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SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 3:20:04 AM   
thedavezone


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline 		I'd like to know why slaves are slaves - what's the mindset?  What made you want to BE a slave?  Do you do things you hate for your owner - and why?

What's it like?

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this and I can't.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 3:33:37 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		this is something that I'm currently struggling with - so very timely post!

I've never described myself as a 'slave' - always 'a bit sub' with the emphasis on 'masochist'.

Until I met a guy recently. I have no idea why I suddenly feel soooo submissive. Well, it goes beyond submission, and definitely heading towards the slave end of the spectrum.

To be honest, it freaked me out a bit. I've never felt like this - like I want to do anything in my power to make him happy. I want to feel his approval, and to know that I will endure anything he wants to give me (within our mutually discussed and agreed hard limits) to make him happy.

We did discuss how I feel, and he just laughed and said he'd describe me as 'sub heading for slave', and that it was a good thing for us. So I'm just going with the flow, enjoying the positive feelings I'm getting from this, and seeing where it takes us from here.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to thedavezone)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 3:43:28 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Really good question, and i don't have any sort of actual answer. =p i've been trying to understand it lately, and i wonder sometimes if there are things we just don't FULLY understand, it's just "how it is."
i can say "why do i like the color blue?" and well... i think it's pretty, but whyyyyy do i think it's pretty. =p

In my last relationship, i did things i didn't like but did them because 1) he asked me to, and 2) they made him happy. that was more important to me than my own feeling of not liking it. =p
i'm not really sure where that comes from.

(in reply to myotherself)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 8:08:20 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Might as well ask "what makes you a slave to him, but not to the next guy?"



_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 11:47:40 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I can try to sum it up for Carol.

Carol dislikes leading. She dislikes especially choosing when it comes down to her desires or mine. She much prefers to follow. In her mind, if I tell her what would make me happy, then she doesn't have to guess (and sometimes be wrong). What made Carol want to be a slave is that I wanted a slave. What makes her generally submissive is that the priority scale she uses to judge things in her brain places higher emphasis on things like "being pleasing" than it does on "being pleased".

Carol does things she hates regularly. She doesn't do them "for me". She does them "for us". She does them because it's a part of being grown-up... you know... doing things we don't want to. Whether I commanded her or she commands herself, someone is going to be telling her to do things she doesn't want to. She figures I'm at least as likely to get it right as she is.

For us, it's really not that complicated. Get rid of the words master and slave. Just see Carol as a born follower and me as a born leader. Now imagine that we love and trust each other a great deal. The picture just kind of falls into place from there... it isn't kinky, mysterious, or even very unusual.

~Jeff

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to thedavezone)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 1:14:59 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I love to serve.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment and doing things that make other people happy is pleasing to me.  Pleasing master is more important than my own desires, so I have done and would continue to do things that are not inherently pleasing to me, as long as they are pleasing to him.  I hate some of the implements he uses on me and some of the activities I have engaged in, but on the whole I find doing those things satisfying, because they are in his service.  While I may not enjoy each and every thing that we do, I enjoy being his and serving, which makes me willing to do things I would not engage in on my own.

That said, I think it is important to keep in mind that there are limits.  Most important is that the slave and master are compatible in such things.  I would not do something that I thought was out and out wrong, because being a slave is not the same thing as being an automaton, but I also know that he wouldn't ask me to.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 1:45:15 PM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline 		This thread just goes to show how many different ways each bit of terminology can be defined.  I'm a slave because I'm not a naturally submissive person, it's not because I'm extra submissive.  I'm a slave because I do want to submit to Alpha, but have a pretty dominant personality, so I have given him consent to force submission when necessary.  I am a slave because, for lack of a better explanation, I needed to have all my rights taken away.  I own no property, keep none of the money I earn, and have been told in no uncertain terms that I am never allowed to end the relationship, and that he'll come get me and bring me back if I ever try.  And I like it that way - being his property makes me feel safe and loved.

Yes, I sometimes have to do things I don't want to do, and even hate doing.  Pleasing him makes me happy, but there are times when I don't want to do something and don't really care how much it would please him to do it.  But I do it anyway, because I have no choice.  I am not always submissive to him, but I almost always do what he asks and rarely earn myself a punishment.

What is it like?  A lot like ordinary life most of the time.  Though I am always a slave, it doesn't actually "come up" all that often.  I have my routine of service that I follow every day, and it's so normal for us that I don't often stop to think about wiitid.  Alpha and I have similar preferences and goals, so he doesn't usually even need to impose his will on me, because his will and mine are the same.  When it happens, it feels very normal.  Safe and comfortable.  A slave is just what I am.

_____________________________

Property of rubbrdsir

Collared Fox and
Future Thru-Hiker!

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 3:13:17 PM   
BbcSlutKc


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I never wanted to be a slave till I met my Owner/Master. Just something about him makes me want to do everything in my power to please him and make him happy. I want to be the one that makes him smile everyday. Some r born slaves some r turned into slaves. Just my opinion and my mindset.

(in reply to MaxsGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 5:43:18 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i did not know i wanted to be a slave until my Mistress explained it to me then it just made perfect sense to me. i enjoy serving Her and as i am a masso and She is a sadist it is a well matched bonding. it is for me a great relief to be able to just serve as i am a army nurse responsible for all the soldiers in the unit when deployed. my wife even recommends that i go and see my Mistress to help me focus and relax.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to BbcSlutKc)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/3/2011 8:05:24 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		"I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy."

~ Rabindranath Tagore


_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/4/2011 6:22:48 PM   
tonkababy


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/19/2010
Status: offline 		It is a mindset for sure!!!

I am so struggling with this. I am submissive. I am trying to become a slave but not for everyone. I would not say I am a slave normally. But for this master I would be anything. I am willing to put myself out there and try to be what he wants. Because making him happy makes me very happy.

