RE: How did you get into bdsm? (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/6/2011 6:04:38 AM)

Beyond the terms of service that is at an age before the age of consent so there's not much I can add to this.



81song -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/6/2011 6:21:10 AM)

As they say.....long story but in a nut shell it was online at first and being in this D's chat room. At the time I had no idea there was so many that there was so many like myself and after a while I met a Domme in real and it went on from there. From that chat room we all met out in the mid west once at this hotel. It was a blast and I came away thinking how "normal" everyone was.Which on the face on it sounds funny.



salemartist -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/7/2011 4:42:31 AM)

I got into swinging first, just a girlfriend and I playing with other couples, then we played with a girl that was into a little bondage a few times, after a sorted mess and a few break up a little while passed and the bondage girl and I found each other again, that developed into a 3 year relationship that fertalized my deviant mind. 10 years later now and no turning back.



lovmuffin -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/7/2011 6:01:01 AM)

 Since puberty I found that I was extremely turned on when women were tied up on TV and movies. I didn't act upon  it until I was almost done with college when I asked my partner if I could tie her up. After that I tied up most of my partners throughout the years. There were very few who didn't want to let me do it and I found it was generally a big turn on for them. Also since puberty I had a fetish for womens underwear. I just didn't act on that one till I was into my 30's. This is the short version but one thing led to another and I realized I would rather be the subie. When the internet came along I found so much information and resources. As for now I'm in a happy relationship and we are still exploring.



Prinsexx -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/7/2011 7:16:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tdmstr

Not everyone grows up in bdsm lifestyle. So how did you, your partner, or friends find it, and actually do it real life? Curious on the routes others took to get there...

Through a dog flap in the back door.




TwiztedRune -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/7/2011 5:52:10 PM)

I've always had a fetish for unconscious guys. Like, specifically, men that got hurt and were hovering at the edge between life and death, or consciousness and unconsciousness. It was the moment where they broke from it, where they were so helpless and in pain, but simultaneously strong and with the will to keep going despite their injuries..
I hated myself for this fetish until I met an attractive friend into pain and with a sadistic sense of humor. After that, I immediately knew that I wanted a masochist of my own, no matter what it took, because there is literally nothing more attractive to me.




abuddingdom -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/14/2011 8:38:44 PM)

I'm pretty certain that I'm among those who are wired that way. There's schools pro and con being wired. All I know is that I was having BDSM fantasies from my very earliest memories, which are pre-K.........



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/16/2011 4:44:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tdmstr

Not everyone grows up in bdsm lifestyle. So how did you, your partner, or friends find it, and actually do it real life? Curious on the routes others took to get there...


I sort of came in through a back door. I was training as a pastoral care provider on an alternate spiritual path. Because we didn't have the same... boundaries, I guess would be a good word... I spent a good bit of time working with the GLBT community, and had several clients who had M/s relationships or T/b relationships as part of their primary or secondary relationships. Providing good, relevant pastoral care for them meant understanding, at least to some extent, how those dynamics affected their relationships -- so I set out to learn what I could about it. For the first decade, I was really sort of an "outsider" -- I attended events and talked to people, but I wasn't a participant. I bottomed and topped a few times at events, but really never got too deeply in. I did, however, make some friends in the community who shared some of my particular interests in hierarchical households, body modification and tattoos, and period re-enactment, and it was through those connections that I actually got more deeply involved in the life that I'm in now.

About 10 years after my ordination, I was given an opportunity, through a friend of a friend who was involved in the hierarchical households/period re-enactment/BDSM ends of things, to actually immerse myself in the process and see it from the inside. I'd never "submitted" to anyone... ever... in fact, it was one of the huge annoyances between myself and my parents -- that I simply appeared to be completely unable to (as my father put it) "take direction". If I couldn't try it out and shape it myself, I simply wasn't interested, and when I was told that getting into this group would require coming in as a servant and working my way up, I almost blew off the opportunity to join the House. It certainly didn't help that the man that I met who was my contact was SO off-putting. Very bossy, and very clear that, if I made the decision to join the House, the ONLY terms under which that would happen would be if I would start at the bottom and work my way up. To this day, I can't tell you -why- (I argued with myself about it until the very second that I handed over my car keys), but I ended up taking the offer, and I've never regretted it. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about leadership, and a lot of practical skills both in BDSM and in life. I also learned a HUGE lesson about what it means to lead, and to follow, and the particular challenges faced by both sides of that equation.

