RE: Why?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Why?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 3:26:41 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

This article may help you understand: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2010/08/19/of-never-feeling-hot-the-missing-narrative-of-desire-in-the-lives-of-straight-men-reprinted/

I wish more men would learn to be like this. There's nothing I like better than a man who knows how to actually offer himself, and nothing I like less than a man who claims to be submissive but still expects to be the consumer and the viewer (eg, I have to be "packaged" for HIS pleasure, not him for mine). There's a lot more about your profile that says you and I aren't compatible, but in this aspect you're the perfect male property and a very good example for others to learn from.

By the way, fascinating article. Thanks for posting.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 5:45:55 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The article was great. However I don't get the feeling that he knows what it is to be sexually desired by a partner of his choice.
What sets off my 'gaydar' is the sense of preening. I see this in the young guys coming to Fire Island for the first time. They strut and sashay and show off the goods for the ego boost. I'm not saying this is good or bad, I'm just saying I've only known it in gay men. And presumably that sense of vanity does not attract too many women, dominant or otherwise.

Most women don't want to be with a man who is prettier than they are and his profile screams that he is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 6:53:28 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A serious review, by someone who spends time with gay men, Drag Queens and is a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence (a mostly gay male organization):

The thing a man is going to do is go through your pics first, so let's talk about them.

Pic 1: It's the gold lamé jacket. Seriously. It may not actually BE gold lamé, but it looks like it. Totally gay, unless you're Sha Na Na.
Pic 2: You're wearing a pouch, which is also classically gay male model/dancer attire here. The only thing that would be more so would be a jock strap.
Pic 3: A cock pick. Gay/bi men LOVE cock pics ('cause guys are visually oriented) and so, if they've browsed through the first two, now they really want you. Once a guy looks at the first two pics, the third will convince them to contact you.

Other points:
Fabian is an effeminate male name in the States. Effeminate names are often adopted by effeminate men in the gay culture.
It's also the way you stand... in many photos, you're striking poses that, once upon a time, went with Sinatra and Fred Astaire, but in modern times are usually used by gay models.
You don't specify your sexual orientation in your profile, unless We've missed it.

All that combines such that you present as gay, or at least bi.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavefabian)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 7:36:40 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

I'm good with pretty, and I'm extra good with guys who like women but are hot enough to give sexy "bottom signals" to a top predator in the same way that gay men do. Most of the guys who do this are gay, so I'm usually shit out of luck because it's not aimed at me. That makes it particularly nice when I see a hetboy who knows how to do it.

In short, if he wants to attract a woman wired the same way I am, he's actually doing it right. If he's looking for the more typical femdom, then you're right, he needs to tweak some things. I admit, my wiring is weird and genderbent, and probably more like a gay man's than it is like a typical woman's.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:10:02 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavefabian

quote:

that maybe it's you who's in denial

Focus.

Please!!!!

Ummmm...., so that's a "no"?

While I can never prove it one way or the other (nor need or desire to), it leaves me to choose between your denial or my own instincts, intelligence and the alround street smarts developed through personal life experience....

Total no-brainer! I've posted a number of times that everything a person does or says, including reading between the lines and obvious things they omit to say (like being straight, for eg) is an insight into the *real* them.

And when their words contradict their actions or what's there for all to see...., errrr..., let's just agree that I have no personal interest or investment in continuing.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to slavefabian)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:27:37 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

In addition to agreeing with the previous posters, this sounds like you have more issues than playboy to me.

quote:

I simply cannot function in a vanilla relationship, thus would much rather be whipped as a wild black buck slave subsequently kissing my great White Deity's shoes in gratitude, than the lips of any black girl ever to live.

There is a better way to say, I tend to be primarily attracted to caucasian folks. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to slavefabian)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:31:39 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Hm, Focus50 does have a very sharp mind, and LNT is attracted to fabian, and I do get the impression that he is submissive rather than slave, and I have just now taken a look at his photographs, and I do notice that he has not yet added that he is straight and not interested in males to his profile, so maybe there is something to Focus50's suggestion.

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Why? - 1/11/2011 8:43:31 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

I agree that you have a good profile for a Domme [other than race play is a hard limit to me and I'm betting a lot of lifestyle Dommes], but the teddy-boy uniform and pose would likely attract the gay dudes: I would say, don't wear hair gel, guy-liner, rings/bling/jewelry or shiny suits.
If you want to dress up, wear a fabulously cut, and matte, tuxedo jacket,

(in reply to Rule)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Why? - 1/12/2011 12:39:59 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
Hm, Focus50 does have a very sharp mind, and LNT is attracted to fabian, and I do get the impression that he is submissive rather than slave, and I have just now taken a look at his photographs, and I do notice that he has not yet added that he is straight and not interested in males to his profile, so maybe there is something to Focus50's suggestion.

Maybe. My being attracted to a guy is only good gaydar a small percentage of the time. There's other traits that attract me besides that ability to be an object of desire rather than a pursuer, a trait that gay and bi men frequently have and purely heterosexual men overwhelmingly lack. My secondary partner is (alas) purely heterosexual, albeit genderbent enough to be able to relate to my own gender-bentness. He does not have the ability to be an object of desire, though he is learning. He does have other traits that interested and attracted me. Basically he's pretty, genuinely submissive, nerdly in most of the same ways I am (hardcore gamer geek, etc) and quite brilliant. And stone cold heterosexual.

The OP has none of the other traits that do it for me, and beyond that surface attraction, we'd be a lousy match. Basically, if you write for a peer reviewed journal, you'll keep up with us just fine and we'll have plenty to talk about. If you at least read peer reviewed journals, most likely we can find something to talk about. If you don't know what a peer reviewed journal is, you probably won't understand a damn thing we say to each other or get any of our jokes. Not a good fit for my poly family, even assuming he was poly in the first place, which I don't think he is. So no matches happening here; I have no personal stake in this thing.

Basically there's one single thing I find very attractive about the OP, and that is the ability to be a passive object of desire. I like the fact that he preens and primps and makes himself pretty in order to be seen as more desirable. That's a great attitude for a submissive man, IMO, much more submissive than a guy who calls himself a sub but who clearly doesn't give a shit what he looks like or go to any effort to make himself desirable or sexy or pleasing to a woman's eye.

So kudos to him, I really think he is doing that much right. Other people's tastes may vary, but for my tastes, he's tuned in perfectly.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Rule)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Why? - 1/12/2011 5:55:27 AM

WhiteCobra

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline

I agree

< Message edited by WhiteCobra -- 1/12/2011 5:57:47 AM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Why? - 1/17/2011 3:26:54 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Your profile screams gay guy to me... and I mostly hang with gay leather guys...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to slavefabian)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Why? - 1/18/2011 12:52:23 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

quote:

SexyBossyBBW:
In addition to agreeing with the previous posters, this sounds like you have more issues than playboy to me.

From slavefabian's profile: "I simply cannot function in a vanilla relationship, thus would much rather be whipped as a wild black buck slave subsequently kissing my great White Deity's shoes in gratitude, than the lips of any black girl ever to live."

There is a better way to say, I tend to be primarily attracted to caucasian folks.