Help, please. Is there a phrase for this?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Help, please. Is there a phrase for this?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help, please. Is there a phrase for this?

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 6:30:40 AM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

So obviously I'm new to this site, and I'm also very new to the lifestyle. I feel like a tourist spending a first night in a foreign country sometimes, convinced I'm asking directions to the bathroom when I'm actually asking the desk clerk if she has seen a man with an octopus for a left foot.

Basically, I don't think labels are all that important except in getting a very general sense of what somebody is interested in. But in that limited way, they're very helpful and save a lot of time. Like if somebody tells me they're a "nurturing, mommy Domme type" we may turn out to be friends but that's about all because that is so completely not what I'm interested in for a dynamic.

What I'm wondering is, is there a catch-all phrase that I haven't heard/found yet to describe...I guess it would be a "bratty Domme" but I'm pretty sure that phrase would be pretty off-putting and cause more harm than good. But I'm basically drawn to someone who at the end of the day cares about me and adores me but who is generally pretty antagonistic, pushy, playful, sometimes cruel and who has a sense of humor about the whole thing. Does that make sense? The opposite of the serious, austere, somber type that I know a lot of dudes want, and also not the inexplicably angry turbo-bitch guys who watch too much porn seem to want. Is there a word/phrase for women in the lifestyle like I'm describing?

Oh one more thing, I have read the boards for a couple of days and I know a lot of guys have weird ideas about how relationships work so I guess I need to say that I understand ultimately a relationship is people being themselves around each other. Like I have an ideal type in mind, but I know nobody is going to be in that mode all the time. This is just a general personality type that interests me and I think it might be convenient if I knew what to call it when I'm talking to people and the conversation turns toward "So what are you interested in?"

Post #: 1

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 6:40:32 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hello Lad and welcome to collar me... First I need to tell you Dominants are People to.. in general we dont fit into sterotypes... those ultimate fantasy role play figures that so many wankers dream about.. ah yes she is the Ultimate Bitch Godess.. ah yes see the blonde over there.. She is the Ice Princess.. so cool and detached from it all.. oh yes and t he red head who just walked into the room... Ball Buster Man Hater... eyep..like all the people in all the world we people with foilbles and faults.. So Lad me boyo I would say ... your looking for a Dominat Female who has a sense of her self but doesnt take herself too seriously.. unfortunate you cant just go to amazon.com and order her up by looking under Female, Interesting, sense of humor, etc...etc.. etc.. Its going to take some time and some sweat equity.. bon chance avec ton souhaits mon ami. MsB.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 2

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 6:43:16 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

GREAT question! IMHE (in my humble(?)experience of 25+years) there's a simple answer: not that I have ever heard of.

Of course, the opposite is a SAM = smartass masochist, a brat "provoking" the D-type. Most D-types (self inc.) do NOT like such "play" mainly 'cause it takes GREAT effort to sustain the roles for more than a few minutes. I have great patience (sometimes to a fault) and yet, quickly think / say "C'mon, let's get serious."

Thinking out-loud here, you understand.

So, in my world, then, I guess you're asking for a D-type to be not serious about the relationship and / or play. I think that D-types try to be more serious than that since we are in control. Such behavior would feel "wrong" to me INTERNALLY. Externally, most other D-types would have the thought, "WTF is xhe doing?"

There's also the fear - allbeit a small one - of becoming addicted - i.e. out of control.

Put all that together and you will have a hard and long (maybe impossible) search ahead. A very special (for you) person indeed.

All that explains why no word / phrase seems to exist.

Regards, Lance

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 12/21/2010 6:48:25 AM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 3

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 6:47:08 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

I know exactly the type you mean, but I don't think I've ever heard a specific label.

IME though, those people are either the absolute sweetest when something goes wrong/you need some support, or they are utterly dead behind the eyes. There doesn't appear to be a middle ground. So pick carefully.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 4

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 6:51:28 AM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Put all that together and you have a hard and long (maybe impossible) search ahead.

