quote:

As LP said - if they can't respect my preferences at the beginning, how do I know that they will later on?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Me and LP, OFFICIAL CM HARDASSES!!

:)

Yes, and I freely admit it.

I'm pretty sure that it comes from the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have had to say exactly the same thing when returning email.  It goes like this:

"My profile specifically says that I am only interested in correspondence with local people and regulars from the forums.  I would appreciate it if you would respect My preferences."

And, yes, I've already had to do that twice this morning.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR 

Lockit, Ladies Hib and Pact,

Clearly, you've only come across it rarely (at CM, at least) but it is possible, I think, for a man to reach a point of maturity (or wisdom, or self-control, whatever) where he's able to rein in his romantic/lustful feelings towards a given female such that he's able to create and maintain a friendship with her.  He can continue hoping for that friendship to go further, but that hope needn't be so pressing that it impinges on the friendship, nor even warrants being called an 'ulterior motive'.   I mean, come on.  I know that plenty of women are capable of that - why shouldn't at least the occasional man be similarly capable?

quote:

ORIGINAL: omkfY

You've probably all read threads with tips & advice on how to contact dominant women (such as: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057095/tm.htm ) and you almost certainly have read hundreds of complaints here about how poorly men behave on the other side. But if you, like me, bristled defensively at the idea that a) most men are completely clueless and b) that one can truly get overwhelmed from the quantity of new mail -- I have bad news: they are and you can. So in the spirit of all the helpful threads I read while lurking, here is my perspective after creating a generic Domme profile & leaving it up for 24 hours.


How it started:

Despite reading over and over how annoying one line messages are, I still occasionally sent short, impersonal messages. In my mind, a nearly blank (usually new) nearby profile that is "online now" begged for a quick cmail conveying a warm welcome and extending all the hospitality that one could offer a complete stranger online. Something like:

"Hello and welcome! It's nice to see another local face. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can be of service."

I thought such messages were nice/harmless, but, even though these were rarely successful at initiating conversation, I was still surprised when someone replied recently telling me just how annoying it came off. After some additional correspondence, I decided to see for myself just what a new dominant female profile endures.



After 24 hours, this profile had:

91 full views
35 unsolicited cmails
5 unsolicited chat requests


If ladies reading this are thinking "yeah, so what?" -- in 18+ months my own profile has had ~25 full views, ~10 unsolicited cmails (8 from pros), and 1 unsolicited chat request. I suspect that is typical for a forum-lurking male sub...



Anyway, while taking the 10 minutes to fill out a full profile, I left up the text "just exploring possibilities for now." In those 10 minutes I received the following mail:


1) "how's the hunt?" -- along with an unsolicited picture from someone 750+ miles away
2) "possibility #1"
3) a cut & paste message informing me of his "stats" along with 5+ paragraphs of I am, I like, I have, I, I, I, etc
4) "hi" -- from a profile with a facesitting avatar cartoon, HNG-ish name, and 750+ miles away
5) a wall of text informing me exactly how a dominant is supposed to correct deviant male behavior and offering to teach me more if I reply
6) "what possibilities are you exploring"


Now #6 isn't too far off from something I may have sent to try and start a conversation. It certainly isn't offensive, it responds to what little profile was there, it asks more about her, etc. If it was the 1st message received, I imagine it might even work. But as the 6th message, it is much more likely to be ignored or deleted...



At this point the full profile was up, clearly stating she was just looking around, not at all interested in forced bi/femme or humiliation, and did not wish to be addressed by honorifics like Mistress or Ma'am. These are what followed:


