The Green-Eyed Monster

The Green-Eyed Monster (Full Version)

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babysburnin -> The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 3:40:00 PM)
This sentiment is not necessarily very submissive of me...BUT... For those of you who are in-love with HIM and have to share, how do you handle it? Jealousy equals insecurity (so the experts say)...What if it's not insecurity at all and you just feel like, this is so great - mine, mine, mine?

KatyLied -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 3:52:38 PM)
Not everyone likes to share. Has he told you how it makes him feel, when you submit to something that he knows is difficult for you? Some of the biggest growth has its roots in pain. These things that are difficult to submit to. And some of the best feedback is in knowing how much you please him by doing this. Are you going to have a relationship (friendship, play, etc) with the person you are sharing him with? I don't know from experience, but I would think that may make it easier for you. Good luck Babys.

puella -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 4:04:09 PM)
This poses a very tricky obstacle for you. I am assuming you entered into this 'contract' between you two with the idea of being in a poly relationship as something that was not going to happen? It puts you in a very bad position to make such a huge change. You now are left with the choice... 'Okay, I am totally and completely in love with this man, I have surrendered everything I haveof myself to him, and I am not poly. Do I try to make it work, try to find a way that I can change a very integral part of who I am to indulge his pleasure, or has the dynamic that I committed to been so severely altered that I do not think I can commit to this?" I have some very strong feelings on this topic so I will try to keep it brief and out of the personal. Make sure you have a way that you can talk to him about all that you feel, and all that you fear. Make sure that if you do decide to try to be poly for him, he will walk right beside you and guide you every step of the way. Make sure that there is a strong enough commitment that if things start to go very badly, he will not abandon you for it. Go into this with your eyes as well as your heart wide open, I guess. And good luck to you.

Reasonable -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 4:46:57 PM)
And not just your master..... puella gave excellent advice-be sure you make a connection with the other girl as well. A sense of kinship and comeraderie with her will help greatly as well. if this will ultimately work for you,none of the people in the relationship can be seen as competition,or keeping things from you. They are family,and you will have good and worthy things from ALL of them.[;)]

OnlyHis -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 5:02:36 PM)
There is certainly nothing wrong with you thinking what you have with your Master is great. I feel that way too, He has brought me a long way since i have been His. I agree with others here that say sometimes what you submit to your Master can cause you the worst pain, emotionally especially in this instance. But if you can find your own way through it , a way that works for you, you will see just how strong you really are, and how strong the bond with your Master really is. Me, i am still in that learning process and i still make mistakes but my heart and mind are willing to go that one step further (then another and another) to have this relationship with Master.

babysburnin -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 5:04:06 PM)
I am not being asked to "be" with this woman, or even see "them" together - it's an emotional thing... (Do I seem like a cry-baby now?) It still causes me hurt...I love HIM. Darn it - I am being a cry-baby ... I signed up for this. I was just asking for advice on how to feel better... [;)]

bandit25 -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 5:11:23 PM)
Only you can make yourself feel better.

KatyLied -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 5:37:01 PM)
I have an overwhelming need to process when certain things are put before me (expected submission that is difficult). I blog to my Dom about it. It's a place where I can say anything, without any repercussions. He understands that I sometimes need to do it, sometimes he'll ask me to journal specifically on a certain issue. Regardless of whether you hand write journal or on-line blog, it can be a good way to get the thoughts and feelings out on paper. Other than that, to feel good - treat yourself to something you enjoy, that usually works, sometimes it's only temporary, but it can't hurt.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 5:45:32 PM)
Why is it seperate?..why are you not all together?..is it due to you? or is it due to your Master?..is his relationship with another M/s..D/s..BDSM?..does he see in the forseeable future as coming together as a family?...not enough info..All I can say is possibly your bad feelings are due to the fact that it seems to be a seperate thing,how can you establish a relationship with other if you are not present?..so feel better?..I think only when you know where and how this situation stands so that you can make an informed opinion..be well...Tempting