Ha ha thanks for the super-encouraging words! :) Seriously though thanks for the answer. It makes sense. To be quite honest, in the short time I've been blundering around the "lifestyle" in any real sense (both online and off) I've found that I get along best with the SAM types you described (had never heard the word for it but I've noticed the traits). Well with the female and gay male SAM types...it seems like straight male SAM types have tended to be pretty aware that we're all competing in a pretty cut throat market and tend to be pretty territorial (curse my boyish charm!) The problem at the end of the day of course is that as well as I get along with these types we'll be friends but...

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 5

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:02:46 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

You didn't mention whether you yourself are a SAM.

I can see an appeal TO a sadist if you are "willing" to put up with such treatment. But then you say "at the end of the day."

A "twue" sadist isn't going to "come 'round." So, again, you're looking for a unique individual - aren't we all?

Just thought - whoTF is in control? When YOU decide you've "had enough" will YOU then control the play? What if (A) the sadist isn't "done" with you, or (B) the sadist leaves you hanging, wanting more?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 12/21/2010 7:03:15 AM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 6

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:05:20 AM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

IME though, those people are either the absolute sweetest when something goes wrong/you need some support, or they are utterly dead behind the eyes. There doesn't appear to be a middle ground. So pick carefully.

That sounds like good advice. Thanks. It's also encouraging to know that this personality type does occur in nature. :)

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 7

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:12:00 AM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I can see an appeal TO a sadist if you are "willing" to put up with such treatment. But then you say "at the end of the day."

A "twue" sadist isn't going to "come 'round." So, again, you're looking for a unique individual - aren't we all?

Just thought - whoTF is in control? When YOU decide you've "had enough" will YOU then control the play? What if (A) the sadist isn't "done" with you, or (B) the sadist leaves you hanging, wanting more?

Good points. Part of this involves the emotional relationship that develops between sadists and masochists. I have ideas about this but limited experience, so this is one of the big things I need to sort out and I can only sort it out by actually having the experiences.

The most honest answer I can give is that I want someone who does like me, who even adores me, but it is going to be up to my partner when to show affection and when to be cruel/playful/etc. They're going to be the ones who have the power.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 8

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:26:33 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLikelyLad

It's also encouraging to know that this personality type does occur in nature. :)

Oh, for sure! I know lots of people who express affection through bitchy cruelty.

(This is where I put the innocent 'I'd never behave like that myself, never ever ever...' face on

).

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 9

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:35:53 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLikelyLad

quote:

I can see an appeal TO a sadist if you are "willing" to put up with such treatment. But then you say "at the end of the day."

A "twue" sadist isn't going to "come 'round." So, again, you're looking for a unique individual - aren't we all?

Just thought - whoTF is in control? When YOU decide you've "had enough" will YOU then control the play? What if (A) the sadist isn't "done" with you, or (B) the sadist leaves you hanging, wanting more?

Good points. Part of this involves the emotional relationship that develops between sadists and masochists. I have ideas about this but limited experience, so this is one of the big things I need to sort out and I can only sort it out by actually having the experiences.

The most honest answer I can give is that I want someone who does like me, who even adores me, but it is going to be up to my partner when to show affection and when to be cruel/playful/etc. They're going to be the ones who have the power.

So, WE (here on boards) get to make up initials. I love making neo-logisms. LOL!

How 'bout SAR = Sadist And Relationship. Parallels SAM, puts Sadist first, etc.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 10

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:36:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I have to agree with Lance here. I haven't specifically heard of a label attached to what you're describing. To be honest, in a large majority of cases, I tend to think a number of Dominant women don't tend to classify themselves in such a way because it isn't that often that we see ourselves in just one way. We tend to be multifaceted rather than wanting to pigeonhole ourselves as a 'type'. On occasion, you'll see folks use titles such as Ice Queen or Bitch Goddess, but there's a heck of a lot more of that on the net than you'll see in the real world. While I may see Myself as a personality type, that doesn't exclude something completely different that I might be interested in for play. This is something that Claudia Varrin writes about to some detail in her books and I have to say that I agree. It would bore the heck out of Me just to have one style.

