So Confused

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paintedshadows -> So Confused (12/30/2010 7:28:46 PM)
I wasn't sure where to post a problem like this, so I hope this is the right area. I know barely anything and it's making it difficult, the person who agreed to mentor me keeps trying to tell me that I have to be comfortable in my own skin that a Dominant wouldn't take me on sight unseen. I understand that, but does being seen require you to be nude for the photos. I'm really struggling to understand this mainly because I've been burned a few times on here and I don't wish to do so again. So I guess the main question is, do you really have to throw around photos of yourself to be accepted as who you are, or can an everyday photo suffice as being seen?

jessicaTS -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 7:31:37 PM)
i think if someone you've never met asks you for nude photos, move on!!

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 7:37:10 PM)
Everyday photo is fine for someone who isn't an asshole pic collector. Which is what this guy sounds like. Tell him that you're perfectly comfortable in your own skin. Then tell him that your job, working with the public (most jobs work with the public) and being that you have co-workers you don't wish to have naked pictures of yourself floating through the internet that they might come across. If he has a problem with it, then the problem is him. Not you. A lot of "mentors" take advantage of new subs because of their inexperience and not knowing that it's okay to say no. He'll probably tell you that you're a fake, full of shit, not a real sub and all sorts of BS like that. Don't listen to him. Stick to your guns. Listen to your instincts and you'll be okay.

sexyred1 -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 7:41:55 PM)
OP, never do a damn thing your instinct tells you not to do. NO ONE needs to see a nude photo of you. A regular photo will suffice. Don't listen to anyone but yourself.

Rule -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 7:50:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows So I guess the main question is, do you really have to throw around photos of yourself to be accepted as who you are, or can an everyday photo suffice as being seen? Do you see any photograph of me? If I were to ever post my photograph, everybody would immediately identify me as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Simply tell him that it is a hard limit.

Killerangel -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 8:03:41 PM)
Two things...you do not give out any nude pictures to anyone you don't feel like giving them too. This might be never, that's fine. This idiot shouldn't be asking you for them but it's broadcasting his douchiness loud and clear, dump the moron. You don't need the 'help'. Secondly, why do you need mentoring? As YBS mentioned it's a common ploy that is used to take advantage of subs/slaves and it's really a useless thing anyway. If you want a Dom then go find one. He's going to love it that you're new and want to show the ropes himself. Toss this fool and anyone who acts like him out on his ass. Use common sense to show you the way. Don't do anything you wouldn't do in a vanilla situation. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. Take your time, go slowly - there's no reason to rush and you make more mistakes that way. Just think things through and definitely don't waste time in situations that make you uncomfortable. You're not out here to win prizes, you're doing something you're supposed to like - so do it in a way that gives you pleasure, not second thoughts.

lizi -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 8:18:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows I wasn't sure where to post a problem like this, so I hope this is the right area. I know barely anything and it's making it difficult, the person who agreed to mentor me keeps trying to tell me that I have to be comfortable in my own skin that a Dominant wouldn't take me on sight unseen. I understand that, but does being seen require you to be nude for the photos. I'm really struggling to understand this mainly because I've been burned a few times on here and I don't wish to do so again. So I guess the main question is, do you really have to throw around photos of yourself to be accepted as who you are, or can an everyday photo suffice as being seen? Lots of good advice for you so far, basically this guy is playing you. The above quote I highlighted in red especially cracks me up. A Dominant won't take you on sight unseen...? Seriously? That's the biggest crock of sh*t I've heard in a long time. OP, you've been on here since Aug, you've had the overfull mailbox, you know that plenty of Doms are not only willing to take you on sight unseen they'd love to have the opportunity. You are the minority here, you get to choose, you don't need to meet anyone's standards - you'll do just fine as you are. Just use common sense. As YoungBlondeSlave mentioned you'll probably get called a fake or be told you aren't a true sub, who cares. That happens when some guy doesn't get what he wants, it doesn't mean a thing.

paintedshadows -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 8:18:48 PM)
Thanks everyone, I really needed some input on that one. I wasn't sure if I was just being stupid or if I was doing the right thing. It's pretty obvious I wasn't just being stupid about it. I really should know better by now honestly, but everyone has a different view and it always throws me for a loop each time. Rule- I must say your comment about being the Flying Spaghetti Monster made me giggle, kind of makes me want to have a silly photo for such occasions :) YoungBlondeSlave- I've been called that numerous times, I'm so used to it I expect it anymore, I can also pick out the ones who are going to call me that. Sad isn't it?

DarkSteven -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 8:24:08 PM)
Get a new mentor. The one you have is playing you, and not even that well. I want to see two pics of a prospective woman - a face shot and a full body shot. The full body shot can be clothed. I can see how she looks then. With that said, you look like a horse. Take new pics. [8D]

