Dominance and submission

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Divinesub -> Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 7:55:45 AM)
This is a general question that is really disturbing to me. If you are owned by a Master that refuses to admit his sexuality how do you handle it? If he uses BDSM as a way of not admitting his bi-sexuality. (Submissive and Slaves are Submissives and Slaves regardless of gender). However, if he is having sex(not something I am guessing at, I actually saw pics of him and another man at his private dungeon which included video of them having sex) and ongoing relationship with them versus just "playing" doesn't that speak towards his sexuality? I think that the worry about STD's are greater because of his denial stage. (men in denial will be less cautious then those that openly accept their sexuality). What if there have been several men and what if has been to swinger parties where he has participated with trans and men what if was bareback for the event? As a submissive do you ignore this trend ? What if it is a hard limit for you and the Master lies to you?

KatyLied -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 7:58:48 AM)
If you are under the impression that you are in a monogamous relationship, and your partner is playing with others (male and/or female) unprotected, then your health is at risk. This is not something to be ignored.

Reasonable -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 7:59:36 AM)
Oh my,now you must go through the drama of confronting him with the evidence. I'm sorry, I'd really really hate to be in your position, I despise drama. Best wishes,whatever the outcome,Reasonable.

Level -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:09:52 AM)
Divinesub, being a submissive does not eliminate your right to good health.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:10:56 AM)
Man o man. Honesty should be the most coveted virtue of your M/s D/s relationship. It should by all means be the golden rule and if the golden rule is broken, the relationship is broken. This goes well beyond the “truth factor” your very life is at risk here. Please move on to a Master that cherishes honesty. Sad for you Loki

feastie -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:17:06 AM)
Hie thee to thy physician and beg all tests for all STD's be performed immediately. Do not allow him to touch you without benefit of a condom, but better would be not allowing him to touch you at all. Yes, he will likely say that you have no choice, yada yada...but this is your life and your body and ultimately, he is not caring for you or protecting you.

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:17:35 AM)
Some simple points. IF someone can not communicate honestly with me there is no trust. Therefore in my opinion there can be no "real" relationship yet alone one of D/s or M/s because in my eyes that power exchange requires complete honesty. I am not saying someone has to expose all during our first conversation, however; IF I am in their collar they MUST be honest with me and vice versa. A "true dominate" in my eyes protects his property. So he / she would not put their submissive/slave at risk for STDs by having sexual contact with someone else unprotected and not informing their submissive/slave. How can you make an informed descission if you do not have all the facts? Just because you are submissive/slave does not mean that you do not have a responsiblity for youself. You have to protect yourself from physcial, mental, and emotional harm. Otherwise in my eyes you are nothing more than a doormat to be walked all over. Nika{Phoenix}

truesub4u -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:18:22 AM)
Evidence backing this claim... you seem to have... be straight forward... let him know you feel your health is being put at risk... no one likes to feel they're confronting their owner.... but when you have issues like this.. fuck protocol.... get answers.. and do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy and safe.

bandit25 -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:20:57 AM)
I gotta agree with true. Fuck protocol. Your health and safety could be in danger. Get tests...get answers...get off the board and do it now!

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:25:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 I gotta agree with true. Fuck protocol. Your health and safety could be in danger. Get tests...get answers...get off the board and do it now! I have to ask why does everyone say get tested like it is a tell all. Yes, IF you think you may have been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease you should get tested not once but every 6mths. Just because you come up clean the first time doesn't mean anything. Some STDs take 6mths or longer to show up on tests. I would urge people not to think that simply getting tested once is enough - if you are in fear of exposure. Nika{Phoenix}

MistressWolfen -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 8:29:36 AM)
I have re-read the Divinesubs post and I am understanding her question to be one of sexuality not health based concerns. Can you clarify Divinesub, is it confronting Him with his sexuality which is concerning you or your sexual health?