It's been nearly two decades now. Our household isn't typical. I mean -- well -- we're not BDSM per-se. We're sort of an amalgam of things that embrace BDSM as one possible expression of who and what we are... but the road getting here has reinforced, for me, that these things are a part of my nature that I cherish, and I can't really see myself in a life where they were repressed or denied. I'm glad that I found a family in which they don't have to be.

Calla



ExSteelAgain -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/16/2011 4:59:54 AM)

I had early thoughts of dominating women, but I think many have those feelings and repress them as they move into adulthood. I had sort of pushed mine into the background, but then I met a girl when I was 20 something who had experienced bdsm play in a relationship. I had always paid attention when I read something that touched on bdsm and knew immediately how to respond with this girl. She wanted to be tied up, spanked and "tortured." Ha, the perfect submissive to start with. The girl was my Wiki and I even wrote a few passages with her over a few years. There were breaks in my play due to many reasons, but a good base had been built. Other girls had certain desires and I tried to learn from all.....And the rest of the story is history as they say. Here I am in all my glorious perversion.



DommeKeliDallas -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/16/2011 9:07:18 PM)

Childhood left-overs.



BKSir -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/16/2011 10:02:09 PM)

Sociological research via immersion. I had a friend who was a dom/master, and was curious about it. Something I never looked into before. So I asked him if he would consider taking me under his wing as a sub (of all things), so that I could more closely and thoroughly study this "lifestyle" and its ins and outs. Of course there were some things that were made clear in the beginning, such as, our relationship would be completely non-sexual, and that I reserved the right to stop the entire thing at any given point.

Well, it went rather well for the first 6 months or so, and I soaked up information from all around me like a sponge. Something just seemed to clique with this lifestyle and the people and customs etc involved. But, I've never been a submissive type, so, I changed roles. Not with my friend, obviously, but I asked him to begin mentoring me in a way. This was about... oh damn... 7-8 years ago now.

Sadly, we've lost contact with eachother over that time, but I'll always thank him for being understanding of my obsession for learning and research, and for inadvertently changing my life entirely, causing me to meet some of the most wonderful people I can imagine, and people I've loved with all my heart.



pdv99 -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/17/2011 2:25:33 AM)

It was always inside me, lurking at the back of my mind, colouring teenage fantasies (?pre-teen?) with acts that blurred gender roles that were quite rigid in those days. Tried some role play with my (now ex) wife, but it wasn't for her. Then I read a story in a porn mag and went looking for more like it, learned a bit. The internet came along:I learned a lot more, and my wife departed with a toyboy she met online. Single again after 20 years I set out to find people who were into BDSM using online dating. I met some wonderful people - and made the odd mistake.



Charles6682 -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/27/2011 9:31:18 PM)

I found about this lifestyle on my own.I went to my first fetish party on my own.I didn't have any advantages of actually knowing anyone into this lifestyle until I finally decided to go out adn meet some people.



MaamJay -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/27/2011 9:56:41 PM)

My marriage was in trouble, hubby was overseas by his own choice for almost a year having a wonderful time and leaving me to manage everything AND the most demanding job I ever had, and eventually online chats with friends led into cybersex. Nothing really serious, flirted around a lot. One guy on a straight site suddenly asked me to dominate him, he thought I'd be a natural. Before I agreed I did some research and thought ... wow! Yes, I can be this kind of leader! So I began dominating him online and ultimately on the phone. When he said (after a really challenging phone scene) "oh wow, You can dominate me from half a world away!" ... I figured it was really happening!

Then another friend with whom I'd chatted about our cats for years, let slip that she was kinky (trying to wriggle out of it by saying I wouldn't want to know!). Well I did want to know ... turns out she was REALLY kinky and she got me into a chatroom called Barely Legal ... all sorts of wild stuff but it included bdsm and that's where, on the spur of the moment, I became Mistress Jay! Steep learning curve but I met some great folks there, learned some basics, had a lot of fun. Early on I knew I wanted to sub as well as to Domme. Didn't think it would ever lead to anything offline at that stage though. Hubby came home, I told him all about it (not a cheater!), but he wasn't interested at that stage (in that or Me) and we broke up.

