novice training a novice? (Full Version)

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mysticalfaerie -> novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 2:23:47 PM)

Hello everyone, I have a question, recently I started talking to someone and entered into a relationship with them. He is newer to the lifestyle and wants to train me. I have had other people say that they want to train me however the guy im seeing is concerned that i would develop feelings for that person. He has friends in the lifestyle that he could turn to and ask for help and he is willing to read up and gain more knowledge on this but I was wondering what you all think about a novice training a novice and everything that surrounds that.



Ceyx -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 2:32:11 PM)

I suppose it depends on what you mean by 'training,' yes?

If you're talking about technical skills in physical or mental techniques that your fellow does not, himself, possess, then he would need to learn those things somehow before he could 'train' you.

If you're talking about practicing certain behaviors in order to become the person he envisions-- absent any specialized knowledge-- then I don't see why that sort of training couldn't be carried out between you.

I don't see the trouble in a Dominant and submissive learning and growing alongside one another, but obviously one needs to have knowledge in order to impart it. If the fellow has that or can acquire it, great.



SweetEscravo -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 2:47:46 PM)

I don't see why not.  You will both learn and grow together.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 3:12:43 PM)

if it works for you, go for it.  It can be a great way to go.  I'd only been seriously topping a few months when I met my boyfriend, and he was a total novice.  A few months later I met my local partner, who was also fresh to the public scene.  We work great together.

Every relationship is new to the people who are in it and you have to all start somewhere.  As long as you forgive eachother and focus on being together more than reaching some "skill level" then it should be great.



Level -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 3:22:08 PM)

Just be careful, health-wise. You may be in for an unpleasant surprise if he takes a cane to you without knowing what he's doing.



CrappyDom -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 3:33:49 PM)

Anyone who speaks of training gets red post it note on their forehead with "potential idiot" written on it.

If you want to start playing, start playing.  Did you need training for your first sexual experience?  Did you need training for your first date or relationship? 

Training is all to often code for "I want to see if I can fuck you a few times with no strings attached".



GeekFreak -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 4:09:12 PM)

I'm gonna have to agree with the majority on this one. I see no reason you two can't learn and grow together. It seems a lot of people on here take BDSM very seriously and newbies seem to want to take it just as seriously...they seem afraid as if there's some right or wrong way to go about doing things. I'd say more reasonable there are right or wrong people, but if you find a good loving person how to start to learn and play doesn't have a right or wrong way.



Dustyn -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 4:16:20 PM)

I can just see the ad in the newspaper now:

Submissive ISO Dominant
Required 5 years experience, with references.

LOL

- Dustyn



mathiasdomm -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 5:02:01 PM)

There's not a thing in the world wrong with it.  I started in exactly the opposite way-- I knew exactly nothing and my first sub was an old pro.  Imagine being eighteen, playing with a professor, and trying to learn bondage knots by having the person currently being tied up explain it to you.  In a lot of ways, I wish we'd have both been newbies.  Much less embarassment.  [sm=ofcourse.gif]   Regardless, if you're serious, you'll make it.  Get involved in the local community, find friends, go to play parties where you get to do new and different stuff.  Yeah, it'll be a little awkward from time to time, but as long as you've both got a sense of  humor about it, it'll be okay.  It's okay to laugh. It's sex.  It's pretty damn funny anyway.
-m



mysticalfaerie -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 5:03:26 PM)

thanks, i appreciate this everyone i also felt that we could learn this but someone who has sort of taken me under their wing suggested i take it here and get other peoples un biased opinions



feastie -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 6:17:37 PM)

There are any number of things that could qualify as "training".  Mostly, they involve learning how to please one's dominant, be it through establishing rules, rituals, dresscode, what have you.  Some are more intense and personal, orgasm control, etc.

To me, it's all about getting to know each other and how to fulfill expectations and explore great sex with each other.  There really doesn't need to be a third party involved.  In fact, I have always found the idea of a "Trainer" to be sublimely ludicrous. 

Since your dominant is new, he may well need training...ironic as that sounds...to learn to handle a flogger or paddle or cane properly, to learn to bind properly without causing damage.



Level -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 7:12:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

There are any number of things that could qualify as "training".  Mostly, they involve learning how to please one's dominant, be it through establishing rules, rituals, dresscode, what have you.  Some are more intense and personal, orgasm control, etc.