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:13:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Divinesub This is a general question that is really disturbing to me. If you are owned by a Master that refuses to admit his sexuality how do you handle it? If he uses BDSM as a way of not admitting his bi-sexuality. (Submissive and Slaves are Submissives and Slaves regardless of gender). However, if he is having sex(not something I am guessing at, I actually saw pics of him and another man at his private dungeon which included video of them having sex) and ongoing relationship with them versus just "playing" doesn't that speak towards his sexuality? First off, YOU don't have to deal with his sexuality at all. Thats for him to do. If he wants your help, he'll ask you for it. Until then, mind your own business and his sexuality isn't your business until he says it is. Secondly, you state that you've seen pics and video of him playing with another man. Another MAN, not men. How do you know it wasn't a D/s relationship he had because he was bi-curious and discovered it wasn't for him? quote: I think that the worry about STD's are greater because of his denial stage. (men in denial will be less cautious then those that openly accept their sexuality). What if there have been several men and what if has been to swinger parties where he has participated with trans and men what if was bareback for the event? The worry about STD's is greater because it's at the forefront of your mind. You make accusations here that are unfounded. IF there were other men. IF he has been to swinger parties. You offer nothing to back these claims. This entire post seems to have a very anti-gay theme to it as well. You aren't worried that he might have had past D/s relationships when other women, just men. Very bigoted of you. quote: As a submissive do you ignore this trend ? What if it is a hard limit for you and the Master lies to you? Did you state that having male submissives in the past were a hard limit? Does he know it's a hard limit? Did you state it to him directly? You didn't mention it as a hard limit in this post till the end as a side note. Did you do the same to him? It doesn't seem so much a "lie" as it is an imagined "betrayal" that you're feeling hurt from. And since I'm on the betrayal note, just how did you come across these pics and video? Did you just "find" them as you were going through his things? Were they put away somewhere? It seems you betrayed his trust and searched his things and found something you shouldn't have. Now you want to throw what you found in his face when maybe you were in things you shouldn't have been. See, this whole "lets assume the worse" tactic goes both ways and throws mud everywhere. You come out looking no better then the one you do it to.

Proprietrix -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:19:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Divinesub What if it is a hard limit for you and the Master lies to you? Assuming the two of you went into the relationship with the mutual expectation that hard limits would not be broken... HE broke the contract. Therefore, you are not bound to it. You can continue to sit back and do nothing. You can confront him. Or you can walk.

MadamShy -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:25:11 AM)
I so agree with Wulfchyld ... its your health ... if he is haveing sex with other males .. he is in denial .. the biggest thing is Your health... it may be hard .. but confront ... politely discuss...listen before you speak back then make your choice.. slavery is still your choice ... not His this is not the middle ages You are not really a prisoner...

Kirei -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:26:21 AM)
It is people like this that give all trans sexuals a bad name. Ones that do not admit that they may be bi do tend to seek out TS's that look very female and pass well. I know this from experience, but I have never had sex with any, nor do I ever wish too! For me the risks are just too great. Another cause of it couldbe the way society has put a big target on gays/lesbians in general...so I suspect you will see more people hiding in the closet so to speak. If you are not honest about yourself and what you like to do, or how to live...then your fears will find you out and may destory you one day. Koneko

Mercnbeth -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:37:22 AM)
Yet another thread where we as, as anonymous CM thread readers, know more about what is going through the mind of submissive than the 'master' she represents being owned by and serving. Any advise has to consider, at least anyone who believes that ongoing honest communication is essential to a healthy relationship, that the relationship already is over, beyond the issue of only hearing one side. If the pictures and videos referenced in the master's private dungeon were out in the open and readily viewable, he wasn't in 'denial', the slave was. If they were hidden and she "discovered" them during a thorough "under the refrigerator" type cleaning, coincidentally 'finding' them, then he may be in denial, but there is still no trust or communication.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:45:05 AM)
Very true. Point well made, Mnb.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:49:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirei It is people like this that give all trans sexuals a bad name. Ones that do not admit that they may be bi do tend to seek out TS's that look very female and pass well. I know this from experience, but I have never had sex with any, nor do I ever wish too! For me the risks are just too great. Another cause of it couldbe the way society has put a big target on gays/lesbians in general...so I suspect you will see more people hiding in the closet so to speak. If you are not honest about yourself and what you like to do, or how to live...then your fears will find you out and may destory you one day. Koneko You're basing this point on an assumption, Koneko. The OP never says he did have sex with trannies and men, just what if he has. The OP only states that he has had confirmed sex with one man, not many. This Dominant, therefore, doesn't fit your point being made.

