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NocturnalStalker -> RE: Where to begin.. (1/3/2011 7:53:29 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: barelynangel
I was freaking out on my ex-BF when all i was doing was moving from Chicago to TN, i could imagine the stress of moving to another country. I mean serious freak out. But then again, i don't do well with change lol. Its an adventure but its also scary to leave everything you are familiar with. And you are going to have someone picking up her life to come to YOU. That's a lot of pressure. I would chalk a lot of it up to stress of the move. I disagree with what someone said about fighting is never okay ummm NOT. Couple's fight, its a NATURAL part of a relationship. Some people do it quietly, some people do it loudly, some people are dramatic ad some people are calm, but fighing is a natural part of being a couple. If someone tells you there is never any fighting -- call them on their BS. Ask any couple that has been together for more than 25 years and they will tell you fighing does occur. However, its how you handle it that matters and that depends on the personalities of the two people involved. But it may not be benefiting either of you right now.
You two really need to sit down and have a long talk. But you both i believe will need to bring your own issues and possible solutions to the table when you do and talk about it. Stress is going to make a big play with regard to this time. Also, many couples who are going to be married tend to fight a lot right before the wedding, and this to me is more stressful because of the moving of long distances but more so someone leaving their country. Also, its right after the holidays which is a stressful time also for many people.
The thing is though, if its really that bleak, maybe you should put your plans on hold -- as she was transfered she may not have a choice but to still make the move. Its hard when you are miles apart, and frustrating, you both have things that may scare you about this committment you are each making. In the end, only you two can really figure out if this is all worth it to each other. In the end, it could simply be the move and the stress of same or it could be bringing some issues you two have buried and now that push has come to shove -- its coming out into the open.
I agree with what someone said here -- communication, communication, communication -- HONEST and OPEN communication is needed. You have 17 days to really determine if this is what you both feel is best for you -- i.e., the move.
Good luck, but sometimes also, just remember -- when you take a leap of faith you end up flying instead of plummiting down. I hope it works out as you both wish it too.
angel
I am presuming when you say she got a transfer it means work wise? She has been transfered through her company?
The thing is no one here knows how you two really got to this situation -- i.e., why this date are you moving together,
You're right, couples do fight. As stated in the original post, though, couples don't say hurtful and personal attacks to one another. Fighting over what restaurant to go to, who takes the dog out, etc. The point is, while couples do fight they do it while still actually being affectionate and fond of one another. If I had a girlfriend that was long-distant and began spouting abusive and hateful things to me with the intention of hurting my emotions and only having seen them less than a handful of times? She'd have no chance of ever being together with me at all. In this situation, both parties have sniped one another and then I ask you...what's the point?
People do not just stay together for decades on end because every week is a new warzone to traverse through and they're on opposite ends. They remain together because they do not let their problems escalate to the point of venom being spewed.
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