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Masochism conflict - 12/26/2010 7:24:57 PM

BbcSlutKc

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im confused with myself and need a little help please!! sometimes i watch videos that deal with quite a bit of torture in them and i really really like it! i dont like the extreme very much tho i dont like to see/hear someone sound like they r about to die from the pain. but when it comes to me actually being the one to go thru the pain i like it sometimes and i want it sometimes but other times i cant stand to even think of myself going thru pain and im confused about y my Master wants to hurt me. then my head clears up and i understand and i want it. does anyone else ever go thru this?

sorry about the rambling, lol Thanks!

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/26/2010 8:28:13 PM

Darkfeather

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Without going into the technical aspects of it, there are two sides to torture. The mental and the physical. The physical is purely reactionary, the nerve endings respond to stimulus, sending signals to the brain which interprets them and responds acordingly. The mental aspect however can be a whole nother ballgame. The mind is after all the largest most complex organ we humans posess. In fact, one of the major lessons taught to professionals in the art of torture is that in order to gain anything from a prisoner, the key is not to break the body, but the mind. In kink, this all means that the brain can interpret pain, or any stimulus for that matter, in all sorts of ways.

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 12:17:47 AM

BbcSlutKc

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so maybe if i just kinda shut my brain down so to speak i will be able to actually get the enjoyment out of it? and not be so worried about it hurting so much? i almost think that i freak myself out so bad, that i scare myself... thank u very much for the response!

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 12:36:17 AM

Darkfeather

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Well, shutting down a stimulus is quite difficult to do. Imagine trying to get yourself to NOT like chocolate if you already do, or go into a dark room if you are afraid of it. Pain is an automatic response, physiological. Fear is a neurological response. Like you said, fear can be "in your head", enhanced, amplified. Now, both types of stimulus can be learned to be controlled, but each has to be approached differently. This is because of the two different ways the body handles them. In fact, as you know, some people can actually associate the pleasure sensation (mental stimulus) with pain (physiological stimulus). The easiest way to learn this is not by trying to shut down or cancel the mental aspects. This takes a great deal of specialized training. It is far easier to in stead transfer the stimulus to a different association. For example, take the popular quitting smoking method of wearing a rubber band on your wrist. The practice entails whenever the urge to smoke takes you, pull the rubber band and let it snap you hard. This in turn trains the brain to instead of associating craving a cigarette to smoking, to linking it to that sharp pain on your wrist. Do it enough times, and its supposed to make your brain actually feel the phantom snap of the rubber band every time you think of a smoke. Of course, the brain is a complex organ, so does this work on everyone, who knows

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 5:42:24 AM

DarkSteven

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BbcSlutKc (congratulations on winning the division and making the playoffs BTW),you and your Dom need to be aware about subspace. It sounds like you might be headed there.

Subspace occurs when your mind has more to deal with, in this case pain, than it can process. So you just zone out. Your Dom can keep playing with you all he wants - you can't feel it. (You WILL feel the aftereffects when you come out of it later, though!)

It's a nice state, and coming out of it can be very nice as well. Your Dom needs to be very attentive to you then. Most subs need being held and cuddled, and maybe wrapped in a blanket to keep warm. I've heard that some want to be left alone then.

The drawback is that you are unaware of what's going on and cannot safeword. So your Dom needs to be aware of how far he's pushing you, and be mindful of safety.

If your Dom has experience, he should know how to induce subspace. If he doesn't, he needs to join a local group and get some mentoring.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 9:35:12 AM

BbcSlutKc

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thank u both very much!!

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 9:38:18 AM

BbcSlutKc

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o ya i watched the chiefs whoop tenn. lol that was an awful game, hahaha

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 10:32:26 AM

sexyred1

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To add to what DarkSteven said about subspace:

Some people, me, for example, don't get off on pain per se. I am not a masochist at all.

However, the more I am aroused sexually, the more "pain" I can take. The combination of being highly aroused and some pain is what puts me into subspace. Of course this all depends on the particular dynamic I am having with someone as to the levels I can or cannot attain in both arousal and pain.

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/27/2010 2:49:33 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

and not be so worried about it hurting so much? i almost think that i freak myself out so bad, that i scare myself

I almost had an anxiety attack before the second time I played with a man I call The Sadist. I breathed. Lots of deep breaths. Screaming helps too :) He made me squirt for the first time ever!

Remember, you can always safeword.

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/28/2010 1:56:10 PM

subsfaith

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BbcSlutKc

but when it comes to me actually being the one to go thru the pain i like it sometimes and i want it sometimes but other times i cant stand to even think of myself going thru pain and im confused about y my Master wants to hurt me. then my head clears up and i understand and i want it.

Firstly I would ask you to bear in mind that sometimes a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. Take rape for instance... so many women fantasize about being raped, but the reality is so fucking ugly. Not all fantasies should be made reality. Use them, get off on them, talk dirty about them, but keep them as mind play and leave them there.

As for you wanting your cake and eating it... you want it when you want it. We are all like that to a certain extent and part of being a grown up is accepting that we can't always have what we want, when we want it and not sulking about it. However, if you buy into the negatives of not wanting something right there and then, you will allow those feelings to grow inside and twist and mutate right up to the point of you being confused, being scared, etc.

Basically you have to get a handle on yourself. Sure pain can be challenging, but in this playground, it isn't going to kill you. If you forget why your man wants to hurt you, ask for help to understand it, ask him to explain why, what he gets out of it... and then say thank you. Remind yourself that your mind plays tricks on you. Ask your man to be aware that this is happening and ask for his help in recognising and dealing with this before you get to the bottom of your downward spiral.

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RE: Masochism conflict - 12/28/2010 2:46:11 PM

BbcSlutKc

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thank u all very much, very useful information!!

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