New Trend? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> New Trend? (1/11/2011 11:54:47 AM)

I'm hoping that someone can explain something I see occurring more and more on these forums.  

I've been doing this thing for a very long time.  I'm active in My local community.  I do not consider Myself to be out of the loop.  Yet, I am seeing this one thing happen on the boards more and more and I really need someone to explain where on earth it comes from.

What is with this deal of *submissive* males referring to Dominant women as "girls"?

Now, I get that not everybody is a protocol person.  That is a separate issue.  I don't expect anybody to be using honorifics to people who just happen to be on a message board or anything like that.  At the same time, how in the world can people be so out of touch?

Since this is a discussion board, lets' discuss it.

As a Dominant woman, do you want to be referred to as a "girl"?

Do you know any other Dominant women personally who want to be referred to as a "girl"?



LaTigresse -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:00:21 PM)

I do not want to be referred to as a girl, largely because, at age 48, I am many years beyond childhood. Girl, to me, is a female child.

LadyPact, either I am getting testy with age or you are rubbing off on me because I find myself more and more protocol minded. Seriously, if anyone, male or female wants my attention in a positive manner, (unless they are considerably older than myself) girl is not a word they should use with me, about me.



Wickad -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:06:17 PM)

(fast reply)

Another vote for the 'don't call me girl' group.

I really don't like being referred to as a child and I let those who try know my feelings on the topic. I've wondered about this myself and can't seem to come up with a logical reason for it. Maybe it's a generational thing - not sure.

Wickad



Miyani -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:12:12 PM)

FR

Don't ever, ever call me "girl." It's the quickest way to ensure I never have any interest in you. Of course, I won't call a submissive male "boy" until I know him, and we have the sort of dynamic in which that's appropriate.

I've noticed the same trend, LP, although I've seen it almost entirely in the 18-25 set, very young brand-newbies. I'm hoping it's just a question of them no knowing any better (although that's sad enough), as opposed to a purposeful slight. If I see it in someone I'm talking with, I do my best to correct it. Sometimes they get it, sometimes I "need to stop taking myself so seriously."



LadyNTrainer -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:15:12 PM)

Call me a girl and we're done.  You've just demonstrated that your mindset is that men are men and women are little, immature, unimportant, powerless, incompetent and childlike.  You probably can not relate to adult women as human beings.  You're looking to relate to someone who is basically a fetish object to service your manly desires. 

In short it's a huge red flag for an attitude and mindset that I can't and won't relate to.  If you wouldn't call an adult male dominant a boy, don't call an adult female dominant a girl.  Those terms are only appropriate if you are casting that person in a powerless, childlike or dependent role while you assume the adult powerful role, eg, for a submissive.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:22:37 PM)

~FR~
 
I refer to myself as "girl" even though I'm 40 ("I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl"), and to my female friends as girlfriends (not to be confused with my s-type girlfriend).  I will, occasionally and usually when I'm being goofy, call someone else "girl" as in "Girl, you know that's the truth," or "Oh no you didn't, girl!" 
 
It doesn't bother me unless someone is calling me "girl" in a manner/tone that is obviously intended to be derogatory.  It's sort of like calling someone "honey" when you're friends or at least friendly enough to be playful on a message board vs. calling someone you don't know and with whom you aren't well-acquainted "honey" or using the term to be condescending.



Reform -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 12:54:50 PM)

~FR~
I call my boy "boy" and he calls me "girl." I do not identify with the term "woman," or at the very least, I have had a very tenuous relationship with it. So calling me by what I am, a girl, fits a lot better for us. Of course, in certain circumstances he calls me by other honorifics (Lady, etc), but "girl" is the default. I am on the younger side of things, so who knows when/if that preference will change.



Focus50 -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 1:25:24 PM)

Seems a reasonable point (from a domme perspective) as I address my sub as "girl" in the everyday, in and out of a protocolled dynamic. If I'm peeved at her, I actually use her given name - THAT's when she really knows to get her "Sir"s spot on....

When Clint Eastwood's talking down to someone in one of his movies, he invariably calls them "boy". It's a provocative power thing, where either the other party mans up or knuckles under. So yeah, calling a domme "girl" is totally inappropriate from subs ("trend" or no trend) - or intentionally provocative.

Focus.



