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RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 3:44:25 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
IMO, she's pretty much on target.

If only she would have been more brief...

I haven't read her post for reason of length, but from what DIS quoted, I conclude that she was not entirely on target.


< Message edited by Rule -- 12/30/2010 3:48:50 PM >

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 3:46:44 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075
At the risk of being even more confrontational, SlaveRMNeeded - Who the fuck are you?


Don't ask for criticism if you don't actually want it.  IMO, she's pretty much on target.



What part of SlaveRMNeeded's post was on target in your opinion?

Do you seriously agree that because someone uses "I"statements that they are unsubmissive yet alone dominant?

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:07:44 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Well, didn't this get lovely?

I didn't read the profile originally.  Personally, unless I know the person, there's no way for Me to do a decent job of it, save for getting to have an idea of who they are from the boards.  I don't tend to think that people should post the profile on the boards, but now that it's here.......

Not all of those points are ones that I would disagree with.  Being specific that someone is only interested in a certain age, etc isn't a terrible thing.  Saying that you're not interested in those who aren't local isn't all that unusual, either.  A preference for a local person emphasizes that.  I don't see anything wrong with mentioning that you are not interested in pros. 

As for the list of kinks, interests, etc, etc, those are darn near always better in your lists of interests, rather than the text of your profile.  Most folks looking for something more than play know that those discussions will come, but don't necessarily want them shoved in their face.  While I do think that people should use their text area to say something about themselves, yours is rather focused on all about what you want and never mentions what you would be bringing to a dynamic. 

I'm sincerely going to wish you best of luck with the 'sit back and wait' approach for people to contact you.  Unless someone has a great pic, is looking for exactly the same things, and is exceptionally appealing, it just doesn't work that way.  It is the very rare submissive man who sits back and fields emails.  We have a few here, but they are hot, intelligent, funny, and have great personalities.  Aside from that small percentage, males just aren't in the position to expect women to be the ones searching profiles.  That's not even the way it works on vanilla sites, much less kinky sites where men way outnumber women. 

Even if you were that rare submissive that gets women reading their profile (not those who have done it lately at your request) it's not one that is going to appeal to what you say you are looking for.  In fact, it's probably shooting you in the foot, along with the comment made here on this thread.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:12:11 PM   
ANewMe30075


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		Actually I've now learned to count "I" in a profile. That would be a cool tool for the site. An "I" counter.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:21:26 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
Do you seriously agree that because someone uses "I"statements that they are unsubmissive yet alone dominant?


No, but I would generally recommend working hard to avoid a "me, me, me" vibe when you're targeting a femdom demographic.  We tend to be overly sensitized to it.     There were other comments which I did agree were fairly relevant, but my interest in this topic does not extend to quoting specifics from a post of that length.


_____________________________

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(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:28:08 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi NewMe,

I looked at your profile, and was a bit confused by your statement that you are only interested in RL, so don't e-mail or chat. At the same time, you say want a long term relationship. How in the world are you ever going to get to know somebody if you aren't willing to communicate by some virtual manner, at least initially? Few women are going to come fix your perv urge before they know you. Lower your force field, guy!

You might be "open" to sexual experimentation, but when it comes to the hows and whys of starting a new relationship (the stuff that makes long-term work), you are very rigid and demanding. It's not a buyer's market. Turn up your empathy and respect dials a few orders of magnitude.

Your petulance and hostility toward some of the posters is also not too impressive. The woman you call a bitch may be the very woman you would die to serve.


January


_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:39:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075

At the risk of being even more confrontational, SlaveRMNeeded - Who the fuck are you? You arrogant bitch. Why don't you go read you own profile? Do your own "I" count? Why don't you go find a job and support yourself.


I don't agree with all of the things that SlaveRMNeeded wrote.  But that's no excuse to write to her in that fashion.  Have you no manners?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:44:57 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075

At the risk of being even more confrontational, SlaveRMNeeded - Who the fuck are you? You arrogant bitch. Why don't you go read you own profile? Do your own "I" count? Why don't you go find a job and support yourself.


