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Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 6:29:34 PM

SoSexyAlmostEvil

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Joined: 12/21/2010
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I was recently invited to speak in front of a sexuality class at East Carolina University about being a masochist and my lifestyle choice of being a slave.

I am expected to speak for 20 to 40 minutes on this particular subject, and although I am not really nervous about speaking in front of other people, I am nervous that what I have to talk about wouldn't be informative or interesting.

What would you say about being a masochist/slave in this particular situation? Do you feel that there are any aspects to the lifestyle that are often misunderstood or frowned upon, and need to have a little light shed on them? What do you feel would be important to highlight in this situation?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. :)

Post #: 1

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 6:45:24 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Do you attend this university?

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Post #: 2

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 6:51:38 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Why did you get into this?
What are the hard parts? What are the pros and cons?
What kind of person makes a good slave? A good Master?
If you do decide to get in the lifestyle, what are some of the people to avoid, and to connect with?
Anecdotes.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 3

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 7:05:36 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

what kind of play do you enjoy and also diffrentiate the diffrence between the play and sex. describe the mind set before the event. how it feels to enter subspace what subspace feels like. it may help to write down all the ideas on a note card and discuss each one it will go on for quiete some time, then answere questions. i enjoy answereing questions to the vanila folks i am also in the army so i get alot of questions on it and i always answer them i find it helps me focus on who i am and further serve my Mistress

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LadyPact

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Post #: 4

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 7:09:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

When I have done some small talking on the subject, I focused on what was commonly misunderstood where I was speaking. While these may not be the same for your location, I present some for your consideration.

1. That I don't expect anyone to do what I do, that I don't think submission and male lead relationships are the natural order or anything - that this isn't a lifestyle that contradicts feminism and that people of both genders and both sides of the kneel/lash are involved in making things equal. Basically: that this is how we run our relationships, we don't expect the rest of the world to run this way.

2. The risks that kinksters take, having children removed in divorces, etc.

3. Various cultures who have used pain as part of cleansing and religious rituals.

4. The numerous safety proceedures, rules we put in place to police ourselves, how people in the community have researched risk/reward of various activities.

5. The difference between abuse and a healthy power dynamic.

6. I also complied a list of books for further reading in case people were too embarrass to ask questions in class but wanted to learn more on their own.

7. Another thing (depending on your audience and you know them, not me) is to bring in some not-so-scary toys. Don't demo them but just let people handle them and see them. That, IMHO, either goes well or badly so use your own judgment.

Anyway those are the things the pop into mind and in no particular order. Use what you can, hopefully it's of some help. :-)

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/10/2011 7:10:17 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SoSexyAlmostEvil)

Post #: 5

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/10/2011 8:35:06 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I would never speak about my sexual choices in front of any group.

However, I do love the OP's screen name, fabulous.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:09:36 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'd want to know why your professor is hell bent on outing you.

Do expect that every guy in the class, and all the rest who hear about it will conclude you're promiscuous and available to any and all. You may need to carry pepper spray to get the drunks to back off.

Don't talk about your life. Talk about boring stuff. Compare enjoyment of pain sexually to enjoyment of pain in food. Ask how many like hot and spicy foods. Ask them why since it makes their nose run and their eyes water. Ask them if enjoyment of pain in this manner should not be sufficient for them to be called masochists. Ask why it's acceptable for people to torture themselves and others with food but why it's wrong if it's the sense of touch instead of the sense of taste. Start them thinking. Don't titillate them.

Although, drunk college guys being what they are, I wouldn't recommend it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 7

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:47:13 AM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoSexyAlmostEvil
What would you say about being a masochist/slave in this particular situation? Do you feel that there are any aspects to the lifestyle that are often misunderstood or frowned upon, and need to have a little light shed on them? What do you feel would be important to highlight in this situation?

Hello, OP!
1) Emphasize that what you are saying is your personal experience. Explain not everyone lives it like you and if you can, give examples of other people you know whose reactions and preferences differ from yours.
2) I think the whole lifestyle is misunderstood and frowned upon, and 20 to 40 minutes wouldn't be enough for you to explain it all. Please consider explaining that a dominant (though sadistic) is not inhuman and a submissive (though punished) is not sh*t. Also, you can say that this is not just kinky sex, that this type of violence is not nonconsensual or disrespectful, and that it involves trusting (REALLY trusting) someone else to the point of offering your control to them. I think you should focus on that, but there's too much to talk about!
3) I insist, if it is a sexuality class, highlight your personal experiences. Include preparations and aftercare too, and your mindset during the whole experience, not only play (this, I'm assuming you are a slave because you said "masochist/slave").
Oh and tell us how it went!

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to SoSexyAlmostEvil)

Post #: 8

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:52:08 AM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'd want to know why your professor is hell bent on outing you.