lizi -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 8:27:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows Thanks everyone, I really needed some input on that one. I wasn't sure if I was just being stupid or if I was doing the right thing. It's pretty obvious I wasn't just being stupid about it. I really should know better by now honestly, but everyone has a different view and it always throws me for a loop each time. Rule- I must say your comment about being the Flying Spaghetti Monster made me giggle, kind of makes me want to have a silly photo for such occasions :) You're right about everyone having a different view and that always threw me when I first started out too. You know what...? What's your view? Take some time to figure it out, it'll give you something to stand on when you get pressured. I read a lot here in the forums, books, talked to people, just tried to gather information about the subject in general and along the way i formulated what MY outlook on D/s was. Then I wasn't as susceptible to outside pressure. You are a commodity. The guys are going to be trying to get you, they'll push. It's ok to slow them down to your pace. There is no one way to do things, you are certainly entitled to progress at the pace you are comfortable with. Anyone who doesn't listen to how you want to do things isn't a good match for you so don't feel badly about enforcing what your boundaries are.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 9:13:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows YoungBlondeSlave- I've been called that numerous times, I'm so used to it I expect it anymore, I can also pick out the ones who are going to call me that. Sad isn't it? Sadly, we all have. The fun is thinking up something witty and insulting at the same time in return. Many will say to block, then delete. Which is good, i do that too but, sometimes it's fun to just have that one last zinger and then do the block/delete. When i've found mentors, i was never looking. It was just we started talking and connecting. i would ask questions, he would answer. Sometimes, we'd go to fetish events together. If you are interested in the public scene, go that route too. There's a new group for younger kinksters, "TNG" is in the title for basically anyone under the age of 35. That might be a good place for you to start new at too.

paintedshadows -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 9:26:17 PM)
A lot of good advice to be taken to heart here, should the guy contact me again ( because the way he brushed me off tonight after I got stubborn about the photo thing) I may have to have a " talk" with him about that. lizi- That piece of advice is definitely going to be taken. DarkSteven- Do I look like one? Oh dear I thought I'd gotten my good side :P YoungBlondeSlave- Zingers, I have long since perfected them, it is more than fun to know you got the last word in.

leadership527 -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 9:50:22 PM)
Darksteven pretty much said what I was thinking but he was a lot more generous than I was. So this guy's line of reasoning is that true subs are fine with public nudity? Man, if only I'd known that BDSM girls were that gullible back when I was 20... sighs

AquaticSub -> RE: So Confused (12/30/2010 10:10:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows So I guess the main question is, do you really have to throw around photos of yourself to be accepted as who you are, or can an everyday photo suffice as being seen? I don't even send face pictures to people unless I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY interested or there is some unique circumstance. They can meet me at a damn Starbucks. If sending nude photos was required, I wouldn't still be involved in all this.

mummyman321 -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 4:03:57 AM)
I would have to agree that a requirement of a nude photo is just not right. I can see a vanilla photo request. But not a nude photo. If it requires a nude phote for a Dom(me) to decide if she likes me, I am already moving on to the next profile. Remove the BDSM for a moment and think if you were looking to date someone. If a person asked for a nude photo of you, would you even reply to him/her? I see entering a BDSM relationship as no different than entering a vanilla one. Men should be gentlemen regardless if they are a Dom or sub and should have basic manners and chivalry.

Phoenixpower -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 4:14:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jessicaTS i think if someone you've never met asks you for nude photos, move on!! what she said [:)] Once a guy tried to blame me that I "wouldnt be obedient enough" as I didnt bother to get undressed on webcam for him (when I started here 3 years ago) and last summer a bloke with whom I had a very good email exchange over a few months started straight away, once we used webcam, to try to demand to take off my top. Well, he was getting nowhere. After all, if we would have met we might have reached such a stage at some point, but as he showed straight away to just look for wankfodder I was more than happy to move on [:)]

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 5:28:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 I would have to agree that a requirement of a nude photo is just not right. I can see a vanilla photo request. But not a nude photo. If it requires a nude phote for a Dom(me) to decide if she likes me, I am already moving on to the next profile. Remove the BDSM for a moment and think if you were looking to date someone. If a person asked for a nude photo of you, would you even reply to him/her? I see entering a BDSM relationship as no different than entering a vanilla one. Men should be gentlemen regardless if they are a Dom or sub and should have basic manners and chivalry. i can probably count those men on one hand.

SomoneReal -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 7:06:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paintedshadows I wasn't sure where to post a problem like this, so I hope this is the right area. I know barely anything and it's making it difficult, the person who agreed to mentor me keeps trying to tell me that I have to be comfortable in my own skin that a Dominant wouldn't take me on sight unseen. I understand that, but does being seen require you to be nude for the photos. I'm really struggling to understand this mainly because I've been burned a few times on here and I don't wish to do so again. So I guess the main question is, do you really have to throw around photos of yourself to be accepted as who you are, or can an everyday photo suffice as being seen? WHOEVER TOLD YOU THIS IS FULL OF SHIT !!! A few photo's proving you are real is ENOUGH. You obviously caught on to his bullshit with "having to send nude photo's". Or just get on your webcam and show that your real. This "Mentor" sounds like just another random guy jacking off on the other side of his computer screen.

paintedshadows -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 8:10:37 AM)
That seems to be the common thing, being able to count good men on one hand, makes life that much more difficult. SomeoneReal I think I figured that one out a bit too late, but then again he didn't get what he was after so he got huffy and went to bed like a spoiled child. That should have tipped me off and while it did in some degree I actually felt the need to ask advice this time, because I'm sick of getting jerked around by guys on here.

mbes -> RE: So Confused (12/31/2010 8:40:07 AM)
quote: A few photo's proving you are real is ENOUGH. How does one do this exactly? What does a photo on a computer "prove"? Good googling skills? I see this from time to time, but even if I show a picture, what proves that it is a picture of me? or that it hasn't been edited in some way? If you're going to take my word that a picture I send you is actually me, you might as well take my word that I'm "real", too. And if it gets to the point of it, I'll be happy to meet you at Starbucks.

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