mathiasdomm -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:51:14 AM)
Once more, I'm agreeing with Mercnbeth. It's hard to call this one, but anybody with experience is going to tell you the same two things in every response. 1. Your safety is first and foremost at all times. Everything is secondary to that. Always do the best you can to protect tomorrow. No more tomorrows, no more fun. 2. For this to work properly, you've got to have trust. Without it, you've got none of the psychological benefits. You're just being tortured. If either one of those things is compromised, you're in trouble. Maybe you can get them back. I'm a make a stand and fight sort of guy, so I'd tell you that's possible. But you've got to have both of those things hitting on all six cylinders before this works right. -m

darq -> RE: Dominance and submission (4/30/2006 9:51:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 quote: ORIGINAL: Divinesub This is a general question that is really disturbing to me. If you are owned by a Master that refuses to admit his sexuality how do you handle it? If he uses BDSM as a way of not admitting his bi-sexuality. (Submissive and Slaves are Submissives and Slaves regardless of gender). However, if he is having sex(not something I am guessing at, I actually saw pics of him and another man at his private dungeon which included video of them having sex) and ongoing relationship with them versus just "playing" doesn't that speak towards his sexuality? First off, YOU don't have to deal with his sexuality at all. Thats for him to do. If he wants your help, he'll ask you for it. Until then, mind your own business and his sexuality isn't your business until he says it is. Secondly, you state that you've seen pics and video of him playing with another man. Another MAN, not men. How do you know it wasn't a D/s relationship he had because he was bi-curious and discovered it wasn't for him? quote: I think that the worry about STD's are greater because of his denial stage. (men in denial will be less cautious then those that openly accept their sexuality). What if there have been several men and what if has been to swinger parties where he has participated with trans and men what if was bareback for the event? The worry about STD's is greater because it's at the forefront of your mind. You make accusations here that are unfounded. IF there were other men. IF he has been to swinger parties. You offer nothing to back these claims. This entire post seems to have a very anti-gay theme to it as well. You aren't worried that he might have had past D/s relationships when other women, just men. Very bigoted of you. quote: As a submissive do you ignore this trend ? What if it is a hard limit for you and the Master lies to you? Did you state that having male submissives in the past were a hard limit? Does he know it's a hard limit? Did you state it to him directly? You didn't mention it as a hard limit in this post till the end as a side note. Did you do the same to him? It doesn't seem so much a "lie" as it is an imagined "betrayal" that you're feeling hurt from. And since I'm on the betrayal note, just how did you come across these pics and video? Did you just "find" them as you were going through his things? Were they put away somewhere? It seems you betrayed his trust and searched his things and found something you shouldn't have. Now you want to throw what you found in his face when maybe you were in things you shouldn't have been. See, this whole "lets assume the worse" tactic goes both ways and throws mud everywhere. You come out looking no better then the one you do it to. Oh yes, lets attack the submissive who came here seeking advice now. I'm sure that will help the situation ... Divinesub, if I were you I would approach him with the pictures and just ask him flat out if its something he did in the past or if its a current thing. You do have the right to know ... You know him better than we do so you'll also probably be able to tell if he's lying or not. Frankly, I think anyone who is sexually active should get tested at least once a year if not every six months. In this day and age, you cannot be too safe. To me, its just part of being a responsible adult. Whether or not you leave him is something you have to decide for yourself. Just please be safe.

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