Hi I am new at being a master...

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Blackteddy27 -> Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 12:09:09 PM)
Hi all I am new at being a master and I was wondering what educational reading about not only the lifestyle but on making a slave obey. I am not a violet person but I am interested in this lifestlye and would like to learn more about it and also how to recieve or pick a slave. I am open to suggestions on reading material or events to go to.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 12:12:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blackteddy27 I am not a violet person Me either. I'm more ... dark green, with a hint of blue from time to time ;) Reading material? I've never found anything published that really speaks to me, but as general material, I still like "The Loving Dominant". ETA: Sorry, I should have said: Welcome :) And all the best in your journey.

LadyPact -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 12:21:35 PM)
Welcome to the forums. There is actually a wonderful book list on this site under the Alternative Lifestyles in the News section. With that said, if at this point you have not become educated, nor do you have a slave, exact what is it that makes you a Master? Would you consider yourself a master mechanic if you couldn't change a carburetor? Would you be a master violinist if you have never picked up the instrument to play a note? I think you might find that at your stage in development, you may want to stick with the term Dominant.

Blackteddy27 -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 12:28:36 PM)
First off thanks for the replies and for the information and I will stck to the dominant part but I do plan on becoming a master soon once I becom educated in the lifestyle and the Master term and behavior role.

DarkSteven -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 1:44:28 PM)
Hello, Teddy. Let me expand a bit on what LadyPact said. I'll use her as an example. I consider her a Master for several reasons: 1. She has been involved in the lifestyle for years (I suspect a decade or more). 2. She is considered an authority on certain form of play by her local group. 3. She has a good local reputation (heard third hand, but still indicative). 4. She treats others with the respect that they deserve. Something else that is not required for a good opinion, but certainly doesn't hurt, is that her relationships have lasted years. So in order to be a Master, you will need to be active in the local scene, and conduct yourself in such a way to elicit respect. Knowing one or more types of play (whips, cutting, etc.,) at an expert level is expected, and expertise in bondage is a given. Being known for keeping your word is essential.

poise -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:24:04 PM)
Welcome to the forums Blackteddy. You've gotten some good suggestions so far. I think a great way for you to learn things in regards to the lifestyle is go at a slow and steady pace. There is no automatic certification of masterhood simply because you've read a few books and have the desire. Determine what 3 things that you have heard about the lifestyle that attract you the most. Learn what they are called (ie: TPE = Total Power Exchange Tying her up = Bondage...etc and commit to learning those things first. It would make no sense for you to learn about knife play for example, if thats not something thats sparked your interest....(yet) Focus on ways in which you can incorporate some or all of those 3 things into the life you are currently living. If you are in a relationship, open communication about your interests would be a good start. As for receiving or picking a slave, this process should be no different than what you would do were you looking for a girlfriend, you still want compatibility. As for getting a slave to obey, be good at communicating your expectations of her. The forums are filled with some other great ideas. Take some time to read through the Ask A Master threads. Best of luck to you!

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:26:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven So in order to be a Master, you will need to be active in the local scene Really? I'd disagree with that. Totally. It's not a merit badge conferred by the townsfolk.

DarkSteven -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:36:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven So in order to be a Master, you will need to be active in the local scene Really? I'd disagree with that. Totally. It's not a merit badge conferred by the townsfolk. I've known several self-designated Masters whom everyone else thought were incapable to tie their own shoes. Others' opinions do count for something.

LadyPact -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:37:33 PM)
First, thank you, Steven. That was very nice of you to say. quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue Really? I'd disagree with that. Totally. It's not a merit badge conferred by the townsfolk. Some people would agree. Others wouldn't. For those of us who consider ourselves leather people, it absolutely is a cornerstone. Being a participant in your local community, and working towards the education and other beneficial aspects of that community, is vital.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:41:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact First, thank you, Steven. That was very nice of you to say. quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue Really? I'd disagree with that. Totally. It's not a merit badge conferred by the townsfolk. Some people would agree. Others wouldn't. For those of us who consider ourselves leather people, it absolutely is a cornerstone. Being a participant in your local community, and working towards the education and other beneficial aspects of that community, is vital. Fair enough. It must have a different meaning in the US than it does to the UK then, coz that's not at all how I register it. 2 nations divided by a common language, etc etc.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:42:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Others' opinions do count for something. I didn't realise it was a democratically appointed office in the US, apologies.

LadyPact -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:44:53 PM)
It's not just two nations, RF. There are a number of different cultures who have their own way regarding wiitwd. The various ways that people use terms from one style to the next can be absolutely fascinating.

