Desperation

Desperation (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> Desperation (1/7/2011 12:51:22 PM)
Let's face it. Desperation is never attractive. When I say this, I'm not talking about the fun that the word conveys when we're discussing certain types of play with our own boys. I'm talking about it as a first impression. I don't think that folks just starting out in their involvement in wiitwd realize what a turn off this is for a Dominant woman. After a while, I don't think they understand that it all comes across very much the same...... I need a Mistress. I need one now!!! I'm begging for someone, anyone to take control. Most Dominant women, in My experience, just aren't really thrilled with the 'any Domme will do' philosophy. My approach on this is My concept of, it's not enough to want to serve; I want to know why you want to serve Me. Since a lot of folks don't seem to be hearing this message, I'd like to get comments from the other Dominant women here. Is desperation from strangers attractive to you?

LadyConstanze -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 12:58:14 PM)
Hell NO, equivalent of a desperate guy in a pub approaching every woman...

SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 1:04:51 PM)
OMG. You just don't understand what it is like to be a sub male. I'm soooooooo desperate...................to respond to this message. (Sorry just stirring the pot)

LadyPact -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 1:07:14 PM)
Quite ok on the pot stirring. It's good to see that even some sub males don't want to be associated with desperation and will gladly give other submissive males a helpful (yet comical) tip.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 1:26:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Let's face it. Desperation is never attractive. When I say this, I'm not talking about the fun that the word conveys when we're discussing certain types of play with our own boys. I'm talking about it as a first impression. I don't think that folks just starting out in their involvement in wiitwd realize what a turn off this is for a Dominant woman. After a while, I don't think they understand that it all comes across very much the same...... I need a Mistress. I need one now!!! I'm begging for someone, anyone to take control. Most Dominant women, in My experience, just aren't really thrilled with the 'any Domme will do' philosophy. My approach on this is My concept of, it's not enough to want to serve; I want to know why you want to serve Me. Since a lot of folks don't seem to be hearing this message, I'd like to get comments from the other Dominant women here. Is desperation from strangers attractive to you? LadyPact, when I read the above, I was reminded of THIS thread. I've always had the impression that many folks are of the opinion that all they need to be complete is a dominant partner/master/mistress/owner. Ironically, I see this mainly online and less so offline. Offline/real time is almost too real....the fantasy is invaded with the reality of both people involved being mere humans. Desperation is an interesting thing. I actually did a search for the definition of the word.... 1.The condition of being desperate. 2.Recklessness arising from despair. It was the second entry that caught my attention. Recklessness and despair. "Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention." ~Douglas Horton~ Not a pretty thought, huh? Contraywise...desperation can sometimes be the catalyst for positive change. "Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape." ~William S. Burroughs~ I guess it all depends on where the desperation comes from...a desire to create positive change or out of recklessness and despair. All too often, I see the latter online as opposed to the former. Interesting question, I'm curious to see where it'll lead.

sinandhoney -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 1:44:14 PM)
This is the biggest thing that stops me from actually pursuing a submissive partner. Even if I tell them I don't want a laundry list of things they want me to do to them, they still don't get it. I've sat face to face with submissive friends and explained that no one, much less a Domina, want to feel like a tool for your kink, that anyone will do. Even in the local group since there are so few Dominas they find out you are and immediately want you to dominant them but they know you not one iota. Big big turn off.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 1:50:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sinandhoney This is the biggest thing that stops me from actually pursuing a submissive partner. Even if I tell them I don't want a laundry list of things they want me to do to them, they still don't get it. I've sat face to face with submissive friends and explained that no one, much less a Domina, want to feel like a tool for your kink, that anyone will do. Even in the local group since there are so few Dominas they find out you are and immediately want you to dominant them but they know you not one iota. Big big turn off. Strange, personally I found munches are quite a friendly experiences where you aren't bothered, but in case I want to be, a lot of guys aren't ready to tell you what they like out of fear of presenting a laundry list... I prefer playing with somebody who I know our kinks will mesh, but that doesn't mean it's an invitation to everybody out there to present me with a laundry list. When I have gotten to know the person and decide I might be interested, then it's time to let me know... A bit of restrain goes a long long way, desperation doesn't.

