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ORIGINAL: sansa

i've been in this lifestyle for a little less than 7 years now. During that time, i've had Masters, both online and in person. The first was a good fit. We explored together, learned together, and made mistakes together, and in the end, i wanted to serve no Other but Him. It was not to be. He met someone and wanted to explore with her, to see if she was the one to make His life complete. We parted ways and i became very active in my local community. i'd go to munches and play parties. i met my next Master in our munch group and was with him for several months. In the end of that one, we discovered we were just too different. He didn't want "forever" and i did. He wanted a play thing and i wanted a partner. So that ended on friendly terms.

The next two were online and no part about them was ever real. Neither respected the fact that i am a human being. i was, first and foremost, a slave and when they wanted new girls, they added them, f*ck my feelings about the particular girls they wanted to add. Oh well. They're gone from my life and that's that.

i'm now back with the first again. We're exploring our feelings for one another and while i've issues with trust and uncertainty now, i'm taking it one day at a time, working myself into truly becoming His, body, heart and mind.

i'm telling you all of this for a reason. It's taken more than 6 years to get to where i am today. i've had many experiences along the way, both in real and online. Not all were good, but all were necessary to bring me to the place i am now. i'm Owned, in real, by the Man i've Loved with all of my heart for almost 8 years now. We're working on our relationship outside the bedroom/outside the lifestyle, and that's all i could ask.

Give yourself time to learn. As others have said, don't go rushing into a D/s relationship without knowing what you're getting into first. Find a munch group in your area. There's a website where you can do just that, it's called Caryl's BDSM Page. Google it and when you get past the first page, look for "Meet People" on the left hand side. Click that and then click Groups and Contacts, choose your location, and find a real, live group to contact. Learn when and where they meet for their vanilla munches. A munch is just a gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting, usually a restaurant (hence the name munch, or meeting over lunch as it was originally coined to represent). Most groups i know try to get a private room in the restaurant so they don't have to police themselves as much and can discuss (repeat Discuss, not play) the lifestyle with one another. You can expect staff from the restaurant to be in and out from time to time, but that's about it.

When you've become comfortable with the group, start inquiring as to whether you'd be welcome to attend any of their parties. Learn the group's requirements for attendance, their rules while at the parties (most state any who are observing must be quiet and any who attend may not bring and/or consume alcohol or drugs), and what expectations are for attendees. Attend as a single, unattached person, and just watch. Once you're comfortable with approaching someone, start playing as a single, unattached person.

You may be surprised what you'll find you enjoy when you start playing with members of your community. i know i sure was surprised to learn i actually enjoy impact play, when properly warmed up. You may also find your Master within your local community. You may not, but it is possible.

Just be sure to take it slowly and remember you will never stop learning.

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ORIGINAL: CherryNeko

quote:

ORIGINAL: sansa

i've been in this lifestyle for a little less than 7 years now. During that time, i've had Masters, both online and in person. The first was a good fit. We explored together, learned together, and made mistakes together, and in the end, i wanted to serve no Other but Him. It was not to be. He met someone and wanted to explore with her, to see if she was the one to make His life complete. We parted ways and i became very active in my local community. i'd go to munches and play parties. i met my next Master in our munch group and was with him for several months. In the end of that one, we discovered we were just too different. He didn't want "forever" and i did. He wanted a play thing and i wanted a partner. So that ended on friendly terms.

The next two were online and no part about them was ever real. Neither respected the fact that i am a human being. i was, first and foremost, a slave and when they wanted new girls, they added them, f*ck my feelings about the particular girls they wanted to add. Oh well. They're gone from my life and that's that.

i'm now back with the first again. We're exploring our feelings for one another and while i've issues with trust and uncertainty now, i'm taking it one day at a time, working myself into truly becoming His, body, heart and mind.

i'm telling you all of this for a reason. It's taken more than 6 years to get to where i am today. i've had many experiences along the way, both in real and online. Not all were good, but all were necessary to bring me to the place i am now. i'm Owned, in real, by the Man i've Loved with all of my heart for almost 8 years now. We're working on our relationship outside the bedroom/outside the lifestyle, and that's all i could ask.

Give yourself time to learn. As others have said, don't go rushing into a D/s relationship without knowing what you're getting into first. Find a munch group in your area. There's a website where you can do just that, it's called Caryl's BDSM Page. Google it and when you get past the first page, look for "Meet People" on the left hand side. Click that and then click Groups and Contacts, choose your location, and find a real, live group to contact. Learn when and where they meet for their vanilla munches. A munch is just a gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting, usually a restaurant (hence the name munch, or meeting over lunch as it was originally coined to represent). Most groups i know try to get a private room in the restaurant so they don't have to police themselves as much and can discuss (repeat Discuss, not play) the lifestyle with one another. You can expect staff from the restaurant to be in and out from time to time, but that's about it.

When you've become comfortable with the group, start inquiring as to whether you'd be welcome to attend any of their parties. Learn the group's requirements for attendance, their rules while at the parties (most state any who are observing must be quiet and any who attend may not bring and/or consume alcohol or drugs), and what expectations are for attendees. Attend as a single, unattached person, and just watch. Once you're comfortable with approaching someone, start playing as a single, unattached person.

You may be surprised what you'll find you enjoy when you start playing with members of your community. i know i sure was surprised to learn i actually enjoy impact play, when properly warmed up. You may also find your Master within your local community. You may not, but it is possible.

Just be sure to take it slowly and remember you will never stop learning.

I feel confused. If he left in order to explore with another girl, why are you with him now? I understand the trust issues, but I just can't picture myself forgiving someone who left. Have you forgiven him? and if you are still trying, what is your motivation? Is it that you two know each other pretty well? I just had to ask, it may seem horribly nosy to you, and I apologize in advance, but I felt identified to an extent, and as much as I try, I can't picture myself giving it another try. Not with him, not ever again.

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ORIGINAL: sansa
i'm with Him now because i understand the reasons why He did what He did back then, and it wasn't because He didn't want me. And yes, there are trust issues, partly because of how we parted years ago, and partly because of the events during the time we spent apart. i've lived with Him now since April 2010, we lived together as friends until Christmas day, when He claimed me as His. He has issues to overcome before He can truly accept He does have feelings for me, which show through in all He does, but last night He responded to my "love You" as He went to lay down with "Love you" in return. It's the first time He's said that to me, ever.

We're making progress as a couple, both in lifestyle and in our "vanilla" lives. It's going to be slow going but i'm willing to accept that. i Love Him...He is my heart...and i just cannot give up on that.

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Whatever happened to hanging out/dating?

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If he left in order to explore with another girl, why are you with him now?