DarkSteven -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:48:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Being a participant in your local community, and working towards the education and other beneficial aspects of that community, is vital. Oops. I forgot that one. Not just participating in, but contributing to the community. Thanks for pointing that out.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:50:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact It's not just two nations, RF. There are a number of different cultures who have their own way regarding wiitwd. The various ways that people use terms from one style to the next can be absolutely fascinating. Oh absolutely :) I did know about some of the "leather" types references to it from that slightly odd (but interesting) chap who used to post, quite a way back (not the nutty one, but someone quite sane and interesting - from the gay male side of things IIRC)... although I'm happy to confess (as always - never commit to knowledge you don't have) that I didn't realise the mere term had that degree of community conferring on it. It's all learning, and that's fine by me. Personally, that’s not how I’d read it at all, but again, that’s not necessarily a problem.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:56:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven So in order to be a Master, you will need to be active in the local scene, and conduct yourself in such a way to elicit respect. Knowing one or more types of play (whips, cutting, etc.,) at an expert level is expected, and expertise in bondage is a given. Being known for keeping your word is essential. Steven, I'd say it depends, bondage is nothing that really holds my interest, I prefer leather restrains to rope bondage, sure I can do a bondage but to be honest I find it a bit boring. I'm not active in the scene here as I kinda dipped my toes in and didn't find it to my liking, I don't go for the competition and "You're only dominant if you come with x amount of slaves in tow and sleep in leather jammies and everybody around you knows you are into BDSM" thing, I've no problem sharing knowledge but I am a bit leery explaining something that is quite risky to somebody who can't even bother to properly maintain their tools - I might be uptight here, but I'd feel guilty if something bad happened because I explained something to people who weren't ready for it. I don't walk around swinging a whip and I don't feel I need to be bossy to strangers to show I'm a domme, so I don't really fit into the local scene where it's more like "let it all hang out and wear it on your sleeve", I rather be more private about it, sure I wouldn't mind munches and like-minded people, but if it includes outing myself to the world and possibly doing damage to my vanilla career - count me out.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 2:59:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven So in order to be a Master, you will need to be active in the local scene, and conduct yourself in such a way to elicit respect. Knowing one or more types of play (whips, cutting, etc.,) at an expert level is expected, and expertise in bondage is a given. Being known for keeping your word is essential. Steven, I'd say it depends, bondage is nothing that really holds my interest, I prefer leather restrains to rope bondage, sure I can do a bondage but to be honest I find it a bit boring. I'm not active in the scene here as I kinda dipped my toes in and didn't find it to my liking, I don't go for the competition and "You're only dominant if you come with x amount of slaves in tow and sleep in leather jammies and everybody around you knows you are into BDSM" thing, I've no problem sharing knowledge but I am a bit leery explaining something that is quite risky to somebody who can't even bother to properly maintain their tools - I might be uptight here, but I'd feel guilty if something bad happened because I explained something to people who weren't ready for it. I don't walk around swinging a whip and I don't feel I need to be bossy to strangers to show I'm a domme, so I don't really fit into the local scene where it's more like "let it all hang out and wear it on your sleeve", I rather be more private about it, sure I wouldn't mind munches and like-minded people, but if it includes outing myself to the world and possibly doing damage to my vanilla career - count me out. I agree with much of that (though not all, although not disagreeing, just that some of it doesn't apply to me) ... again, I think it's a difference between the US and UK definitions of the term.

DarkSteven -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 3:02:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue again, I think it's a difference between the US and UK definitions of the term. I suspect it's more like LadyPact said, that it varies by kink group. The ones I;'ve known in Colorado have all behaved like I stated, but evidently there are groups that don't.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 3:08:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue again, I think it's a difference between the US and UK definitions of the term. I suspect it's more like LadyPact said, that it varies by kink group. Americans are the only ones I've ever heard make a fuss about it, if that helps any.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 3:17:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue I agree with much of that (though not all, although not disagreeing, just that some of it doesn't apply to me) ... again, I think it's a difference between the US and UK definitions of the term. To be honest, I found the US a bit more discrete than the UK in general, whereas London has those wonderful parties where everybody does wear a mask, you need 2 people to vouch for you and you ever mention the location or somebody you recognized, you are black balled, pretty much the way the old gentlemen's clubs were run. I found the level of conduct where BDSM is concerned quite amazing, on the continent it seems that what ever happens at a venue stays there (a bit like the American saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas") and anybody blabbing about having seen somebody at a munch or a venue would find him or herself shunned and cast out, even if the person had outed him or herself you don't talk about having seen that person in a BDSM environment and questions about "real life outside" are not very well received. In the US it's a bit more like a clique and people seem to be fine with that, in the UK on a munch level there doesn't seem to be much of a discretion thing, which does put me off a bit, however there are certain play parties that take discretion quite seriously, to be honest I much prefer that level of discretion. I'm not particularly interested that everybody knows what I'm into, I don't care what the people do who happen to be at the same venue, they deserve their privacy as much as I deserve mine. The UK on a munch basis and the US on a play basis (based on my own limited experiences) see to be a bit more of people stopping you on the street and talking about where you met, without caring all that much who you are with, that makes me a bit uncomfy and in their eyes a bit uptight.

RapierFugue -> RE: Hi I am new at being a master... (1/9/2011 4:25:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze To be honest, I found the US a bit more discrete than the UK in general, whereas London has those wonderful parties where everybody does wear a mask, you need 2 people to vouch for you and you ever mention the location or somebody you recognized, you are black balled, pretty much the way the old gentlemen's clubs were run. I found the level of conduct where BDSM is concerned quite amazing, on the continent it seems that what ever happens at a venue stays there (a bit like the American saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas") and anybody blabbing about having seen somebody at a munch or a venue would find him or herself shunned and cast out, even if the person had outed him or herself you don't talk about having seen that person in a BDSM environment and questions about "real life outside" are not very well received. In the US it's a bit more like a clique and people seem to be fine with that, in the UK on a munch level there doesn't seem to be much of a discretion thing, which does put me off a bit, however there are certain play parties that take discretion quite seriously, to be honest I much prefer that level of discretion. I'm not particularly interested that everybody knows what I'm into, I don't care what the people do who happen to be at the same venue, they deserve their privacy as much as I deserve mine. The UK on a munch basis and the US on a play basis (based on my own limited experiences) see to be a bit more of people stopping you on the street and talking about where you met, without caring all that much who you are with, that makes me a bit uncomfy and in their eyes a bit uptight. I agree with much of that (though not all). Also, I find most people at most scene events I've been to somewhat desperate ... maybe "tragic" would be a better term. Way too needy, even those who aren't supposed to be.

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