Do expect that every guy in the class, and all the rest who hear about it will conclude you're promiscuous and available to any and all. You may need to carry pepper spray to get the drunks to back off.

Don't talk about your life. Talk about boring stuff. Compare enjoyment of pain sexually to enjoyment of pain in food. Ask how many like hot and spicy foods. Ask them why since it makes their nose run and their eyes water. Ask them if enjoyment of pain in this manner should not be sufficient for them to be called masochists. Ask why it's acceptable for people to torture themselves and others with food but why it's wrong if it's the sense of touch instead of the sense of taste. Start them thinking. Don't titillate them.

Although, drunk college guys being what they are, I wouldn't recommend it.

Oh god, OP! God! If that sexuality class is YOUR class, at YOUR university with YOUR classmates, do as DesFIP says! Better yet: don't accept! You have a right to do so!

< Message edited by CherryNeko -- 1/11/2011 11:53:51 AM >

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:53:01 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Celeste,

The OP said invited, not talked into or "twisted my arm into". Hell bent implies a great deal more than an invitation. They certainly didn't say that this would be outing them. They very well could be already be out.

Also, the OP declined to say if it actually is their class and their professor.

BTW, are you ever going to show me where I said that people should change in that thread?

Much love,

Aqua

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/11/2011 12:05:37 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:54:14 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

You might also include that some DOMINANTS are Maso and some subs are Sado. Your enjoyment of different sensations doesn't dictate your station in life.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 11

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 11:59:43 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherryNeko

Oh god! God! If that sexuality class is YOUR class, at YOUR university with YOUR classmates, do as DesFIP says! Better yet: don't accept!

Oh for goodness sake....

If the OP, who knows the class better than us, feels uncomfortable or that they would be mocked or attacked, than no they shouldn't do it.

However, the times (yes more than once) that I spoke to my classes about BDSM and the lifestyle (in the bible belt) were met with thoughtful questions. People didn't agree with me but I certainly wasn't attacked, hit on, molested, threatened, or in any way troubled.

Now, I'm not saying that the OP should do this. I'm saying that to assume one way or anything when you don't know shit about this class is silly. So, OP, the humble opinion of someoe who has done exactly what you are about to do: Take realistic stock of the situation. If this is your class, you've seen and heard them talk in class. If you are uncomfortable, gracefully withdraw. I know that it's scary but it can also be really fulfilling.

Just do what is right for you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 12

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 12:02:31 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Grr.... People didn't always agree with me. Hard to edit on the iPad.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 12:04:23 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

Let them know the difference bewteen reality and fantasy.Be realistic with them,The pros and cons of this lifestyle.Let them now there is a difference bewteen real life and what they may have seen in the movies.... If you do go to this college,just becareful.After all,these are people you could be seeing in your classroom or down the hall.Hope they are an open minded bunch of people... If you dont go to this school and will probaly never see these people again,then who cares really.I have been rather open with some people about my life.Not everyone of course.However,honestly,most people Ive known have the "live and let live" additude.I cant say I could just go in front of a classroom for 20-40 minutes in front of a bunch of people.I understand what you mean though,how to keep the debate going for 40 minutes.Dont want to run out of things to say.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 1/11/2011 12:05:18 PM >

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(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 14

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 1:21:19 PM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Oh for goodness sake....

If the OP, who knows the class better than us, feels uncomfortable or that they would be mocked or attacked, than no they shouldn't do it.

However, the times (yes more than once) that I spoke to my classes about BDSM and the lifestyle (in the bible belt) were met with thoughtful questions. People didn't agree with me but I certainly wasn't attacked, hit on, molested, threatened, or in any way troubled.

Now, I'm not saying that the OP should do this. I'm saying that to assume one way or anything when you don't know shit about this class is silly. So, OP, the humble opinion of someoe who has done exactly what you are about to do: Take realistic stock of the situation. If this is your class, you've seen and heard them talk in class. If you are uncomfortable, gracefully withdraw. I know that it's scary but it can also be really fulfilling.

Just do what is right for you.

Yes, I agree with you, but yet... I wouldn't want to offer this open advice to someone whose classmates are going to be there when he speaks about his lifestyle.
It would be safer if it were just a little group of people, and enough time for him to answer all of their questions satisfactorily.
However, in the university they told him how many minutes he could use, so I don't think it will be enough for answering everyone's questions satisfactorily. If people are confused, it can get nasty for the OP.

OP, please be careful with this.

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 4:45:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Uhh... Neko?

quote:

I am expected to speak for 20 to 40 minutes on this particular subject, and although I am not really nervous about speaking in front of other people, I am nervous that what I have to talk about wouldn't be informative or interesting.

