Play with others (Full Version)

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Contesa -> Play with others (12/28/2010 12:18:10 PM)

I was recently asked a question by a very close friend and unfortunately was unable to provide an answer because I didn't want to get involved in their relationship.

I would however like to ask the question here and see others opinions.

What do you do when your Sir/Master wants to play with everyone else, but you. You go to clubs/parties and he plays with other people and leaves you sitting there. Then he begins having intimate conversations on line with the people he's played with.  There is also no play going on at home. 

Is this a clear message that he's sending.





sexyred1 -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 12:40:43 PM)

This is a joke question, right?



Contesa -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 12:49:33 PM)

I wish it was. 



Missokyst -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 12:52:22 PM)

Umm.. he is playing and initiating contact with others for play and not playing with his current submissive at parties or a home... he is not into her. Looking for change, looking for passion, looking to hook up, and keep a helpmate at home for labor. Maybe he is hoping she hooks up with someone at a party so he can pawn her off..
Doesn't sound good to me.



sexyred1 -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 12:54:32 PM)

To answer seriously (I thought the answer was obvious by what you wrote), he is not into her from a playing/intimacy standpoint.

Are they married? How long together? Lots of missing info to provide any more of a blunt answer than he is just not that into her for those activities.



mbes -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 1:35:39 PM)

Looks like a clear message to me.
Has she talked to him?



subsfaith -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 1:41:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Contesa

Is this a clear message that he's sending?



I'm not big on subliminal messages, or mind-reading, or making assumptions.  I find that usually I am way off base so I don't generally do it.

In this situation, if I were the woman at home, I would be looking at how I can change my behaviour in order to affect change.  Is there something that I am doing that makes me unattractive?  Do I have poor personal hygiene, I am acting more like his mother than his lover, am I being passive aggressive, am I exerting control or disrespecting him in some way, etc?  I can't change him, or anyone else, I can only change myself.

It is all very easy to judge the actions of others and take no personal responsibility... but it is very foolish.  If you look at this situation with a very logical viewpoint, there are two people in the main relationship, they are interacting and feeding off each other.  They will inspire both wanted and unwanted behaviour. 



DarkSteven -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 5:25:45 PM)

Depends on how much she can push back her feelings.  Ideal is for her to sit him down and say that she feels that she hasn't been very attractive to him lately. Is there something she could do to change that?  That approach might be able to salvage the relationship if he simply hasn't realized what he's been doing and still cares.

Asking him what he's up to might resolve things but he might resent her taking the lead.

Or she could just leave.



DesFIP -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 6:02:52 PM)

He's just not that into her. But he doesn't want to be the bad guy and end it so he's being deliberately hurtful to drive her out.



lizi -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 6:07:57 PM)

Yes, it's a clear message. He's saying she's not something he wants to spend time on or invest himself in. Only they know whether the problem is fixable or not. It's common to lose interest in your partner when there are rifts between the two of you, it doesn't necessarily mean the disinterest is permanent...it can be repaired with genuine effort on both sides. Unless of course one or both have reached a deal breaker type of situation. Like I said, only they know where things are...



littlewonder -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 6:37:08 PM)

It wouldn't happen..period.

Sure he might play with others but if he continually ignored me for everyone else I'd be gone in a heartbeat. Why the hell would I stick around for absolutely no reason whatsoever??

I can't figure out why you're still hanging around.




LPslittleclip -> RE: Play with others (12/28/2010 8:05:30 PM)

unless it was a punishment for a transgression a serious talk would be needed to discuss the relationship as it seems to be a relationship gone sour



myotherself -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 2:52:54 AM)

I'm with clip here - definitely a talk is in order.

If he doesn't realise that what he is doing is hurtful and destructive, then he needs to know.

If he knows that what he is doing is hurtful and destructive but doesn't care, then she needs to know.



Phoenixpower -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 3:21:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's just not that into her. But he doesn't want to be the bad guy and end it so he's being deliberately hurtful to drive her out.


what she said.

I would refrain from trying to change my behaviour to play with him as suggested previously as I have the strong view to like me as I am or not. If he avoids that much playing with her as you say, then IMO it would be too much necessary to change to turn that wheel around and not an healthy option anymore to keep this relationship alive.



BbcSlutKc -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 7:06:03 AM)

if a poly relationship was not agreed on i would most certainly talk with him and if no change happened i would be gone very quick. y not go and find someone who wants the same things as u? y stay unhappy when being happy is an option?



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 7:15:21 AM)

I would have a long talk with him. Be respectful but honest about what you are feeling and why. Also be honest about what you NEED from him, not what you want but what you NEED. He may not even realize what he is doing bothers you.

If it's just play perhaps something could be altered. Perhaps he has realized he is into something you are not.

Perhaps its just the "new" factor and IMO playing with others doesn't mean he is looking for a relationship with others nor does playing with others mean that someone is poly IMO.



AquaticSub -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 7:17:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Contesa

I was recently asked a question by a very close friend and unfortunately was unable to provide an answer because I didn't want to get involved in their relationship.



Good policy. My advice: Buy her a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" and let her make her own decision. Also, I suggest being ready with ice cream. Regardless of if they split or stay together, I see crying and girl time on the horizon.

Best of luck to her.



DesFIP -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 4:57:09 PM)

More importantly than our opinion is to ask her if she's happy. And ask her if she's willing to still be in the same place in ten years? Or two years? Or six months? Help her come to a recognition that the only way her situation will change is if she changes it. Which may be her playing with others at parties and in private, like he does. Or telling him this isn't working for her and she isn't willing to tolerate it any longer. Or just packing up and moving out, and  moving on.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 5:57:05 PM)

Fortunatly my partner wouldn't do that, and I never have to worry about that baring some strange personality change, or alien abduction and replacement un beknownst to me.

But if it  did happen, and it bothered me,  I'd be having a heart to heart talk with him and seeing if we can get any resolution and if not, I'd be leaving him.



January -> RE: Play with others (12/29/2010 6:49:05 PM)

quote:

I was recently asked a question by a very close friend and unfortunately was unable to provide an answer because I didn't want to get involved in their relationship.


I don't get your attitude. If she is actually your close friend, you can't hide behind "not wanting to get involved" when she asks for advice. You give it as tactfully as possible.

First you neglect to answer her question, and then, despite the obvious answer, post it to a bunch of strangers. I'm thinking maybe you aren't her friend at all. I'm thinking you are one of her Sir's playmates/online companions, and would like to rub it in your "friend's" face.

January



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