I don't agree with all of the things that SlaveRMNeeded wrote.  But that's no excuse to write to her in that fashion.  Have you no manners?




DS, IMO good manners and courteious behavior go both ways and although it does not excuse his over reaction and attack she did attack him. She did attack him personally not just his profile but HIM as a submissive and a man.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:47:08 PM   
ANewMe30075


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		Actually LP and everyone else, I'm not sitting back and waiting. If that's your atitude, I'm afraid you are going to have a lonely life. If I see a profile that seems interesting, and to be completely honest, I've only found 3, possibly 4 that interested me & that we might have some comparable interests, I go for it. After I contacted them, BTW my profile was in a completely different format then & wrote a very acceptable letter of introduction, I heard back from 1, upon meeting she turned out to be a pro, and didnt really admit it until I asked her directly based on the give and take of the discussion, somewhere in the middle of it, once I heard that it was over, I thanked her for her time, explained its not my dynamic and excused myself and left. After those 4 events, I was bombarded with emails by 20/30 something's both female/male. I actually responded back to everyone of them, telling so "no interest". I may be many things but I am polite. Some didnt seem to want to take no for as answer. Does that sound familar? So time to bring out the big guns. Put it right up front, where it could not be missed. And it worked, and seemingly pissed off every person on the site. As for my supposed arrogance? I only expect out of others what I expect out of me.

What really surprised me was the absolute negative reaction to my "Red" header and the "Got It" phrase. I guess its like waving red tablecloth to a bull? What made it all the more interesting, is that I went and looked at many of the profiles that posted comments, if not at all of them. That exercise reminded me of a proverb by Chaucer "Those who are vulnerable should not attack others". Fonts & colors and emoticons all over the place impliying the same thing.

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:49:36 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Three ' I' statements in a row, from a submissive? Not good. And, the whole tone, besides the dreadful over-use of 'I', indicates how you want to be served, not what you can do for those who wish to be served. It's not wrong to want things, but, if you are submissive, it should show in your attitude. But, we are all supposed to orient ourselves to your way of thinking and know that what is "the usual limits" for you is now law? There are no usual limits, and we should not have to beg to know what yours are - if they are important to you, affect your choice of who to serve, that is important information to give on a profile!


I have at least 16 "I" references on my profile. Ummm... how else are you going to get to know someone if they dont tell you about themselves?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
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Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SlaveRMneeded)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 4:53:52 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
DS, IMO good manners and courteious behavior go both ways and although it does not excuse his over reaction and attack she did attack him. She did attack him personally not just his profile but HIM as a submissive and a man.

I agree, but I also agree with DS. Again, his response is characteristic of his submissive nature. However, he would be wise to step aside when attacked and let it slide past him, as a martial artist will do, and use the momentum of the attacker against herself. A polite response to the attack would have earned him a win. Because he confronted her instead, it got him a loss.

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:06:12 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075
I heard back from 1, upon meeting she turned out to be a pro, and didnt really admit it until I asked her directly based on the give and take of the discussion, somewhere in the middle of it, once I heard that it was over, I thanked her for her time, explained its not my dynamic and excused myself and left.

That may have been a lost opportunity. You might instead have said: "It's not my dynamic, but I would like to meet you again." Why slam the door in your own face? Besides, men are supposed to provide for their partners. When a domme does accept you, you had better be prepared to dish up your earnings.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075
As for my supposed arrogance? I only expect out of others what I expect out of me.

That is where you err. You might expect out of another submissive what you expect out of you, but expecting the same from a non-submissive is like a mountain requiring a lake to be solid. I.e.: an impossible and unreasonable expectation.

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:18:13 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I do not find anything confrontational with your profile more than normal, but I would presume that if you were female, you would get a totally different response and people would be more understanding on why you wrote as you did.  My suggestion is that you try other venues than here ... maybe concentrating on forming friendships first, rather than for a more intimate relationship.

I would be wary for yourself though, being so open about the reason why you do not have a image of yourself up.

