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RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 3:01:30 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

I'm assuming nothing. If she does open up in her emails, great, but she hasn't given that here... So you too are assuming she does. I am noting a minor lack of authenticity on the OP's profile. I'm reading her question, looking at her profile, and asking whether her being evasive is the best way to attract, real, honest potentials. If she is searching specifically for communicative, open submissives, it would be helpful if she were open, honest, and communicative herself, to foster trust.

No, she hasn't given that here, because this topic was nothing to do with that-why would she? Your criticisms were totally out of the blue. I'm not assuming she does, I'm saying you can't assume she doesn't-again, two different things.

quote:

She may not be faking a photo, and is within her rights, as long as she isn't asking for a photo. However, if she is uncomfortable sharing simple things as her age, and appearance, I would think it unreasonable for her to ask openness from her intended subs.

Can you honestly not understand the difference between not being open in a public advert about something, and not being open in a private email? You have no evidence about how open she is in private communication with any intended subs. You have no idea what she shares or does not share.

quote:

quote:

Listing your age as 99 is not the same as faking your age-it's a clear refusal to answer the question in public. Only an idiot would think she was actually 99
It isn't? Saying I'm 20yo, is not faking my 40+ years? I take words posted on the internet at face value, unless/untill I'm corrected by the writer. I don't take it upon myself to dig for the truth. I'm open with my information, and expect the same from the other.

Again with the 'can you honestly' questions (because again I'm having difficulty believing anybody believes some of the things you type). Can you honestly not see the difference between falsely listing yourself as 20 and falsely listing yourself as 99 (the top value CM takes)? Seriously?

quote:

You seem to be not clear on authenticity, if you pick, and choose what you're going to be authentic about, and feel your parameters ought to be universally accepted. Only an imbecile would lie/omit truths, than rationalize it with "but it's the internet, I'm the dominant, we'll eventually get to the truth, and you'll accept it."
Sure, be fat, and say you're skinny, or be 60, and say you're 30 because you're a domme, and that is okay. Demand that he be attractive, but pay no attention to what he may find attractive. Lies of omission mean nothing after all, especially if one is dominant. M

How is listing an obviously false age (making no attempt to persuade anyone that you're actually 90-something) the same as doing what you're saying in this paragraph? CM demands that you list an age to have an advert-people choose the upper limit if they don't wish to list their age, because it's clearly false. It doesn't demand a weight, so falsely putting a weight is a different issue.

Where did I mention anything about being dominant? You're putting words into my mouth. I'd appreciate it if you could reply to things I've actually said, rather than wild flights of fantasy about whatever you think I'm thinking.

And how on earth can you decide she's not paying attention to what any potential partner finds attractive? You have no idea what form her private communications take.

'Only an imbecile would omit truths'-what a ridiculous thing to say. I suppose you're posting your place of work and phone number on your public profile? Those are truths-are you an imbecile for omitting them? Of course not, because those are personal details. But then who are you to decide what personal details other people feel comfortable posting?

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Post #: 21

RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 8:31:55 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Stating you're 99 although technically a lie is generally assumed to be a way to get around the age requirement since you can't leave it blank.

However when she says she doesn't have more than one or two email exchanges, I'm assuming she does not offer a photo. And I do think that's harming her chances. You can put up a photo of you under a tree with heavy shadow on your face that shows your general looks without identifying yourself.

Beyond that, she wants some kind of guarantee that the person she's meeting is worth meeting. And that's not going to happen. Either meet quickly at a Starbucks and see if they're sincere by showing up or meet at a munch or lifestyle event you were going to anyway. If it's a Starbucks, and you get stood up, you still get to have a cup of coffee. If you get stood up at a lifestyle event, so what, you were going there anyway.

But the op would do a lot better if she expected that at best she might make a friend instead of trying to screen for a perfect poly partner. I don't remember if her profile says she's in a relationship and looking for a third or fourth, if not it should. Personally I find her screen name confusing as it seems to indicate she's looking for a female sub, not a male. If quality malesubs also are confused by it, then they wouldn't write to her to begin with, leaving her only the ones who c & p everyone.

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Post #: 22

RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 10:22:24 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ISOPussySlut

I haven't been on the site long, but I can see already how this is going to go. There are lots of sub/slaves who want to be owned or trained. Not so many Domme/Mistresses available. You think that would work in our favor.

I realize not everyone will be attractive to me. I know what it feels like to think someone is not attractive physically, only to spend time with them and grow to appreciate the person inside...I just don't know how that can happen when guys don't care for emailing more then a few times.

So how do you know who to pick out, do you pass by the many males who are not attractive to you? Do you take a chance with them instead?

Hello ISO...welcome to CollarMe.

Yes, the odds do seem to be in our favor...but somehow it doesn't work out that way. My own search for someone sort of nearby who doesn't use tobacco products, doesn't use drugs nor alcohol, is not bisexual or poly, is Christian, kinky, and isn't married or otherwise involved with someone else...he will be a rare human being for my area. Finding out if we are compatible...I know I am looking for a needle in a haystack.

Many guys in the profiles area are just starting to get their toes wet with D/s and are skittish, others are more comfortable with keeping this an online fantasy. As for the ones who write a letter or two and go poof, I figure they already decided that we were incompatible or hooked up with someone...easier than I am.

How do I know who to pick out? I had better luck in the chatrooms than in the mail room, found some very sweet guys I will never forget. It is not a matter of looks, I haven't asked for pictures. How have I known who to pick out? Someone who seems to be always under my feet...if he is interested, he is nearby, wanting my company. I miss this, cannot access the chatrooms anymore until I buy a new computer or fix one of my old XPs. When a man is mine, he becomes beautiful in my eyes, his annoying, aggravating, sweet little ways become...quirks that make him unique. I have never had a sub that I didn't start falling into adoration with...because of our emotional power exchange.

Glad to hear you have someone already, and I wish you good luck with your unicorn search. Maybe you will find your other one here at CM, in less than the 4 years you have been searching in vanilla. It might help if you add more things to your list than just kinks...some of us use the search feature and look up people who have vanilla interests in common with our own.

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Post #: 23

RE: getting to know someone - 12/28/2010 1:18:02 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

However when she says she doesn't have more than one or two email exchanges, I'm assuming she does not offer a photo.

Why are you assuming that? It's not that you're necessarily wrong (your guess is as good as mine), but that's definitely an assumption rather than a fact. I've often sent a photo with a first or second message. Not having it out there for Joe 'I've never spoken to you but I've just made your image my screensaver' Bloggs is not the same as being hesitant about sending it to a specific person you have good feelings about.

quote:

Beyond that, she wants some kind of guarantee that the person she's meeting is worth meeting.

I don't see that-I see her asking for filtering techniques, not a magic wand. It's a valid question, and it's something we all either know intuitively or have had to figure out (I still can't pin my own down much past 'I know it when I see it', which is one of the reasons I avoided this thread until someone started randomly criticising the OP).

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Post #: 24