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Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/23/2010 7:26:47 PM   
vaguy1953


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		Life is strange. I'm beginning to realize I'm more sadistic than I realized before. I have a vanilla girlfriend who knows about my interest in BDSM. She has allowed me to bring a few things into the bedroom such as spanking, nipple clamps and a ball gag. She seems to enjoy this but so far won't let me take it any further and that's okay. I would love to be able to take my belt off and spank her until her ass was glowing. I also love crops and I'm sure she'll never agree to me leaving whelps on her ass. Plus she's really afraid of being restrained which I can understand because that would mean that she'd given up control.

I could care less wheter or not I have intercourse anymore. I want to mention that I'm diabetic and I've lost the ability to achieve an erection without the use of drugs. I don't really care because I get more out of the play than I do out of intercourse. Then on the other hand I must get something from it because I'm willing to do it and the medication that I use requires an injection in the penis. I thought the insulin injections were bad when I started them but these needles that go into the penis are huge compared to the needles I use for insulin.

I'd be interested to hear how others feel about intercourse and BDSM play.

Thanks in advance.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/23/2010 11:18:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This is probably the minority opinion.  I can do either, neither, or both and be just as content.  If I'm actually not having intercourse, but I'm topping, I'm just fine doing that.  The endorphin rush that I get from it keeps My brain chemistry just as healthy as an active sex life.  (I'm basing this on personal experience of those periods of My husband being deployed where I'm not having physical sex for long periods.)  All well and good for Me.

However, I can't write this up without saying this to you.  You're in a relationship with another human being and one that doesn't sound like she gets the same thrill out of the play time that you do.  A lot of folks see sex as a lot more than just an endorphin rush and when sex is absent, it leaves a pretty big hole.  Even if you have medical issues that make intercourse difficult for you, there needs to be some intimate activity so the woman in your life feels loved, desired, and is also happy with the physical part of your relationship.  You don't have to base your entire sex life on your penis.  You've got other parts of you that work just fine and they make a hell of a lot of toys to keep her happy.  Just something to keep in mind.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 4:11:11 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Lady P, I guess I'm part of that minority then, the endorphins work for me, but my sex drive tends to be more focused on a person, I top and torture casually, but I can't have sex casually or randomly...

To the OP, yes what Lady Pact said, because if your partner isn't getting anything out of it, she'll become quite frustrated in the long run and there are plenty of things you can do that don't involve a penis... Not even talking about battery operated toys, you got hands, a tongue...

_____________________________

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Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 4:40:17 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Sex connects all kinds of systems together; vascular, muscular, immune, respiratory, limbic, and of course reproductive.

Sadism and similar impulses connect to fewer of them. And if you're having a blockage in one or more, then your brain might be compensating by trying to channel signals along paths that can reach endorphin release; good in a way, but troubling in others.

As a diabetic, you may want to look into the loss of your sex drive for reasons other than just sex. It may be a warning sign that you need to make corrections in diet, exercise and lifestyle, possibly a full-fledged hormone supplement.

If you've always been that way, then it'd be less of a concern. If however the lack of sexual interest is a significant and recent change in mental impulses, and it's not related to a new-found 'discovery' of sadistic pleasure, then it's something to see a doctor about. A good doc who won't dismiss the concern as one untreatable or inevitable at your age or diabetic status.

We're only a few decades away from the singularity, vaguy, don't let your body give up just yet.


_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 7:05:11 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I need to be really really warmed-up up before I'd enjoy a belt or a cane. I find spankings too stingy or something too. But I absolutely adore a big heavy thuddy flogger, which is also great as a warm up for the above.

When my husband and I started buying toys, we got restraints that had a release so I would be able to get out of them if I felt the need. I never did, but this was mentally reassuring then. Now, I get off on being "truly" helpless. I did a quick search and could not find an example but your local sex emporium should be able to help you out.

Regarding intercourse and BDSM, for my husband and me, BDSM was foreplay. With my current play partners, intercourse (or any form of traditional sex) is not integral. Sometimes an orgasm is the cherry on the sundae, nice, but not necessary. Sometimes I'm completely sated from the BDSM, and my orgasm is just extra calories.

LadyP said it better:
quote:

I can do either, neither, or both and be just as content.


Although I'm not sure I understand the "neither" (?)

(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 11:17:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What Lady P said. He's diabetic so intercourse is a sometimes thing depending on how controlled his sugar and eating habits are.
But I adore bondage, and it involves orgasms for me. If that's from being restrained with a dildo or a vibe inserted or tied onto my clit, no problem. If it's from his hands, also great. If from intercourse, equally fine.

And we can also go out to the movies or for a walk and enjoy each other's company without any sex or play.

And as Lady P said, it isn't all about you. Unless your partner is happy also, and that involves you sitting and talking to her, the relationship will be short term.