LadyPact -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 2:10:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Strange, personally I found munches are quite a friendly experiences where you aren't bothered, but in case I want to be, a lot of guys aren't ready to tell you what they like out of fear of presenting a laundry list... I prefer playing with somebody who I know our kinks will mesh, but that doesn't mean it's an invitation to everybody out there to present me with a laundry list. When I have gotten to know the person and decide I might be interested, then it's time to let me know... A bit of restrain goes a long long way, desperation doesn't. I agree with this emphatically. In fact, all of the folks that I am currently playing with (except for clip) are people that I've found through one local munch group or another since moving here. I haven't received any vibe from any of them that I was being presented with a laundry list. More often than not, I think it's because they have seen Me play with someone else. If anything, it kind of works in reverse. They see first what I want to do and talk to Me about our compatibilities. I never hear "I want you to do this".

MissAsylum -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 2:37:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I agree with this emphatically. In fact, all of the folks that I am currently playing with (except for clip) are people that I've found through one local munch group or another since moving here. I haven't received any vibe from any of them that I was being presented with a laundry list. More often than not, I think it's because they have seen Me play with someone else. If anything, it kind of works in reverse. They see first what I want to do and talk to Me about our compatibilities. I never hear "I want you to do this". I envy you to an extent LP. I'm 80% sure that I get laundry lists because I pro ( the other 20 I'm sure its because I have a vagina ). I don't get this treatment at munches though, which I'm glad about- not certain I could take this type of treatment in person without getting miffed.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 2:40:33 PM)
I agree, I am having a problem with somebody I actually want to play with because we get on on a non kink basis to let me know what works for him, because he's so scared of giving me a laundry list, despite the fact that I keep telling him knowing what works for him is not a list and I will only use what works for me too. I strongly believe BDSM is a give and take and your kinks should mesh...

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 5:04:16 PM)
Desperation is never pretty. Being objectfied as a generic dominant that will instantly be the fantasy fulfillment device? Even less.

mummyman321 -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 6:16:00 PM)
LC, I totally agree. The sub should be able to tell you his/her wants and desires. What makes him/her tick. I know when I make contact with a Domme I specifically state my general areas of interests. I also mention the one stated in her profile as well that match mine and go from there. Asking what about this aspects do you enjoy/seek? I firmly believe both people need to get something out of the relationship for it to grow.

TheRaptorJesus -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 9:41:09 PM)
I don't know any women that want a desperate man. I don't understand why people, doms or subs, think that courtship conduct would be so different on here than in real life or on a 'nilla dating site. It's absurd. To be concise. No woman wants a desperate man. Dominant women on this site have a sea of men trying to curry their favor. Present your best qualities with confidence. Don't say why a domme would want you, say why any woman would want you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 9:48:42 PM)
I don't understand any of this. The absolute first thing is to get a conversation going. If the mesh isn't there outside the bedroom, even excellent sex won't make the relationship work. If there's compatibility but no real chemistry, cool - it looks like a friendship. If we can't stand each other, then see ya around, and thank God we didn't get hooked up. If some guy threw himself at every single woman he saw... who would want someone who valued women for their gender alone?

LadyTeazer -> RE: Desperation (1/7/2011 10:47:37 PM)
I have to agree. A desperate sub male in general ain't pretty. (might be a bit amusing, but I digress) But a sub male desperate to serve "Me" is quite the opposite. When I am contacted by a sub male who says, or insists, or begs to serve Me, I will ask him ""why"" do you want to serve ~Me~ specifically? And try as I might, I cannot recall even one time when I have received a good, solid, convincing answer. Most of the time, their reply is to disappear back into the woodwork from whence they came. Or if they do write back, it is with a weak "because I think we would be good together". OK, but "why" do you think 'we' would be good together? And again, no reply. I do not mind if a sub gives Me a list of kinks he is into and/or wants to explore. I prefer that he does (and I ask for one if he does not), as it helps Me to determine how much, if any, compatibility we might have together. But there is a very sharp difference when a sub tells Me what he wants, simply because he sees Me as a nameless, faceless, domme whom he can use to check off the items on his list. That is not at all flattering, and is, in fact, insulting. Arrogant little twerp. Who does he think he is? he is here to serve Me. I am not here to be used by him so that he can get his jollies and fulfill his kinky fantasies. Sounds like he needs to have that realization "beaten" into him. wink But that would probably only serve to check off one of the things on his list. So never mind.....

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