The best way to go about this is to get to know the person as well as the player. Even the folks that I just play with regularly tend to do that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 11

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 7:56:08 AM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I have to agree with Lance here. I haven't specifically heard of a label attached to what you're describing. To be honest, in a large majority of cases, I tend to think a number of Dominant women don't tend to classify themselves in such a way because it isn't that often that we see ourselves in just one way. We tend to be multifaceted rather than wanting to pigeonhole ourselves as a 'type'. On occasion, you'll see folks use titles such as Ice Queen or Bitch Goddess, but there's a heck of a lot more of that on the net than you'll see in the real world. While I may see Myself as a personality type, that doesn't exclude something completely different that I might be interested in for play. This is something that Claudia Varrin writes about to some detail in her books and I have to say that I agree. It would bore the heck out of Me just to have one style.

That sounds like good advice, thanks for that!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 10:50:37 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLikelyLad
I'm basically drawn to someone who at the end of the day cares about me and adores me but who is generally pretty antagonistic, pushy, playful, sometimes cruel and who has a sense of humor about the whole thing.

In my experience, the word for this is "normal". This is a pretty good description of most of the RL femdom relationships among people I personally know and associate with regularly. The other shit is mostly based on bad porn, and doesn't tend to work as well or as sustainably in real life.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 13

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 10:52:54 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLikelyLad
So obviously I'm new to this site, and I'm also very new to the lifestyle. I feel like a tourist spending a first night in a foreign country sometimes, convinced I'm asking directions to the bathroom when I'm actually asking the desk clerk if she has seen a man with an octopus for a left foot.

Rule #34: No matter what it is, there is porn of it somewhere. Someone has probably masturbated to this fantasy.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 14

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 12:21:17 PM

TheLikelyLad

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Rule #34: No matter what it is, there is porn of it somewhere. Someone has probably masturbated to this fantasy.

Ha ha someone has masturbated to every permutation of this fantasy. One person has masturbated just thinking about someone with an octopus for a leg. Someone else has masturbated thinking about the tentacles of that octopus sprawling out and wrapping around the female desk clerk. Some very subtle souls have masturbated simply thinking about the look on the desk clerk's face as she guesses that they are asking for the bathroom and deliberately directs them into the wrong one while a man with an octopus for a foot looks on and says nothing.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 15

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 2:47:22 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLikelyLad
I feel like a tourist spending a first night in a foreign country sometimes, convinced I'm asking directions to the bathroom when I'm actually asking the desk clerk if she has seen a man with an octopus for a left foot.

This was funny.
I don't think there is a term for a bratty domme, but I think if you read profiles, you will find that attitude coming through sometimes; I've seen profiles like that, but don't remember names to point you to. As someone has already pointed out, it sound more like playtime role, than consistently sane dominant person, feeling like throwing a tantrum.
Welcome to collarme, and hopefully, you start to feel less awkward, with increased interaction here. M

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 16

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 4:03:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I make them all up as I go!

Or as people title me! You should hear some of those titles! I am still trying to fit them all together into one, just for the fun of it.

Just explain what you are seeking without a title and how you did here. Short cuts tend to be offensive to some, catch all phrases that are easy to communicate with and yet lacking in so many ways.

(I hate little boxes unless they have sparklies in them!)

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 17

RE: Help, please. Is there a phrase for this? - 12/21/2010 4:21:09 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Greetings LikelyLad....

There absolutely are women out there like that.....and no, I don't have a label for them.

I have a few adjectives...
wonderful
fun
hilarious
brilliant
creative
and most of all.... a hella good time.

One of the first Dommes I ever played with had a tremendous sense of humor--she loved SAMs (which is how I identified at the time) and the two (or three, if our friend joined in) of us playing often attracted a crowd in the dungeon--literally, a peanut gallery. Our scenes could get very, very heavy--she was quite the sadist and a very creative, intelligent domme (she was also a Pro for awhile)....but our time together would also be filled with humor and laughter in between all the hardcore stuff. I adore her (and she adores me)--we live on separate coasts but there is always a soft spot in our hearts for one another.

If I ever find a woman like her, I'll be very lucky boy, indeed.

(in reply to TheLikelyLad)

Post #: 18

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Help, please. Is there a phrase for this?

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078