I think the only thing you can be accused of is being realistic...  Pity you aren't in the UK or Europe!
As for your response to 'slavermneeded' - whilst probably a bit harsh, again... I find understandable.  But you are working against stereotypes here unfortunately... and sometimes it's just better to not allow such ignorance as hers the power it tries to work.

And the artwork is fab

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:26:41 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

That is where you err. You might expect out of another submissive what you expect out of you, but expecting the same from a non-submissive is like a mountain requiring a lake to be solid. I.e.: an impossible and unreasonable expectation.




I don't thinking expecting certain things from people regardless of the side of the kneel they are is unreasonable. Infact there are things I expect from ANYONE I deal with on a personal level. BTW.. I dont find arragonce in a dom attractive either!




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(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:41:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075

Actually LP and everyone else, I'm not sitting back and waiting. If that's your atitude, I'm afraid you are going to have a lonely life. If I see a profile that seems interesting, and to be completely honest, I've only found 3, possibly 4 that interested me & that we might have some comparable interests, I go for it. After I contacted them, BTW my profile was in a completely different format then & wrote a very acceptable letter of introduction, I heard back from 1, upon meeting she turned out to be a pro, and didnt really admit it until I asked her directly based on the give and take of the discussion, somewhere in the middle of it, once I heard that it was over, I thanked her for her time, explained its not my dynamic and excused myself and left. After those 4 events, I was bombarded with emails by 20/30 something's both female/male. I actually responded back to everyone of them, telling so "no interest". I may be many things but I am polite. Some didnt seem to want to take no for as answer. Does that sound familar? So time to bring out the big guns. Put it right up front, where it could not be missed. And it worked, and seemingly pissed off every person on the site. As for my supposed arrogance? I only expect out of others what I expect out of me.

Actually, most Dominant women can sit back and let interest come in.  That's how I've acquired play partners since I've been here and I used to do it in your area, too.  You can choose to believe that or not if you'd like.  You can also disregard the information that I'm trying to give you about the imbalance of how first contacts tend to work as well.  There are some good links through the research that OKCupid has done that have been posted on various threads here.  Take it from an independent source.

You asked for opinions on your profile and you got them.  If you don't want to take the suggestions given to you, don't.  People told you what they found unattractive about the profile.  The choice is completely yours.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:42:26 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Suddenly it is all about you?

It is not his arrogance that is his problem, but how he applies it. I have shown him how he can apply it and win - self-assuredly - instead of applying it as he does and lose.

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 5:46:51 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

Suddenly it is all about you?

It is not his arrogance that is his problem, but how he applies it. I have shown him how he can apply it and win - self-assuredly - instead of applying it as he does and lose.


No, its not all about me. (i used myself as a specific example) My point was that we all have expectations of people regardless of what side of the kneel they are on, or if they are in the lifestyle or not.

_____________________________


(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 6:09:18 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe so. Another truth is that many people come with a guide book on how to best interact with them and how to apply their abilities. The problem is that lots of people cannot find nor read those guide books, whether it is their own or that attached to someone else.

His personality is like a tool or a weapon: it can be used appropriately, but it also can be used inappropriately. If he is lucky, a domme that can read his guide book and make use of his talents appropriately will find him. Meanwhile, he has the posts of the people in this thread to ponder and perhaps learn something from them.

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 7:04:38 PM   
ANewMe30075


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline
quote:

That may have been a lost opportunity. You might instead have said: "It's not my dynamic, but I would like to meet you again." Why slam the door in your own face? Besides, men are supposed to provide for their partners. When a domme does accept you, you had better be prepared to dish up your earnings.


Kinda stumped on this one.

Why would I tell some, "I'd like to meet you again", when I have no desire to?
"Besides, men are supposed to provide for their partners", I'd never mention that one amoung my vanilla female friends. That's the last thing they would ever want to hear.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Comments, please - 12/30/2010 7:08:40 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ANewMe30075
Kinda stumped on this one.

Why would I tell some, "I'd like to meet you again", when I have no desire to?

Indeed, you should not.

(in reply to ANewMe30075)
Profile   Post #: 60
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