New to submission and could use some advice

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

New to submission and could use some advice

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> New to submission and could use some advice

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

New to submission and could use some advice - 12/20/2010 7:38:42 PM

bettysnowflake

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/9/2010
Status: offline

Hi all,
this may get kind of long, but i thought i could get some good advice here so here goes

For awhile now I have realized i have a submissive side and i then every so often i have the desire to be in a submissive relationship.

but before i continue, let me just clarify a few things- I am 26 and have never had a relationship yet the idea of submitting to someone makes me feel very happy and yet guilty because i never thought i would be interested in giving up control to someone and i am sort of fearful of losing my individuality by doing so. also, i am a lesbian and can only see myself being with a woman.

but back to my dilema- in the back of my mind it seems right to be in a submissive relationship because i am in control all the time and especially at work i have to be and to me when i read about submitting and such, it is just so nice to take a break from having to know what i am doing all the time. then while thinking of all this, i realize i don't want to rush into this- recently i was in a virtual submissive relationship on utherverse.com but had to end it when the guy who was my "owner" wouldn't accept the fact that i needed sleep and also that i wouldn't have virtual sex with him- we had only been sub/master for about a week... on the other hand, i loved the idea of dressing to please someone and being made to kneel for them and while this wasn't the right one, it was a learning experience.

I am generally a people pleaser and hate it when people are mad at me and i sometimes feel guilty that i would want to be controlled by someone even if it was in an online relationship.

so I am wondering how you know you are ready for a relationship like this and how to tell you are truly submissive- also, how do you get into an online relationship with a cyber mistress and would you recommend that for me? I want to explore submission, I'm just not sure about jumping into the pond and getting my whole self wet- if that makes sense...

can anyone help me here? i have been feeling very confused and feel a little better now that this is out

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: New to submission and could use some advice - 12/20/2010 7:56:38 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bettysnowflake
so I am wondering how you know you are ready for a relationship like this and how to tell you are truly submissive- also, how do you get into an online relationship with a cyber mistress and would you recommend that for me? I want to explore submission, I'm just not sure about jumping into the pond and getting my whole self wet- if that makes sense...

can anyone help me here? i have been feeling very confused and feel a little better now that this is out

This is like getting into any relationship. Only you are going to be able to tell if you are ready. Part of this is going to be find the right d-type for you and where you are in life.

I would not suggest a cyber mistress. I would suggest going out to a munch and getting involved in your local community. Get on the e-mail lists and make some friends there. Munches (not trying to be insulting but I don't know if you know) are simply groups of like-minded folks who meet up to eat dinner in a public place like a Golden Corral, Ruby Tuesdays, etc. The norm is that no kink attire is allowed so if someone spotted you there it wouldn't look like anything except you being out with a large group of friends.

Making friends in your local community will give you support and expose you to some of the many different ways that people practice that this that we do.

Best of luck to you!

Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to bettysnowflake)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: New to submission and could use some advice - 12/20/2010 8:10:47 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

A lot of this could have been written by me a couple years ago. I have struggled so much internally with being submissive than with any other single thing. I couldn't reconcile giving up control with being a strong, thinking individual. It was hard for me to shake the idea that by being submissive it somehow made me weaker or less than my dominant counterpart. To be honest, I was very controlling in my overall life during the early going of this journey for the simple reason that I wanted to prove to myself that it all wasn't true...that I didn't need anyone to control me or that I had life by a string. The more I clung to an appearance of control, the less real control I had. I did a lot of damage to my life and relationships during that time that I can't undo. A lot of peace has come since finally accepting myself and letting go. It is something I intellectually knew would happen, but didn't believe it deep down. It took finally experiencing it to really understand.

I did the whole chatroom scene and bored of it pretty quickly. There isn't enough substance for me. I needed the real thing...real life with a real person with real control and real consequences of that control. You sound like you just need...more. It may be time to step out of the chatrooms and into real life relationships and maybe even your local community. It is a scary proposition I know, but it can be so worth it. I would encourage you to actually meet people and finding a good person to build such a relationship with. All the "vanilla" criteria still apply...compatibility, trust, honest, communication, etc. Add to that those traits that you believe will fulfill your special needs as well and you have a good idea of who you are looking for. Some around here find that person very quickly (I am one) and others have been looking for years and may for some time to come as well. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait. Don't be afraid to approach people first. Some prefer that a submissive person put forth the initial effort. Whatever you do, read the profile and follow the specifications they lay out.

Please be careful, use your head, and take a risk or three. Accept who you are and embrace it as good and right for you. Find a partner that honors who you are and enhances you and you them. Grab hold of something strong and real for you. I wish you all the best and my box is open. Take care.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to bettysnowflake)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: New to submission and could use some advice - 12/20/2010 8:44:16 PM

kdsusa7894

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline

Betty- I so hear what you are saying- 40 and just figuring it out. Some or most of the suggestions made are not applicable to me as I live in an area that does not have the opportunity. I did get an email tonight from a dom in my area and I was ready to jump in with both feet. The one I have in mind does not live close to me. I want to feel it and see what it's like and if I can be that part of me and be okay with it. I have someone in mind already so this isnt an option for me. And as I have learned by asking questions in this message board, it is neither right or wrong. It's a personal decision, your personal decision. Take your time and if it doesnt feel right? It probably is not right for YOU! And as your master/domme they should also be thinking of your well-being, if they aren't it can be dangerous. Geez, sound like I am preaching but in all reality never experienced it but from the advice I have gotten here and the threads my own mind follows.... If they don't respect or care for you (as you) how can you care and respect for them? You are still YOU outside of the relationship, they have to consider that.

Good luck in your search and welcome to collarme.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val To Aqua- Thanks!
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 4