babysburnin -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (4/30/2006 7:20:05 PM)
Guess what - I had "needy feelings" and my Dom silenced them with Love. Your responses made me appreciate what we have. Thanks!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/1/2006 6:47:11 AM)
You should check out the Poly forum, lots of threads on jealousy and handling interdynamics there. My generic poly/jealous essay: A specific piece of advice is that if any of you feel like you have to micromanage the others relationship, it will more than likely cause complications. You either trust eachother or you don't. If you each feel you need a battle plan for each date and scene, you just might not be ready for it. Hot chicks will always be around, better to wait until your primary relationship is really solid before treading water. While being VERY clear on limits and expectations is advised, and this comes from lots of discussion between everyone, there comes a point when it becomes pacifying your own securities rather than allowing the relationship to simply be what it is. A response to the question: What do you do about jealousy in relationships (poly specific)? It depends on how much experience everyone has, what the situation is, and what your options are. Have you read the Ethical Slut? That can be an immense help atp utting a lot of ideas together in workable ways. Obviously starting out, TALK TALK TALK. There is NO TOLERANCE for hiding things, pushing things away, and lying. If it doesn't catch up to you today, it WILL catch up to you in a month. Normally in Ds poly you have two sides- the established relationship and the newcomer. The newcomer is happy, but worried. She has a lot of history and establishment she's coming into. She wants to feel welcomed, but doesn't want to get lost or ganged up on. The established relationship wants to try a new mix, wants to be happy with new people, but is going to have to relearn how to work while maintaining the solidarity that you had before. This isn't just adding a side of fries to your meal, it's adding a new person to your life. There might also be pressure from other "friends" that this new person is obviously just trying to break you up. This boils down to being totally honest. What type of poly do you want, a family? friend? lover? will you both be able to have independent relationships? What will you do when someone goes out of town? what about sex? What needs to be kept "special"? Some of these answers you should have a fairly good grasp of before you go out looking and others will simply come in time and experience. Your answers might also change over time. What does this have to do with jealousy? 70-80% of all jealousy comes from not knowing and not being secure in the relationship you have. This is eliminated by clear communication, clear intent and clear expectations. Next- EXPECT jealousy. EXPECT that your strong world will sometimes fall apart and you will feel lonely, rejected and as if something else is taking it away from you. Once you realize that it's GOING to happen, you can stop wasting time geeling guilty about experiencing it. Communicate it of course, but remember that (given that everyone is being a mature adult) everyone is working towards a fulfilling relationship for everyone. Sort out priorities. Poly relationships are ALL about deciding what is priority, when and how. The better your sort them out, the more you can understand how everyone else has to sort them out, but the better you can deal with an immediate situation. Take the time to figure out your jealousy at the moment, and then figure how it fits into the long term picture- tomorrow? next week? a year? Sometimes it's best to just let it go. Sometimes its best to talk it out (you talk a LOT in the beginning and then you keep talking a LOT throughout). Remember that everyone in their own way is dealing with the same issues you are- trying to work together. We all have lives, we all have our sensitivies, our losses, our responses, our illusions, our condemnation, our celebrations and more. Fitting them together into a whole is never smooth. But, if it is truly how everyone will feel fulfilled, and if it is a good balance between everyone, it can work, and work very happily.

littleone35 -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/1/2006 6:55:54 AM)
babys i underwstand what you are feeling i am very much in love with my Master. You should talk to him. I told my Master from the get go that i wanted to be the only one and if he wanted another then he would not have me and we agreed i would be his only one. Matt's littleone

babysburnin -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/1/2006 10:28:52 AM)
Lucky Albatross - BTW - you rock! [;)]

fastlane -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/1/2006 1:23:40 PM)
Well, I don't love him in the least bit, but I do know that Green eyed monster can not only bite you in places that you don't need it, but also humiliate you publicly....so move forward with trepidation and keep a healthy balance of friends around you. My best to you all, Kevin

denika -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/1/2006 9:55:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babysburnin This sentiment is not necessarily very submissive of me...BUT... For those of you who are in-love with HIM and have to share, how do you handle it? Jealousy equals insecurity (so the experts say)...What if it's not insecurity at all and you just feel like, this is so great - mine, mine, mine? Not everyone is meant to have an open relationship, and that is fine, what ever works for both parties is what is important. My husband isn't my Dom but I do love the bugger never the less s In the beginning of our relationship one of the biggest talks we had was the fact that both of us were open minded about swinging ( I really hate that term sounds so 70's) It takes a lot of communication and trust and just like a traditional relationship there are ups and downs. I would no more expect someone who is monogomous to be comfortable with sharing than if I was told, 'sorry you can't share' The relationship I have with my Top is simular. He has two slaves that he loves and cherises dearly. And as good as He is there is only so much of Him to go around S so being secure in our relationships has helped when issues do come up. denika

ownedblackbeauty -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/2/2006 9:17:22 AM)
i feel as though because what Master, Sir, my sister slave and myself all share is the greatest thing: why not invite others to share?! allow Y/yourself to explore with O/others! i would want nothing more than to stand on the highest mountain and tell the world about U/us! however, those close minded people would have a lot to say but that is because they do not understand. in fact, i would have never thought to be in a poly relationship. NEVER! but when i got this note from spankingbeauty, i just felt sooo interested, for lack of a better world. i do not wish to limit myself by not exploring. i have found that this truly is where i belong. i think it is great to share Master, Sir. it makes Him happy. it brings Him pleasure to have others. His happiness brings me joy. slave ty property of Master, Sir and spankingbeauty (cm.com)

SweetEscravo -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/2/2006 10:28:23 AM)
I have a huge problem with people trying to make me share my dom, although it does depend. He gets hit on by women constantly, and it is difficult for me to deal with sometimes when he is getting so much attention. He also has a few close female friends who I have noticed are very touchy-feely with him at times. I don't mind his attention being away from me, but I do get a pretty bad case of jelousy at times that gets me in trouble.