7) "Hello Mistress do you like loser piggies?" -- from a HNGish name
8) "Hello Mistress..." I am, I like, I have, I, I, I want to be your slave...
9) cut & paste essay, but with profile name inserted awkwardly into the right places for that personal feel. From a profile 1500+ miles away with an unsolicited photo attached
10) "Hello Mistress" from a HNGish name
11) "What possibilities would You consider?" (must take a long time to type 1 handed)
12) "Hi Mistress, where are you? hope we can chat" -- from a HNGish name
13) unsolicited friend request, no text, from profile with HNGish name and 100 friends
14) cut & paste message telling "Mistress" how to dominate him
15) "Hello. Do you like humilation and sissys. Does size matter. Were at?" -- from HNGish name/profile pic
16) "wanna crush my ballz...you have an open invitation.. prove your real and make me squirm like a lil bitch" -- from a HNGish name 2000 miles away
17) #15 writing again to ask why I hadn't responded to him yet
18) "Hello Mistress..." followed by "stats" and I, I, I, I want to serve (my idea of) you... please YIM me now at name similar to: takesbigstrapons
19) "Ma'am i have read Your profile and would like to discuss the possibility of serving You as You describe...." -- followed by detailed instructions on how to force him to perform fellatio
20) wall of cut & paste text describing how dominant women should correct inferior men + HNGish name (no, not #5 again)
21) 1st guy that actually tailored a message to the profile. It was nice too -- until he started discussing his plans to relocate and serve at once
22) tailored to profile, but horrible grammar for someone bragging about being a 20-something physician
23) tailored to profile, but only 3 lines. Still it might get a response if this fictitious Domme wasn't too exasperated from the others by now.
24) #23 had more to say -- probably guaranteeing a response
25) "hi! id love to be your sub...where in town are you?"
26) nice message tailored to profile
27) "awesome to see you local! I'm in west side." -- 1 step above omghi2u?
28) #12 thought maybe I would respond if he told me exactly how much he enjoyed jerking off to my picture
29) A friendly, well-tailored message (from a Dom)
30) "hello Goddess i norice Your nearby i am very interested in chatting with You" -- might be easier to type with both hands sonny
31) unsolicited friend request from random Dom
32) responded to something from the profile, but then pasted a long I, I, I life story/do-me request -- from HNGish name 750+ miles away
33) "Am I too far away?" -- from a Dom 1000 miles away...
34) #10 decides now is a good time to mention he read the profile
35) "hi Miss may i speak?" -- from a HNGish name 2000 miles away


Whew, and that's just 1 day... So back to my own message:

"Hello and welcome! It's nice to see another local face. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can be of service."


I still don't think its bad, but it is definitely not a good, memorable message for someone who just waded through ~30 lame come-ons. A freshly jaded domme might even interpret it as:

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Please boss me around"


Conclusion?

Better to remain silent until either the profile fills in enough to inspire, or you come up with a unique way to respectfully introduce yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scala
I think Lady Pact that you may need to define "local" especially as you live in a small town. Is local the same town , within 100 miles , within 1 hour driving or walking distance from you ?

btw I like verbal abuse :-)

Actually, I don't consider My standard response in these cases verbal abuse at all.  By the way, I've had to write that same response an additional four times since I last posted on this thread.

For the record, the reason I don't put exact mileage on is because I am terrible with the geography of the current state that I reside.  I usually have to look at the comparison.  I'm going to a munch a week from tonight that I couldn't tell you how many miles away it is without checking the reference.  I just know how long it takes to get there. 

Not that I think it matters.  Every time today that I've had to write that same response, it wasn't even from someone in the same state.  One time was out of the country.  Do you really think that person from Costa Rico cared if instead of "local" I had a certain mile radius written in My profile?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Peon, you've "known" me for a bit. How many male friends have I made on this site? Damn few. And guess what? Most of them are DOMINANTS. Why can another dom, who knows perfectly well that I am not sub ever, approach me with no ulterior motive while a sub male so rarely can?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

'When she says no, a woman really means, maybe.'

'I can talk her into it. I'm charming and she really is wrong'.

'Just tell her you love her or want whatever she wants and you can get her to do what you want.'

These types of statements are not something I think kindly on. I never have and never will. I mean what I say and I say what I mean and if someone thinks that when I take a stand on something, that I really mean something else, can be talked into something else or can be manipulated, they have disrespected me, my judgment and my wishes. That just doesn't work. Especially with someone unknown to me.

This doesn't mean that in a relationship I won't compromise or see another persons point of view. It simply means, you better take me seriously if you wish to be taken seriously or even considered as someone I will have in my life. It's a matter of respect. You don't show it, by taking my words to mean something, you will never mean anything to me.

You want a dominant... well, guess what? Don't be surprised when she knows her own mind, wants what she wants and will follow through no matter who or what tries to convince her. Expect that manipulations and disrespect won't get you far and she has already evaluated whatever it is. Someone who can be manipulated, is weak kneed because he is so cute, so charming... isn't a dominant woman. I am. It just won't do anything but piss me off.

Just as I say what I mean and mean it, I expect a submissive to as well. If he is going to try to convince me I am wrong about myself, he has something coming and it won't be what he wants.