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How do You learn to give, after the desire was taken out of You?


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How do You learn to give, after the desire was taken ou... - 4/30/2006 10:37:40 PM   
MistyMenthal


Posts: 413
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		Just Wondering?

How do You learn to give again after the Taste and Desire
have been taken out of You?

You meet someone who is into theBdsm
Lifestyle.

So it seemed?
You've either been Physically abused {The wrong way}
Mentally, Sexually, and Spiritually, Financially.

Most people just Bounce right back,
but sometimes the scar never seems to heal?

KISS ME, Misty
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 4/30/2006 10:43:01 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i know just what you mean and i am very interested to hear the answers to this inquiry. after spending two years devoted to one Mistress, only meeting Her once, then not having the opportunity to serve Her for real in those two years.

does one ever really get over a failure such as that...or worse?


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 4/30/2006 10:46:21 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		Maybe give yourself time to heal and become an emotionally healthy person first. Then start looking for the relationship part.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 4/30/2006 11:00:29 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		We all have disappointments and failures in our lives. I know it sounds cliche but the saying that "time heals all wounds" really does have some validity. But....and it's a big but....time alone does not work. It depends on how effectively one uses that time. It takes a LOT of introspection of self. It is easy to lay blame for our unhappiness at the feet of others, but in truth we have the responsibility for it. If we are in a situation where we are being abused....and I am not talking about a one time unexpected episode...then we need to go pretty deep inside of ourselves and figure out the reason that we allowed ourselves to be and stay in that situation to the point of being in some way damaged, whether it be emotionally or physically. My tag line says that there are no victims, only volunteers...I truly believe that no one can make a victim out of you unless you allow them to...not in the long term anyway. So in order to heal and move forward with our lives, we need to go backward and figure out the reason we volunteered. I know alot of people aren't going to understand that and say that I am victim blaming...but before anyone goes there I am not. It is too often though that we put ourselves in or stay in situations that are harmful to ourselves for a myriad of reasons...and all of them are in direct disregard of our own personal well being. What I am saying is that we have a responsibility to ourselves to figure out the reasons why we do that, why we allow that...and then take the necessary steps to make positive changes so that we will no longer place ourselves in peril.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/30/2006 11:02:36 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 4/30/2006 11:00:42 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		You cry and you cry and you cry... then cry some more if it feels right. Then you grieve it some more. Then you realize that there are only so many appointed years we have on planet Earth and you have to calculate how much time you really have to waste in wallowing in it. I went through this in November and I finally am just feeling like a new person again. It is a decision really, a decision to not stay in that dark place. One can stay in grief, or one can choose to accept that pain may never go away completely and decide they would rather live. I have had enough grief lately, I wanna live!  Hope my two cents helped with whatever your feeling blue about (I still have sad weepy moments, but they are farther part and fewer between)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Proprietrix)
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RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 12:13:51 AM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Break
the
connection.

We live in a moment in time.
Every nanosecond,another moment dies for us-it can never be retrieved-but in memory. Moments to come will be born......waiting.........but not yet

When you finally realize that the time for action is now-not ..THEN......freedom.

Live in the echoes,or open your ears to new sounds-the choice is always yours.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 4:01:56 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		You wake up one day and you realize that things have got to change.  So you choose to change them.  Set the wheels in motion, whether it be confronting the person that has made you feel this way or just getting out altogether.  If you've already done that (in whatever way it was accomplished), then you make a conscious choice to be happy, or strong or whatever it is you feel you should be as long as it is positive.  The power of of your mind is greater than you think. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 5:36:48 AM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		You allow yourself time to heal.  That has to come first.  When the tears stop, the accusations not important, and your head feels like it can once more think on its own.......then you begin once again to take baby steps.

Accept lifes lessons and then move on.

un---------

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 5:44:16 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

You wake up one day and you realize that things have got to change.  So you choose to change them.  Set the wheels in motion, whether it be confronting the person that has made you feel this way or just getting out altogether.  If you've already done that (in whatever way it was accomplished), then you make a conscious choice to be happy, or strong or whatever it is you feel you should be as long as it is positive.  The power of of your mind is greater than you think. 