Mercnbeth -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/2/2006 12:33:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babysburnin ...For those of you who are in-love with HIM and have to share, how do you handle it?... perhaps it is a matter of perception. this slave does not have posessions,i.e. physical tangible things that could or could not be shared should she have that choice either. Everything belongs to Master. Including Himself. Master shares Himself with this slave. He also makes the decision regarding who He will share Himself and His slave with. each and every day this slave reminds herself and meditates on the fact that Master is NOT her posession. it works fabulously... posessiveness, jealousy and difficulty sharing, on this slave's part, are not an issue.

KnightofMists -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/2/2006 2:47:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth perhaps it is a matter of perception. this slave does not have posessions,i.e. physical tangible things that could or could not be shared should she have that choice either. Everything belongs to Master. Including Himself. Master shares Himself with this slave. He also makes the decision regarding who He will share Himself and His slave with. each and every day this slave reminds herself and meditates on the fact that Master is NOT her posession. it works fabulously... posessiveness, jealousy and difficulty sharing, on this slave's part, are not an issue. beth... I think you really have hit a very important point here... the matter of perspective of how one views the relationship. "I am His slave/submissive" is actually a much different statement than... "He is my Master/Dominant" They may appear to communicate the same thing... but there is an underlying difference on focus and perception occuring. I would add that neither is better than the other. But, I do find that the former seems to be more adaptable and constructive to certain situations than the latter in my M/s relationships. How this may effect other M/s or D/s relationships, I think a person would have to consider the individual relationships. So how does it affect yours? I recall when kyra expressed her desire to be my slave. I asked what she wanted... her answer was simple "I wish to be Yours" It to me clearly conveyed the underlying message of who had ownership and authority. It may of been her wish to be mine... but it was my decision to Own her. This perspective is one of the things that allows her to adapt and deal with the challenges of a poly-lifestyle with me. As a note, this perspective actually helps her in many other areas of our M/s relationship as well.

Mercnbeth -> RE: The Green-Eyed Monster (5/2/2006 3:44:49 PM)
quote: I asked what she wanted... her answer was simple "I wish to be Yours" It to me clearly conveyed the underlying message of who had ownership and authority. Knight, I agree completely obviously, but I need to add a comment or two. In this context, the words are important. "I wish to be Yours" is the answer you want, and expect, to hear. BUT - and it is the BIG BUT, until those words are tested up close and personal, in a situation for the first time, I don't think either person can represent 100% confidence in them. It's one thing to say it and consider the theoretical, it's quite another to see it occur in front of you. There is no amount of communication or discussion of 'worst case' that can prepare you for what you're feeling. Compare it to parachute jumping. You can talk about it, plan it, practice it, people can describe it to you; but until you jump (or are pushed) out of the plane for the first time, you really don't know how it feels. And sometimes, even with all that prep, the chute doesn't open and you die. In this case, the death can be of the relationship. I don't think it's exclusively on the submissive side of the relationship. If there is a sense of emotional connection with partner, call it love, there is always some doubt. Love is a rare and delicate emotion. Acting upon the ability you inherently have as the Dominant in the relationship to include others risks that emotion, or the potential of that emotion, when you put it to this test for the first time. Many have said the words, its a special relationship, made up of special people, that comes through the first experience stronger for having it and without any doubt. I think anyone contemplating such a relationship, even as a one-time experience needs to consider potential consequences. It's REAL important to talk a lot about it honestly and in detail soon after that first experience. On the other side the experience it can be akin to the adrenaline rush of parachute jumping. I happen to feel it's a relationship confidence builder. It takes confidence going in, and going out it's a reference of confidence "proof" that you can always draw upon. It's also a "pride" issue. Turn the "green eyed" issue around and be proud that Master/Mistress is desired. Or conversely, that the slave you own is desired by others. Another key is that the owner must never lose sight of the fact that he/she has total responsibility for the other person on a physical and emotional level. Having the ability to allow others to use your slave doesn't mean you have to do so. I've said no, many more times than I've said yes to the opportunity on either side of the experience. If you have a Ferrari sitting in your driveway, you don't through the keys to everyone who asks. If you have a Ferrari, you don't need to borrow someone else's VW Bug. (Gas prices not withstanding.) Appreciate your comments regarding beth's post. When are you and your's visiting the left coast?

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