However, eventually I discovered there were real people in My home city living this life and ultimately I plucked up courage to meet a D/s couple (femDom) who were part of a bdsm discussion group. They were nice people ... so I joined the group and learned lots more! I learned about poly and realised I'd need to be that if both My D and s sides were to get satisfied, as switching back and forth with the same person doesn't work for me. Hubby then decided to give it a try living as My sub (he was already a cross-dresser ... but big mistake - fetishist does not equal submissive!), fully knowing it would be poly if I found a real live D (I think he thought that would never happen!). Had some online D's (with the D eventually standing for Disappointment and Dumped!), then met Master. He joined hubby and I as a poly household ... eventually hubby and I broke up for the 3rd and last time ... Master and i are still together 6.5 years later. And I am still looking for the right subby to complete the household.

That's about as short a synopsis as I can make it!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



myotherself -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/27/2011 10:31:12 PM)

mine was a drunken chat with a new colleague in a pub after work. He was asking why I was single, and I told him I found sex tedious and relationships too much like hard work. After a lot of chatting he revealed that he was a Dominant and asked if I thought I might be submissive.

That fired my imagination, so I did a bit of online research. A year or so later I plucked up courage to make an account on Bondage dot com and met my first Dominant. I thought I was a service sub, by this Dom was a sadist and it didn't take long for me to realise this was something I needed.

Now, ten or so years later, I've finally met someone who ticks all the boxes with me - a take-control guy who is also a sadist. What can I say - I like guys who can make me cry! [:D]



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/28/2011 12:33:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Beyond the terms of service that is at an age before the age of consent so there's not much I can add to this.


Same here.  Although I "knew" those were just fantasies, because there's no way anyone could get away with that kind of behavior in this modern age of liberated women, right?  Right?  It's just for sickos!  Definately un-American.

Oh, sure, there were some fun books, but those were just novels.  No-one actually does those things.

Then along came my first internet connection back in 1993...



mnottertail -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/28/2011 12:35:04 PM)

The sliding door was open, and I walked right in.



Crossandra -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/28/2011 3:09:52 PM)

I was always turned on by scenarios of damsels in distress and thought I was a freak. Discovered there were others like me when I entered my first porn store at the age of 18 and some of the imagery was so close to drawings I had done in private for years that it was like finding out you were related to royalty. Had already asked girlfriends to let me tie them up and while they always seemed to enjoy it there were a few whose feminist politics caused them to make me feel guilty for getting off on it. I turned my wife onto it when we were first dating and she really enjoys it. Now after almost 14 years of marriage and playing around with role reversals and ME being the one dressed/tied up we are full on trying whatever we can think of.



weird123m -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/29/2011 5:11:12 PM)

I first found out about it when I used to sneak online late at night when I was a kid. I'd watch bondage and domination flicks and wanted to try it. Started looking things up with my first serious girlfriend, then just kept exploring and learning as I grew older. And here I am.



ThePeripatetic -> RE: How did you get into bdsm? (1/29/2011 6:51:09 PM)

I played around with self-bondage throughout high-school and maybe a bit before. Even convinced a few female friends to tie me up from time-to-time in light-hearted, non-sexual play.

Then about mid-way through college I kind of just acknowledged that this was an important part of who I was so I started seeking stuff out a little more seriously. My first significant experience was when I visited a pro-Domme in London during some of my travels. I found the experience to be somewhat revelatory but also quite a letdown. I realized that I need much more than simply going through the motions of BDSM. I need depth, connectivity, trust, a relationship founded on more than kink. I also realized that I want a woman who's interested in dominating for her own satisfaction and enjoyment not because it fulfills some fantasy I have in my mind.

So shortly after London I came home and decided it was time to check out my local kink community and meet some like-minded friends. I posted a few Craigslist's ads asking if anyone would like to attend a munch with me. I clarified that I had no expectations, that I was just looking for a friend or two. Well the woman who ended up answering my ad became my Mistress. We got together for drinks before the munch and completely hit it off. She really helped me become more comfortable with this side of myself. At this point I have few qualms about attending a munch or visiting a play-event, I've become pretty comfortable in my kink-skin.



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