a part of who we are. I would no more be able to turn off my natural inclination to be submissive and service oriented than i would my natural maternal instincts...or self preservation instincts....In short...just because maybe being lead on a collar and leash...or other outward showings of M/s...D/s....TPE....BDSM...etc may not be realistic....whats inside..be it the desire to serve...or to control is there....24/7.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 8:38:34 AM

Phoenixandnika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

Kink is about the physical acts, so is bdsm.

M/s, D/s, uses some of that,but is mental instead.

To a point I agree, however there are some "kink" that are not about physical but mental head space.

Nika{Phoenix}

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 10:00:22 AM

ShiftedJewel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

MH, I think it'd be better to ask "kink vs M/s or D/s" rather than BDSM.... because BDSM and kink go hand in hand. And kink can live with a 24/7 lifestyle, but I believe I agree with you in that "I only want to play or "submit" just so much" is contrary to 24/7. Now....... some argue, of course, that 24/7 is a fantasy in and of itself.........

Level

I agree here... BDSM and the M/s or D/s lifestyle are two different things. Like I said in other posts, we live the M/s lifestyle and the BDSM is like a dessert after a good meal... I like my desserts.. but I can't live on it.

Being in control is as natural for me as breathing.

As far as fantasies go... well, I don't mind talking about fantasies with someone I have a bond with, I do mind hearing about them via email from perfect strangers though.

quote:

Kink is about the physical acts, so is bdsm.

M/s, D/s, uses some of that,but is mental instead.

It's the mental part that appeals to me, that emotional bond that flows naturally in an M/s relationship. It's great to know that if you want the kink, it's there and it's ok, but IMNSHO.. the best part is not just knowing that you are in control.. but knowing that the sub/slave understands that too. I don't think you can fully get that in a strictly BDSM based relationship.

Jewel

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 1:01:07 PM

truesub4u

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Afternoon MHOO Ma'am... I had read this post earlier today... and having only 2 cups of coffee... CM thought it best to not let it post... so I have to try again... lol

I got to thinking about it most sense this morning too. And I still come to the same conclusion. As much as I try to. I can't but feel that most not all Doms do try to hide their kink behind the BDSM titles. No matter if it's BDSM or as others stated... the different D/s and M/s styles. It's come to my thoughts... and memories... on line.. and off line... Doms i've met either in person... or in profiles... state they're looking for 24/7 submission.... TPE... whatever they want to call it. But when discussions begin.... it's all about the bedroom. All sexual. They want to discuss limits in the bedroom. Not outta the bedroom. I'm curious as to the aspects of where does the rest of the time get spent. And how they really see someone serving them out side the bedroom. We' ve pretty much read the threads and post of serving with no sexual expectations. And that's all great. As I seen ShiftedJewel state.... "BDSM is like a dessert"..... seems more try to live off the "kink" involved...making it not just dessert... but main course as well....... and leave out the rest of it.

So I question the Kink versus BDSM ... or D/s or M/s..... when it seems most really want just the bedroom side of if all. No i've not run across this like I said on line... but off line as well at munches and community meetings. It's like the first thing after the ... Hi I'm so n so... noce to meet you.... so tell me... what are you into... not into... limits... will do and won't do.... and it's all in a sexual manner. Because when one (meaning not just me... lol) begins to speak of something I state they like to begin showing their submission to one... they get the brush off and get the... No I mean what are your limits in scenes..... if I tell you too... I want to know if you will or won't...

I'm sure you see where I'm going wth this... so I find that kink is hidden behind the BDSM... even the D/s and or M/s as well. But then that's only MY personal opinion about this...

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 1:48:54 PM

ScooterTrash

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I look at BDSM, Kink, D/s & M/s, all as ingredients, they can stand alone (to a point) or be mixed together. Just depends on how you mix the ingredients on what recipe (dynamic) you come up with. Of course your cooking results may vary...lol.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 2:53:21 PM

genvieve

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i think the question you are asking is... are D/s and BDSM seperate... since BDSM literally means Bondage Discipline and Sado-Massochism. Which is by definition, is a kink:

It is my oppinion that while the two may compliment eachother, one has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Not a thing... and the best i can describe this is...

There are many submissive out there who are NOT pain slut... yes, i know...perish the thought, right?

There are many Dominants out there who can Dominate anyone...regardless of gender...even if they are straight.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 4/30/2006 4:35:47 PM

meatcleaver

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To me kink and BDSM are the same animal and D/s is a different animal. I've tried D/s and don't really care for it and I don't really care if I'm a dom, I simply go in my own direction and if a woman wants to follow that is up to her but if she does, she will be subjected to kink so that is who I tend to attract.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 5/1/2006 5:59:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Life, that things should be done to please you--versus, well its about Me 16 hours and oh yeah if things work out, you get the other 8-- I say that is kink not what I define as the life dance of the dynamic--the TPE that must occur to make My life work--fantasies or not, net Im in charge.

Hard to say. My partners and I are always engaged with eachother, our lives work really great, we're always in a relationship together and, except for rare points, extremely happy together.

But we're not always in an authority dynamic, and it's certainly not one way.

I think if that's what you need to make it work, then that's what works for you. But it's not just a kink for me- I can have the authority dynamic shift AND the long term life fulfilling relationships.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 5/1/2006 7:42:39 AM

MHOO314

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So many good opinions ( and LA I have to giggle I so don't see you as this purple rabbit, but it is fun!)

I think that is where people need to start the decision---is it a fun bedroom thing or is ot a life need, I am where ShiftedJewel is---I need to be im charge, end of story, that excludes the kink side that I seek---but I have built My life around leading--and when I don't see a submissive following that path---it signals to Me--daily drama, daily trouble.

On the reverse, one of My students had trouble letting go, there was a tug of war at times when it hit the vanilla side of things--I gave the sub the exercise of the macrame so the sub and Dominant can see if there is a balance and to force their unique definition of kink versus TPE.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 5/9/2006 10:35:27 AM

bignipples2share

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quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

i think the question you are asking is... are D/s and BDSM seperate... since BDSM literally means Bondage Discipline and Sado-Massochism. Which is by definition, is a kink:

It is my oppinion that while the two may compliment eachother, one has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Not a thing... and the best i can describe this is...

There are many submissive out there who are NOT pain slut... yes, i know...perish the thought, right?

There are many Dominants out there who can Dominate anyone...regardless of gender...even if they are straight.

I agree with this, but will add to it. BDSM stands for BD/SM which is bondage/sado-maso:
BD = bondage.
SM = Sadist/Massochist
TPE = Total Power Exchange
D/s and M/s well we all know what those letters stand for, just everyone is always dissagreeing on what they mean.
They're all different from one another. They can be combined, or just the ones you want to add, or even just one. You're still in the lifestyle, as it's not a vanilla lifestyle.
To whatever level you take it, it's
Kink = it's all kink, with or without the sex.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 5/9/2006 10:46:01 AM

bandit25

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Well put. Yes, I think they definitely compliment each other but are separate from each other.

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RE: Kink versus BDSM or is there? - 5/9/2006 11:08:11 AM

Proprietrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
MH, I think it'd be better to ask "kink vs M/s or D/s" rather than BDSM....

I have to agree with this.
When I think "BDSM" I think of the entire gammut of people who range from a little kinky play in the bedroom once a month, to dictatorship households in which the Dominant rules 24/7 over slaves, and everything in between. BDSM is this huge encompassing umbrella that holds anything "not vanilla".

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