advise needed

advise needed (Full Version)

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Gman25 -> advise needed (12/29/2010 6:58:24 PM)
Hello to eveybody, I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together.

SorceressJ -> RE: advise needed (12/29/2010 7:05:14 PM)
You must learn the art of patience, grasshopper. If this is something you would like to last, or even if you'd just rather not cause her to run screaming, I recommend you give it some time. Then, be subtle. Leave a couple of books on the subject just laying around on your coffee table, or casually admire a scene in a movie where some bondage may be taking place. Be good to her, do NOT force the subject or make it seem like all depends on it, gauge her reactions to these stimuli, and then, you will know how to proceed. The best of luck to you. [:)]

kdsusa7894 -> RE: advise needed (12/29/2010 7:10:20 PM)
My first question would be how recently? Are you intimate with her? Very hard to answer this with limited information on her and your relationship with her, does she trust you, do you trust her? And from your profile you like it alot, lol. Are you content with NOT telling her and staying the way it is for now?

Prinsexx -> RE: advise needed (12/29/2010 7:15:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gman25 Hello to eveybody, I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together. Maybe let her know you are on collarme???? Welcome.

DesFIP -> RE: advise needed (12/30/2010 7:41:10 AM)
If you don't tell her and you don't have your needs met, do you really think the relationship will last anyway?

SthrnCom4t -> RE: advise needed (12/30/2010 9:52:36 AM)
I'm all for discussing power exchange at a first date. Neither of us are very invested yet, so this is the time with the least amount to lose. DesFIP is completely on point! "If you don't tell her and you don't have your needs met, do you really think the relationship will last anyway?" Really, the more you're invested, the more you have to lose, the harder the conversation is to have. Throw all the cards on the table in a healthy, non-threatening, positive way and see what happens. If it doesn't resonate with her, it saved you both time. If she embraces it, you just accelerated the process of connecting. If she's neutral, but open, then you can share books, websites, introduce her to others in the lifestyle, and see what happens. If it's not her thing but she's open-minded enough to explore, she gets bonus points in my book.

LadyConstanze -> RE: advise needed (12/30/2010 10:27:15 AM)
Well, if she never had anything to do with it, don't overwhelm her, small steps and if she's curious take it from there, if not disengage politely and with the minimum amount of hurt, let's say if things should go terribly wrong and it's not her thing, you don't know her all that well, you don't really want to give her ammunition to spread nasty gossip. Just as a thought...

81song -> RE: advise needed (12/30/2010 11:24:25 AM)
Ah yes the P word, patience. would say be right up front and at the right time tell her as soon as possible. Many outside the D/s world have some far out ideas what it is or not is. So I would be patience about it.

LegsKnees -> RE: advise needed (12/31/2010 12:21:56 AM)
Don't tell her... show her. Earn her trust and slowly start bringing some new things to the bedroom. Start with a light spank... eventually move on to blindfolds and soft handcuffs as she will allow. Pretend like you are curious and ask if she will explore light bondage WITH you... that way it makes it seem unconfrontational and something you are exploring together, rather than forcing on her.

AquaticSub -> RE: advise needed (12/31/2010 12:28:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gman25 Hello to eveybody, I recently met a girl that very much like and things are going well, i would like to share my interests of the world of bondage and domination with her. I really like her and dont know how she will react, should i take my chances and tell her or keep quiet and enjoy our time together. Unlike many, I am not going to suggest patience. In fact I am going to suggest go ahead and start bringing it up now. The reason I suggest this is because I don't believe in letting a relationship get too far before you start to bring these things up. There are people who are completely repulsed by this and if you let things get too far, you may get a situation where someone tries to force themselves to like something despite themselves or someone tries to make themselves live without the things they crave in a relationship. So, what I really suggest is to start casually bringing it up and see how she responds. You don't have to say it's something you are into, you can bring it up as a joke. I also suggest you try to determine just how important this all is to you. The more important it is, the sooner you should find out - IMHO.

sunshinemiss -> RE: advise needed (12/31/2010 1:35:30 AM)
I don't think it has to be a big whoopdee doo. You just bring up a topic in a light hearted manner and see how she responds.

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: advise needed (12/31/2010 2:03:42 AM)
When you are ready for an either/or outcome (you know, the ultimatum), show her this post, and see how she responds. Until than, I would say, enjoy your relationship, be honest when expressing yourself, and answer her questions about who you are honestly. Good luck, M

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