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Termyn8or -> RE: What an asshole (12/20/2010 2:30:54 AM)
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FR
One, I am going to have to learn to keep my mouth shut. Two, I am pleased that people think I only have ten faults. If they only knew..........
I know that drinking is not the best policy, but dammit once in a while I just want the thinking to stop. There are several ways to accomplish this. One is to die. It's not quite time for that. We all need a repast, a release.
Tell ya what, let's take this to another level. Man's inhumanity to Man really gets on my nerves. The inability to correct that situation is even worse. My stance now is that I can't care about everybody, there are simply too many. What would you have me do ? If I were Jesus Christ stopping by for the second coming, what would you have me do ?
This is not a circular argument, but it seems to have come full circle. Life is fucked up and we can't do shit about it. I am not whining, really I don't have it that bad, but what it could be is mind boggling. I hate life, really. It may not be that bad, but the potential was so great. What I did to my life is irrelevant. Actually at this point I could almost afford to stay high the rest of my life, if I wanted to. But realizing that, whatever the potential may have been, I really can't make much of a mark in life. And never could.
My life, in the singular sense is practically irrelevant. Even back when I had ambition and drive, I didn't really go for money. For those who don't know - my first paying job was a surprise. Not the job, the pay. "Here", "What's this ?". Really, my Grampa could've said "You idiot, you're smart enough to do it but not get paid ?". But he didn't. In some ways I have it good. I work in my chosen profession, when I want and almost where I want. (they just won't move closer) I am the son of the black sheep. I came up from nothing. Nothing but a sperm and an egg.
I can tell you that the stoic do have feelings. I can't give too many details but a while back I coresponded with a Woman who was raped and all this as a child. She wanted revenge. Of course I tried to disuade her from seeking it, and even if she got it that wasn't the end. Nothing on the outside makes for the end, it is from the inside. Nonetheless I offered to help her. Yes - to seek that worthless revenge. Why ?
Because in attaining it she might see just how worthless it is. It is, and I know that for a fact.
So the world is wrong and there is no way to fix it. The escape provided by intoxicants is common, and I'll put forth now that sometimes those who imbibe maybe care more, rather than not care.
Now let's go nuts. Say you are on death row, and you get your final wish, your last request. What would it be ? No wishing for more wishes, world peace or the instant abolishion of the death penalty.
Sounds morbid doesn't it ? Why ?
Certain types of people need to slow their brain down. Think of it as a stream, a string. If you look at a string being pulled along a precise path it appears smooth. If you slow the string down you get a chance to see the threads hanging out, the undulations and imperfections in the string. Things that you would not notice at full speed. Almost like a magnifying glass, in a sense.
If this all sounds like gibberish, sorry. Fukit.
T
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