They did not tell him how many minutes he can use. They told him how how long they expect him to speak, which is 20-40 minutes. I highly doubt that any university class lasts any less than 45 minutes. Most of mine were more like an hour or an hour half at the shortest and three hours at the longest. So 20-40 minutes tells me that A) he probably isn't the only speaker so there will probably be a question round at the end or or B) that there is going to be plenty of time for questions.

Furthermore, are you aware of the climate of this university? Again, I have done this. On more than one occasion. There was never a single problem.

I'm not saying that there couldn't be one. But that to assume that there will be on such a grand scale? Just seems like a huge overreaction and ignoring what is in the OP - that they aren't nervous.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CherryNeko)

Post #: 16

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 5:59:35 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My daughter is at one of the top private universities in the nation. However it's in an insular rural area and draws a lot of insular rural types to it. Additionally she's an equestrian. Even back in high school, here in a suburban town only two hours from Manhattan she's had the dubious pleasure of climbing off a horse, stinking to high heaven and had crude comments thrown at her and her friends because they were in britches and high boots.

At her university, she gets hit on hard by guys who won't take a no for an answer for no reason other than she's relatively urban and outspoken in her outlook and who confuse unashamed with promiscuous. Freshman year, she was obliged to deck the captain of the lacrosse team when he wouldn't leave her alone. Controlling a 1200 lb horse gives you upper body strength.

I can't imagine that someone speaking frankly about desires that are very rare wouldn't cause trouble. Now if the op is at NYU then I take it all back. But Texas A & M? I wouldn't recommend it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 7:14:18 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoSexyAlmostEvil

I was recently invited to speak in front of a sexuality class at East Carolina University about being a masochist and my lifestyle choice of being a slave.

I am expected to speak for 20 to 40 minutes on this particular subject, and although I am not really nervous about speaking in front of other people, I am nervous that what I have to talk about wouldn't be informative or interesting.

What would you say about being a masochist/slave in this particular situation? Do you feel that there are any aspects to the lifestyle that are often misunderstood or frowned upon, and need to have a little light shed on them? What do you feel would be important to highlight in this situation?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. :)

Ok, first thing, Go Pirates! (ECU Alumnus!)

Now, when We have spoken to a sexuality class, We first talked about all the things you talk about with a newbie. The concept of consensual and how everyone involved must consent for it to be acceptable. Hit on the concept about the difference between BDSM and abuse (one has positive intent and effects, the other negative). Show some informative books, like "SM 101" and "Screw the Roses". If you want, delve into relationship dynamics. Discuss negotiation and informed consent. Discuss safety measures usually taken in the community such as Dungeon Monitors. Talk about safewords (even if you might not use them).

Then, talk about what SM does to the body chemically. Adrenalin rush, etc. etc. Talk about what SM can do spiritually (site SM-like rites such as with the Hindu Thaipusam and the Sun Dance of Native Americans). Talk about how some people are wired to find pain sexual. Show some basic toys and explain how they feel... and pass them around!

All that should fill up your time.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to SoSexyAlmostEvil)

Post #: 18

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 7:18:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My daughter is at one of the top private universities in the nation. However it's in an insular rural area and draws a lot of insular rural types to it. Additionally she's an equestrian. Even back in high school, here in a suburban town only two hours from Manhattan she's had the dubious pleasure of climbing off a horse, stinking to high heaven and had crude comments thrown at her and her friends because they were in britches and high boots.

Good for her. That's one of how many universities in the nation? Hint: Different places have different enviroments.

By the way, the OP tells us what university if you read it. :-)

quote:

At her university, she gets hit on hard by guys who won't take a no for an answer for no reason other than she's relatively urban and outspoken in her outlook and who confuse unashamed with promiscuous. Freshman year, she was obliged to deck the captain of the lacrosse team when he wouldn't leave her alone. Controlling a 1200 lb horse gives you upper body strength.

That is unfortunate for her. You and she should be talking to the school. She's paying to be there, she should be safe. I don't know why you aren't or looking into a transfer for her. She won't deal with that at every unversity.

quote:

I can't imagine that someone speaking frankly about desires that are very rare wouldn't cause trouble. Now if the op is at NYU then I take it all back. But Texas A & M? I wouldn't recommend it.

Again, if you read the OP you'll find the university is listed Celeste. It's actually in the very first line. About word 14. It's not Texas.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Public speaking about my lifestyle choice - 1/11/2011 9:36:40 PM

SoSexyAlmostEvil

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/21/2010
Status: offline

Wow, thanks to everyone for all of the advice and feed back! I hadn't expected to get so many replies.

To answer a few questions: No, I do not attend this university, which means no, I am not in this class. I actually attend a community college in the same city.

I am already out, everyone that knows me, including my mother and friends, know that I am a masochist.

Thanks to the compliment on my name :)
And I wish I had more time to reply.

I will definitely let everyone know how it went.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 20

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