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new Domme - 1/7/2011 11:48:48 AM

mizisadora

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/7/2011
Status: offline

Hello... So I want to give you a little background before I ask my question. I used to consider myself a sub, and then more recently a switch, and now I'm really interested in being a Domme. I met someone on fetlife (not sure if you guys are familiar with this site) and so far we have really great chemistry. He mentioned this site and I thought I'd take a look. I really liked the boards here because it seems like people actually take the time to answer the threads.

My question: Any advice from the experienced dominant woman? Also, any thoughts on first meetings? We're planning to meet in a coffee shop and then if we feel comfortable he'll come back to my place for a bit. Some that seem like a good idea?

Thank you for any thoughts.

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RE: new Domme - 1/7/2011 12:19:33 PM

wisker

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/6/2011
Status: offline

if you dont do i it will always feel like you mist an oppourtunity
be carefull tough

(in reply to mizisadora)

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RE: new Domme - 1/7/2011 12:23:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Dude, just so you know, full frontal nudity as a main profile pic is discouraged here.

ETA - Sorry, OP. I didn't address your question.

I don't tend to set up play to be associated with My first meets. In fact, that's one of the stipulations that I make when I arrange a meeting. That there isn't going to be any play from the first hello.

Also, as Red said, I do not bring casual play partners to My home. If we find that we are compatible for play, I tend to set that up for either a public dungeon or a play party that is coming up. The reason for that is for My safety as well as theirs. If things progress from there, we get a good play arrangement established, we might meet for private play, but that will be at a location that isn't going to be in My home. I literally take people through a succession of steps and My home doesn't come into it until we are both comfortable with the trust level and there's a potential for a dynamic in place.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 1/7/2011 12:37:18 PM >

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(in reply to wisker)

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RE: new Domme - 1/7/2011 12:28:14 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I am not a Domme, but I would not advise on taking someone home on a first meet.

I am into safety myself.

As for missed opportunties? Please. Life provides many such opportunities.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: new Domme - 1/7/2011 11:27:13 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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I think the coffee shop is ideal for meeting a stranger but personally, I'd leave the "if we feel comfortable he'll come back to my place for a bit" right off the agenda. I see them as two *separate* rungs of climbing the relationship ladder.

Have that first meet and chat etc and generally get a feel for each other - mutual chemistry etc. Then go home and sleep on it; see how you feel about him next day and generally give your instincts time to do their stuff. Then decide if you'd like to proceed to the next step....

And welcome to CM.... :)

Focus.

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RE: new Domme - 1/8/2011 7:26:38 AM

allthatjaz

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Good advice so far. You say that you have been a sub and a switch and I take it you have already had play partners? as a Domme you need to take the same precautions that you would of done as a sub or a switch which I hope includes not letting them into your home or going to their home until you feel you can comfortably trust him.
Don't worry about his disappointment. He will just be all the keener if you keep him at arms length for a while

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RE: new Domme - 1/8/2011 10:34:17 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
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Good advise Focus50,that's what I do, meet in public mostly at a coffee shop, and talk, Kink talk and coffee.

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RE: new Domme - 1/8/2011 11:46:38 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
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I agree with everything that has been said here, leave the bringing him to your home out for a while, also play when you are comfortable to play with him, and if he thinks you should play with him straight away, I'd see that as a warning sign.

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RE: new Domme - 1/9/2011 7:41:28 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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I hope the first meeting goes well. I would not advise going home with a guy on a first date....however, I have done precisely that with ladies many times over the years. A first date with a potential Mistress or slave is not so much different than a vanilla first date. Sometimes you really hit it off and are really attracted to each other, and you just can't wait. It happens. At the very least, make a safety call and let someone know where you are going to be.

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)

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RE: new Domme - 1/9/2011 2:03:16 PM

GoddessLiliane

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/8/2011
Status: offline

I never meet subs in my own home.

Apply your personal rules to general dating to this as well.

Do something neutral on the first meeting, like go to a coffee shop or see a movie.
Make sure you have a method of transport not dependent on him in any way.
Make sure somebody knows where you are and what's going on, and what to do if you don't call them after the date.

Take precautions because it's not the scene that's dangerous, it's our world. I wish you the best of luck!

(in reply to slavekal)

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RE: new Domme - 1/14/2011 10:21:10 PM

mizisadora

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/7/2011
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts and input! I think I'm going to do what's been suggested - keep the date as a coffee and date and if we feel comfortable... perhaps we'll extend the coffee date with a walk of something lol. But I'll save the play for next time.

(in reply to GoddessLiliane)

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