Feastie, I bow my head to you on this one. Extremely well said.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:08:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh wow, ask me after May 7th.....

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:19:38 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		This may seem cheesy, but I thought of this poem after reading some of the responses... I hope it helps.
 
After A While
   ©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
 
If you have suffered a breakup of any kind, grieve it first, and take care of your own soul first before trying to find someone else to serve. If you do that, you will have something of value to offer again. You can't do that if you are broken, yanno?
 


(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:27:12 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2
i know just what you mean and i am very interested to hear the answers to this inquiry. after spending two years devoted to one Mistress, only meeting Her once, then not having the opportunity to serve Her for real in those two years.

does one ever really get over a failure such as that...or worse?


Michael how does one get in touch with you? I looked you up and your profile is gone. I would be interested in speaking with you at your earliest convenience.
 
Thank you

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:33:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistyMenthal
Most people just Bounce right back,
but sometimes the scar never seems to heal?

I gave it time.

I wasn't abused, but after last summer, my boyfriend moved across the country, my relationship with the owner was ending and my other partner went monogamous on me with someone else...I was pretty burnt out and depressed.

Mostly I just gave it time, kept going.  I was lucky to have other friends, family, and partners who made sure I didn't go into total seclusion, I picked myself up and made sure I just did the adult stuff that needs to get done.

And I gave it time.  I still went to parties- still tried to play.  And as great as the scenes were (and they were) there was a part of me still screaming inside- empty, needing, mourning.  So I stopped trying to convince myself I was ok and stopped playing.  I pulled way back on everything and just kept life easy and calm and limited.  I gave myself time.

And then I started to worry- what if it never comes back?  What if I can never go there again?  What if I'm never going to open myself again?

And I gave it more time.  One night in late October at a bonfire party, my local partner and I were together and I let myself go, just a little.  I released myself to him, a small hesitant step.  And it was great.  There was no emptiness, no hole, no need to scream or cry.  I was just there, as his.

And in the time since then, I've just kept being me.

Take time, listen to what you need. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:37:57 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		~hugggs~
 
it can be hard when things change on you... Take time, remember you are precious and special, and let yourself heal for the next adventures that are sure to follow... Life is funny, the right people won't come along until you're ready for them....
 
Lady kathryn
Athens, Ga.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 6:49:34 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is best not to expect too much in the first place which I know is easier said than done. Stay realistic about the nature of people and do not believe all the hype about honesty, integrity and trust and remain sceptical. People who demand exacting standards rarely are capable of delivering such standards themselves or at least that is my experience. If you do not delude yourself about people in the first place you are less likely to suffer at someones hands.

I lost sight of my realism once and it knocked me sideways to find the person I was involved with had no standards at all despite what she claimed. I returned to the fray with more realism and I've had a great times since, probably a much better time than if I hadn't been on the victim of her maliciousness. In fact in my experience, potential partners have responded very positively to my realism because I think it made them feel in more competent hands than someone who is foolishly romantic.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 7:37:15 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And in the time since then, I've just kept being me.


This to me is the answer.... BE YOU! 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 7:53:04 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline 		Misty,

That's a really good question, and some really good answers have been offered. I too wonder this myself from time to time. Its a hard thing to go through, revealing a part of yourself and then being misguided by someone's intentions. Its especially hard to get the desires back after they've been tainted with the displeasure of betrayal. I guess the word forgiveness would be the key word.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do You learn to give, after the desire was take... - 5/1/2006 7:59:13 AM   
rapture2778


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		take the time you need to heal...but at the same time make it an oppurtunity to grow...most importantly, be honest with yourself, and with your emotions...in time will you have your own questions answered, not because someone provided you with that answer, but because through your own healing and growing you will figure out the answers within yourself...

(in reply to NINASHARP)
Profile   Post #: 18
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