To me, it's all about getting to know each other and how to fulfill expectations and explore great sex with each other.  There really doesn't need to be a third party involved.  In fact, I have always found the idea of a "Trainer" to be sublimely ludicrous. 

Since your dominant is new, he may well need training...ironic as that sounds...to learn to handle a flogger or paddle or cane properly, to learn to bind properly without causing damage.


I agree, there are safety issues, depending on what the parties intend on doing. [sm=crop.gif]



slaverosebeauty -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 7:56:48 PM)

Personally, with the things that I enjoy, I will NEVER play with a novice. I have corrupted a few nillas and introduced them into things and helped them find mentors if they decided to continue on ths path, but from what I remember of being a novice, I had not appeal in anyone with as much or less expereince that I did.

If your partner has mentors & those they can and will learn from and ask advice from, as well as you both are taking your time and not 'jumping into the deep end' with [hardercore] things, I don't see a problem.

I welcome you both. Good Luck.



spankmepink11 -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 8:26:48 PM)

There' s nothing wrong with two people who are new to the lifestyle being involved in a relationship with one another. However.....when it comes to BDSM type "play"  i would be more likely to be attracted to  One of experience due to the  activities i enjoy....they do require a bit of expertise.
If  you tend to enjoy any type of edge play...it might be wise to have Him seek instruction....for the sake of  your physical well being.   I once saw an inexperienced  "Dom" flay open a submissives cheek...requiring stitches after saying..."Hey...can i try that whip?"  (Not very responsible of that submissives owner to have allowed that.)
 



dreamscape -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 9:37:26 PM)

If it works for you, then my all means do it. Just be very careful.  My first lifestyle partner said he was a dominant, and I didnt know enough then to truly tell the difference. In the end all he was, was a sub masquerading as a dom, and left me feeling very confused and quite frankly, a bit scared. Slow and steady I suppose...




eh



TolerableCruelty -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/1/2006 10:15:44 PM)

I'm inclined to agree with CrappyDom and feastie on this subject...
the only "training" I can think of that a newbie would be able to offer any girl, regardless of her experience level, would be of a personal sort... i.e. = training you to his own personal standards and desires.

well... what he likes is fine... but thats not necessarily what anyone else likes. Just as if I were to train you in My home, he may find you totally repulsive in your manner of service to him. Everyone in this lifestyle is unique, no two are the same... like a bunch of twisted, perverted, damned snowflakes drifting around... lol.

If its just playtime things you're wishing to be trained on... then yes, I would also suggest he is trained first, and you go with the old pro that you've been talking to... not a lick of sense in letting someone that has never held a flogger before, actually take one to your ass.

I'll end it with this... I've told countless other girls the same thing... the websites, the "advice", the "mentoring", the countless books.... none of it amounts to damn thing, really... all you really need to get by on in this lifestyle is common sense, and if you are short on that, then you have no place here.

T.R.



Dustyn -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/2/2006 4:02:40 AM)

What is all this noise about training, anyway?  Training to do what, catch frisbees in mid air?  Bark on command?

I mean, really, human beings coax, cajole and browbeat other human beings, but training is best left to animal handlers.  Do what you are comfy with, up to and including experimentation.  Beyond that, it's all personal preferences on how things should be done around that person.  Only 'training' a submissive needs is to learn how to bellow a safeword, if possible, or otherwise convey the need to stop right then and there...

- Dustyn



givemyall -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/2/2006 4:20:39 AM)

oooh and I was getting so good at balancing a ball on my nose whilst catching a fish thrown from 5 metres.[:D]

Does this mean that i've been wasting my time? 



Arpig -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/2/2006 4:56:35 AM)

Who trained the first dom?
I find this emphasis on "experience" to be somewhat bizzarre...."I have been at this longer, so I am better......" crap!
There is nothing wrong with a pair of novices getting involved in this life style, remeber, there is no right or wrong way to do BDSM, there are right and wrong ways to do the individual acts and activities, but no right or wrong way to live the life you want.
Enjoy and have fun, because that is the whole point of it anyway.



rapture2778 -> RE: novice training a novice? (5/2/2006 5:32:35 AM)

i say do whatever makes you happy...i think the "bonding" experience that you will both go through learning together would be well worth it....and i "applaud" you for wanting to go through this with him, i know a lot of subbies who would never consider a "beginner" for a Dom, that it makes them "less" of a Dom or something!  i don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you both stay educated and don't try anything "harmful" without first knowing what you are doing....best of luck to you both!!!  and have fun! that's what it's all about anyway!!!



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