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RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/23/2010 8:43:27 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I believe in privacy for all parties. I believe in sharing household expenses if you live together, but I also believe in separate personal accounts. When I was married, that is what we did and we both contributed to the household account.

But we each had our separate finances because no one can tell me what to do with my money, other than advice. Couples often have different "money language" and doing it this way saves problems and arguments over who spends too much, etc.

I would never, ever share any of that with someone I was not married to.

As for privacy, of course a person needs privacy. No one needs to watch me in the bathroom, etc.  I prefer to emerge looking great rather than having a man watch my preparations.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/23/2010 8:47:27 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
Oh yeah and that bathroom thing...no way. :) I'm with you sexyred. Before John I was seeing a man that wanted me to ask permission everytime and usually accompany me to the bathroom. It didn't last. . Thank god.

I think a little mystery is pretty hot myself, no man needs to see how we get gorgeous either, just the final result :)


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(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/23/2010 8:56:01 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Our lives are so entwined it would be difficult to keep things separate... even just a little.  As far as keeping information private from each other, there is no need for us.  I probably have more of his information than he has of mine, but that is because I've been given responsibility to manage it all.

To add to the bathroom comments, I was very much against losing any bathroom privacy because I always considered some things best left a mystery.  My ex of 22 years had never, ever been in the bathroom with me while I was... erm, occupied.  Firm had no particular interest in accompanying me, however he did hope we'd be comfortable enough to not think anything about it.  While he never made it an issue or insisted I lose that privacy, over the years I have gotten comfortable enough that I rarely close the door.

lol... Of course, being a proper lady I never do anything offensive in there anyway. 


< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 12/23/2010 9:08:14 PM >

(in reply to LoveSparkie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/23/2010 9:19:15 PM   
DamnPickyDomme


Posts: 97
Joined: 10/22/2010
Status: offline 		on the other end of the whip, my male sub partner had access to all my accounts, and i had access to his, but neither one of us bothered to access them unless asked to do so. i saw no reason to keep personal information from him because i trusted him and still do even though we have seperated. he did things like help me enroll kids in school while i was in an extended nursing stay, filled out emergency paperwork when i went into the hospital and other things he would need information for, and i did the same for him when it was necessary. we had seperate bank accounts though, it was something i insisted on because i receive child support and my ex was a jackass about how "his" money was being spent. i could account for every penny if he ever felt he had to challenge the support order.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 7:32:47 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

he is privy to everything concerning me, and i am privy only to what he wishes to share with me. or as Daddy says, "your business is my business, and my business is MY business."


This and for the very same reasons. I can't imagine any part of my life being off-limits but we are over a decade into living together and our relationship dynamic is ownership based.

I have no problem with others choosing a different path and I would even advise it. There are just too many potential asshats out there to be handing over bank account info to someone you are not seriously invested in.

I could make a solid argument that if you are risk-adverse it is best to skip right on by slavery and look more towards a D/s based relationship with negotiated boundaries. Though there is risk in everything, you can't negotiate all risk away.

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 7:49:41 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		We share and have access to everything. That's bank accounts, pay slips, personal information, photos, pass words but it didn't happen straight away. If he had wanted all of those things from the very start I would probably of been suspicious. I trust him totally and absolutely. He can log on here any time he wants and he often does, just to see what I have been up to.
There is no privacy from each other in our lives. We walk around comfortably naked, we never close the bathroom door when its just him and me and we can talk about even the darkest and most depraved fantasies without feeling uncomfortable.
We live together, work together and probably spend less than an hour a week more than a few meters away from each other, which is not for everyone but we love it. In this sort of environment it would be very difficult to have privacy.


< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 12/24/2010 8:00:03 AM >

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(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 9:57:38 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
Would you give your husband that information? 
 That's the only context in which someone would get that info. California's a community property state, so if you're married/civil unioned/domestic partnershipped it's still lumped together, even if you keep separate accounts. Master and I are married and have all passwords, SSN's, share a bank account etc.
 
quote:

If you would share your information with your husband, then why not your dominant?
Because if the crap hits the fan and someone decides to play games, the legal system would pretty much tell you that you screwed yourself by giving someone that you're not legally bound to your financial information.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 12/24/2010 9:58:56 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 11:21:21 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Our lives are so entwined it would be difficult to keep things separate... even just a little.  As far as keeping information private from each other, there is no need for us.  I probably have more of his information than he has of mine, but that is because I've been given responsibility to manage it all.

To add to the bathroom comments, I was very much against losing any bathroom privacy because I always considered some things best left a mystery.  My ex of 22 years had never, ever been in the bathroom with me while I was... erm, occupied.  Firm had no particular interest in accompanying me, however he did hope we'd be comfortable enough to not think anything about it.  While he never made it an issue or insisted I lose that privacy, over the years I have gotten comfortable enough that I rarely close the door.

lol... Of course, being a proper lady I never do anything offensive in there anyway. 