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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 11:45:20 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		my master is also diabetic and insulin resistant. his circulation is terrible and we are trying different pils. so far they only help a tiny bit so we dont have intercourse

i miss it sometimes but he satifies me so much and he has found ways to satisfy himself with me

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 1:29:49 PM   
vaguy1953


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		@phoenixmoonn13 Get your master to talk to a urologist. There are injections that work great the injection is not overly painful and it works.

To everyone else. I'm not selfish my girlfriend is getting something out of our relationship. I'm very good orally and with my hands and toys.

Thanks everyone.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 5:06:46 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I spent five years with my first Sir, in a very sexual relationship - and he had erectile dysfunction. He also had heart disease so couldn't take the little pill. 

So - for five years i didn't have intercourse, but , in every way, i was a satisfied woman   -   specifically, because of the bdsm in our lives.

Therefore , there are women who don't require an erect penis to be happy and satisfied. Sexuality can be expressed in so many different ways. You just need to find ways to satisfy your lady.

(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 5:37:32 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		At the very least I wanna have a blow job while topping somebody. LOL Intercourse itself.. all depends upon what kinda mood I'm in. There are times when I'm only into Blow jobs and a little fisting action. Other times when I want to fuck all night long. Times when I just want to spoon up and slide my cock between the cheeks of the ass. Whatever mood I'm in, I just embrace and do it. I do think, If you need to take pills for whatever you want to do, there should be no shame in it. Everything is good as long as you find a way to enjoy yourself or get the fuck off. Can't be anymore simple compared to that.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

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(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 6:08:47 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I care more about kink than sex. Unless the sex an kink go Hand in hand.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 9:00:07 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I guess I am different than everyone else..I love kink and deviant actvities and toys, etc., but without the full on penetration of sex, I would be left wanting more, no matter how many orgasms I have from other things.

I feel badly for the OP about his medical condition, but he did ask the question.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 9:47:26 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

............ but without the full on penetration of sex, I would be left wanting more, no matter how many orgasms I have from other things.......



Ditto.

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(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/24/2010 10:12:47 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		I lived for years without sex because my husband of the time was impotent. Meds did nothing for him, and he was unwilling to find out what measures were available to him. One thing I look for now in a man is that he is able to have intercourse. It is important to me. I didn't leave my ex for his inability to have sex and I'd not do that in the future if I was with someone, but if I'm starting out new I'd like to have someone who is functional in this department. Kink is great but it doesn't take the place of sex. Strictly my own view.

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/25/2010 8:44:52 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I am glad I like kink more than sex because I will do kink casually with out needing to know the person, but won't have casual sex with strangers, plus having been molested for a good portion of my childhood, I don't get much enjoyment from sex. It's a been there done that, not anything that holds much interest.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/25/2010 9:05:05 AM   
vaguy1953


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		I just want to make sure this is clarified for everyone. I don't dislike intercourse, I just don't think about it as much any more. I find that in my day to day life I fantasize about kink rather than sex. If I play today I don't care whether or not if I cum but if my partner wants to cum I'll make sure that happens.

I guess the thought or question I was throwing out is how does everyone else feel about the need to have intercourse related to kinky play?

Also for anyone that knows someone suffering from impotence there is help. The medication I'm currently taking is a compound that my urologist came up with but there are other injectible medications on the market such as Caverject. I've had excellent success with injections and Viagra wasn't working for me anymore.

I probably do need to exercise more and I guess that will have to be a New Year's resolution but I do watch my blood sugar and diet and they are both under control.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/25/2010 9:05:23 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vaguy1953
To everyone else. I'm not selfish my girlfriend is getting something out of our relationship. I'm very good orally and with my hands and toys.

Thanks everyone.

In fairness, I didn't say you were selfish.  I said you should be aware.  If you are being so, you're doing better than those who would ignore the issue.  Kudos on that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Life Changes - Lose of Interest In Intercourse - 12/26/2010 12:52:39 PM   
SomoneReal


Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vaguy1953

Life is strange. I'm beginning to realize I'm more sadistic than I realized before. I have a vanilla girlfriend who knows about my interest in BDSM. She has allowed me to bring a few things into the bedroom such as spanking, nipple clamps and a ball gag. She seems to enjoy this but so far won't let me take it any further and that's okay. I would love to be able to take my belt off and spank her until her ass was glowing. I also love crops and I'm sure she'll never agree to me leaving whelps on her ass. Plus she's really afraid of being restrained which I can understand because that would mean that she'd given up control.

I could care less wheter or not I have intercourse anymore. I want to mention that I'm diabetic and I've lost the ability to achieve an erection without the use of drugs. I don't really care because I get more out of the play than I do out of intercourse. Then on the other hand I must get something from it because I'm willing to do it and the medication that I use requires an injection in the penis. I thought the insulin injections were bad when I started them but these needles that go into the penis are huge compared to the needles I use for insulin.

I'd be interested to hear how others feel about intercourse and BDSM play.

Thanks in advance.


Try something like Qi Gong to re-gain your health.  There's a lot of great DVDs on Amazon.com that will teach you this simple and VERY effective health regenerating art.

(in reply to vaguy1953)
Profile   Post #: 18
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