That being said I still struggle with the fact I am loud and outspoken and can be my own worse enemy!!! There are tons of struggles along this path but the rewards can make it all worth while.

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/5/2011 7:01:35 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
In her mind, if I tell her what would make me happy, then she doesn't have to guess (and sometimes be wrong).
~Jeff


This has a lot to do with it, for me. I hate, loathe and abhor being wrong. And I've heard that s-types are good at reading people, intuitive, all that good stuff. Yeah. Um. I'm not. TELL me what you want and I'll do it to the best of my ability. Leave me to guess, and I end up paralyzed by fear of getting it wrong. So, it's much easier and more pleasant when he just opens his mouth and says "do this". That, I can work with.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/5/2011 2:20:29 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
In her mind, if I tell her what would make me happy, then she doesn't have to guess (and sometimes be wrong).
~Jeff


This has a lot to do with it, for me. I hate, loathe and abhor being wrong. And I've heard that s-types are good at reading people, intuitive, all that good stuff. Yeah. Um. I'm not. TELL me what you want and I'll do it to the best of my ability. Leave me to guess, and I end up paralyzed by fear of getting it wrong. So, it's much easier and more pleasant when he just opens his mouth and says "do this". That, I can work with.


I don't even want to expend ANY energy on anticipating someone elses needs/wants/wishes. It's frustrating for me. No doubt this is why I've been with M for so long, as he's never expected that. If he wants something, no matter what it is he just pipes up and says so.

I'm complete rubbish at *reading* people and would be totally indecisive. It's a waste of mental energy for me. I also don't want to spend half my time asking *Do you want...Would you like .* questions.

I'm all for the simple life....Tell me what you want, when you want it and I'll nip off and sort it out.

agirl

edited to add.... Not that that's got anything to do with why I ended up owned...lol


< Message edited by agirl -- 1/5/2011 2:22:06 PM >

(in reply to mbes)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/7/2011 11:04:39 AM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		I never imagined myself as a slave till Master found me. Before him, I was submissive by nature. A people pleaser and enjoyed seeing others happy. It is only for him, however, that I am slave. It takes a very special man for me to be able to trust enough to give all power up. I'm a strange mix of intensely submissive and pleasing while also being impatient, stubborn, and incredibly excitable about my passions. I like being guided. Without guidance, I tend to make a big, impatient mess of things. His command, his guidance keeps me on the right path and gives me direction for all my energy.

His happiness is my happiness. Pleasing him fulfills me. There are very few things I don't enjoy doing for him, because simply the act of doing it FOR HIM makes me happy. I may dislike the act itself, but because it is for him, it makes it a positive experience.

I'm not sure I would call myself A slave. I am HIS slave.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/8/2011 8:25:12 AM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Very tough question. First, all slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves. i was fortunate to once being an owned slave 24/7. i got a lot of pleasure from pleasing my MASTERS.

There were many things i did that if not actually hated, i disliked doing them. But a slave, unlike a submissive, gives up the right to have a choice. The "choice" a slave makes is to be obedient and serve his MASTERS

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/8/2011 8:29:26 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Might as well ask "what makes you a slave to him, but not to the next guy?"




This. For me, it can be one person in a lifetime who makes you feel this way so there is no generic answer.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/8/2011 8:47:02 AM   
kuppykake


Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I'm on a journey trying to answer the same question.   I learn to like my dislikes...I have a good reason to- my Dom, he is my motivation.  What do I have to offer him? not much other than sexual favors, and more importantly companionship. For some reason(s) he thinks I am good enough for him. My hope is that he will show me how and why so that I can be even better than his present image of me. For now that is just my hope, but another thing I have to offer him (and myself, because this is about both of us)- the opportunity for growth- something we all desire.  Submission is a challenge, but one that I need because it feeds the desire inside me.  Anyways, why submit?  Tell me why you dominate and you'll have the answer you're looking for.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/16/2011 9:59:28 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Ignoring for a moment the undefined word "slave", I'll go with this answer...

Carol is whatever she is because that's what I want. The only "mindset" driving that is that of that of a submissive person responding to a dominant one. I exert pressure on her and she bends because that's what we both do. If, one day, I want something else, then Carol will be that.

Yes, Carol does things she dislikes... sometimes things she dislikes a lot. There are probably four "reasons" she does them.

a) I'm dominant. In the end, it's always going to come back to that.
b) I'm a good leader. The "things" she has to do are likely to be good for her, me, and/or us.
c) "Doing shit you don't want to" is a part of being an adult and she likes to think of herself as an adult.
d) I do lots of shit I don't like for her. There's an innate sense of fair play.

In the end, you can mix this any way you want. But the bottom line is that for reasons which seem good and compelling to Carol, she's decided that giving herself and almost all rights that go along with "self-hood" to me is a good idea. Subsequent obedience is just her acting on that.



_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/16/2011 11:26:20 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thedavezone

I'd like to know why slaves are slaves - what's the mindset?  What made you want to BE a slave?  Do you do things you hate for your owner - and why?

What's it like?

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this and I can't.




It's really hard to explain this if you can't already see it, just a little. Asking this is kind of like asking "What made you want to BE a nun or a priest?" (An equally incomprehensible life choice, to some people.) I'm ex-Catholic so I often describe slavery as my "vocation." Basically, what it comes down to for me is that nothing else in this world will do. If I didn't feel that way I would never aspire to be a slave; I'd be a submissive, to somebody very strict and loving, instead.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: SLAVES: mindset - 1/16/2011 12:37:55 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		being constantly horney and wired up all wrong helps

dam, i keep hitting the wrong button, this is a general post

< Message edited by osf -- 1/16/2011 12:40:24 PM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 20
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