Sigh, my ex never closed the bathroom door, and she did some mighty offensive things in there, lol.

I'm not squicky about it however, I've changed too many diapers - but I am a firm believer in that everybody needs a "box", something they can put their shit in and nobody else can fuck with it - be it a shoebox, or a metaphorical box, like the bathroom.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 2:30:04 PM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

We do have a trusted joint attorney that handles these things for us but I am not going to enter into a relationship with someone that basically keeps me in the dark about financial matters and hands me an allowance. No more than he would accept not having access to my passwords, which is fine by me, I have all of his as well. To my knowledge he has never once looked at my email or my phone texts, but he could. I don't look at his either.   



It doesn't have to be that black and white.  Yes, my Alpha has control of all our money and gives me an allowance.  But I do the checkbook, so I know exactly how much money we have and what it's being spent on.  And though the final say is always his, he listens to my input on all major financial decisions.  He often takes my advice, because we have very different types of life experience, and he knows that when I say something should absolutely be a certain way, I'm usually right.  I also have all his passwords except to his personal e-mail, which is the only bit of privacy he has from me.

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Future Thru-Hiker!

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/24/2010 4:48:11 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I don't live in the same abode as him so I get enough of the kind of privacy that keeps me sane.

Things like bank accounts, yep, he can look anytime he wants to. He could strip me blind financially and fuck me over big-time ..... but......I trust he won't. I can't be in a relationship with someone and be thinking *What if they fuck me over?*. If I had to withhold info for that reason, they'd be an aquaintance not my owner.

No, the future is never certain but even so, I'm not holding onto*privacy*of that kind from anyone I'm in a deeply intimate and long-held relationship with. But then, I've never been ripped off in a way that would incite me to even begin to think that way.

I don't make contingencies because I have no expectations of being treated shabbily. I know that I wouldn't be able to make decisions about what I would, or wouldn't do, if I wasn't even in a relationship.....it would seem futile.

agirl

(in reply to LoveSparkie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/27/2010 6:55:51 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		We're just over a year and a half into this, so fairly new, in my opinion.  And we do not live together yet but are talking about making plans to move me in.  I'd imagine I will have less privacy once we're under the same roof.

That said, I am not concerned about my finances with him.  He handles money far better than I do, and sometimes instructs me on how to spend.  Usually the instructions are a lot more conservative than I would otherwise choose for myself.  He has said, however, that when we move in, I will maintain my own accounts, at least at first.

As for bathroom privacy...well, I grew up in a house with five kids who shared one bathroom.  Such privacy did not exist so not having bathroom privacy with him is a non issue for me.

The one thing he insists on my keeping for myself is my email, to communicate with friends and family.  He believes a girl needs her "girl-talk" and has no interest in intruding in it.  He also believes it is best for me to maintain a "safe place" for friends and family to confide in, without concern about who else may be reading it.  He knows if something affects me, I will tell him.

I don't have a need to maintain privacy separate from him.  I trust him with my body and mind, and I trust him with my heart, so trusting him with my money just falls in with that and is a no brainer for me.  Then again, we have very slowly and carefully developed trust between each other. 


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/27/2010 4:52:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Thinking it over, I probably have more of his info than he does of mine. But that's because I do his banking, I get him the info he needs. I no longer have his regular email password but that's because he changed it to some random string of letters and I can't remember them. If he needs something from it and isn't home he dictates the password to me so I can access it. I do a lot of glorified secretarial work for him so I need this to do what he needs done.

But although I think he thinks it would be hot to have me ask permission to go to the bathroom, I'm 55. Stress incontinence will not wait while you have to wait for someone to have time to listen to you ask for permission. The urge comes when it comes.


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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/27/2010 5:05:12 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


But although I think he thinks it would be hot to have me ask permission to go to the bathroom, I'm 55. Stress incontinence will not wait while you have to wait for someone to have time to listen to you ask for permission. The urge comes when it comes.



I'm 45 and do have to ask. And while I don't experience stress incontinence, there have been times when I just couldn't wait.  So, I go running to the bathroom yelling, "Can I go to the bathroom, cuz I really gotta go and can't wait, thanks!!!!" He just laughs.  He gets that "life happens." 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/27/2010 5:57:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The last two years, since I've been fully menopausal have been a pain. Kegels used to work great, no longer the case. This getting older stuff is for the birds.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How much Privacy do you have? - 12/27/2010 6:06:26 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I was looking at an apartment a few years ago and the owner/landlord who was showing it to me was 83.  She said, "You know, dear, I was a physiology professor in my day.  And all I can say now is, everything I taught back then?  It's worse than I thought!"





_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
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