AAkasha -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 1:32:37 PM)



If a guy is just referring to femdoms (in general) as "girls," I see that as a lot less of a problem than a man referring to femdoms as "Goddesses" or "Ma'ams." It's an unfortunate word selection but I don't think it's conscious. I think for any man under the age of 30, it's probably just the language he's using with peers. I don't think it's intentional and meant to be condescending. I think if pointed out to them, most would not even recognize that there are some safer alternatives.

Are mature, dominant men offended when women refer to them as "guys,"? As in, "I am having trouble meeting dominant guys in my city."

Now, a man calling a woman directly to her face, "girl" -- well, that's a different story. As in, 'Hi girl, how are you?"

I think it's more a reflection of age, culture, etc. I try to not take offense when guys in their 20s or friends of my younger nieces and nephews use a term like "girl" (ie, "Do you and your girlfriends go to the beach a lot" vs. "Do you and your lady-friends go out to the beach a lot"), or an older teen/early 20s guy says to me, "I didn't know many girls like you in high school," -- that's flattering. Bring it on :)

Akasha



LadyNTrainer -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 1:58:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are mature, dominant men offended when women refer to them as "guys,"? As in, "I am having trouble meeting dominant guys in my city."


"Guy" doesn't have the same "underage/immature" denotation that "girl" does.  The equivalent term here is "boy", not "guy".  And yes, a femsub saying "I am having trouble meeting dominant boys" would be told that part of the problem might be that she isn't respecting them as grown men. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 2:24:06 PM)

If you are a submissive male vying for a fem dom's attention, "girl" is not a good word choice. My girlhood is a distant memory. My female friends and I might refer to each other as girls, but men don't get to share that.

Cranky Old Hib



AAkasha -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 2:36:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are mature, dominant men offended when women refer to them as "guys,"? As in, "I am having trouble meeting dominant guys in my city."


"Guy" doesn't have the same "underage/immature" denotation that "girl" does.  The equivalent term here is "boy", not "guy".  And yes, a femsub saying "I am having trouble meeting dominant boys" would be told that part of the problem might be that she isn't respecting them as grown men. 




Makes sense, but what is the female equivalent to "guy" -- is it "gal"? Because I hear "guy" all the time, but no one ever uses "gal."

Akasha



Need4Squeeze -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 3:53:30 PM)

This made me smile...

Luckily I was aware of the hatred of the term 'girl' within this scene, before I joined the site.
I must confess 'girl' has always been my general word to use when describing or discussing Females: I saw this girl, I met a girl, this girl reckons that, she's a nice girl...
I've certainly never considered it an insult. I love, worship and adore Women... They're my favorite kind of people.
My other term is I often use is 'chick'. Some might think it is cheeky or rude but I've always thought it a cute term of affection: that chick is hot, that chick is nuts, what's up with that chick?

Anyway, now I'm always very careful to use the correct terms (with a capital letter). 'Woman' is fine to use but I don't know... it dosn't seem very affectionate or colorful. I prefer 'Lady'. Even though some Women around here act nothing like the classic 'Lady' it's still a more 'fun' word to use.

Ladies, I'm new here and just being honest... please don't kill me.   [sm=bury.gif]



Daddysredhead -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 5:01:53 PM)

~FR~

I can understand each point of view that has been discussed so far. If a submissive male writes to me and refers to me as a "girl," I get riled. It ends up in a delete/block from me. I only had one refer to me as a "girl" in person and that didn't end nicely (I had an educational moment with him). Neither of my two submissive females ever referred to me as a "girl" in a way that was disrespectful. (One once told her vanilla sister that she was going out with 'the girls' for the evening, when a group of us were going to the club.)

As a woman who has grown up in the South, the word "girl" doesn't strike me funny at all. I hear it every day and it's a term of endearment from most people in my world. I refer to other women as "girls" and it it perfectly acceptable. Most men in my world refer to me as a "girl" and I am fine with it. There have been a few who have said it with a tone that was condescending, and I corrected them.

As to the use of "gal," I actually use it when saying "girlfriends" or "lady friends" doesn't sound right. It's those times that I use the term "gal pals."

~ Red




DesFIP -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 5:34:33 PM)

I thought it was just the really young ones who were doing this. The ones who aren't out of college, but hopefully are out of h.s., and are just looking for someone to have kinky sex with. The ones who want an experienced girl of their own age, usually 18 or 19. And haven't read anything other than porn.



kalikshama -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 5:43:28 PM)

quote:

Makes sense, but what is the female equivalent to "guy" -- is it "gal"? Because I hear "guy" all the time, but no one ever uses "gal."


I've heard "gal" used in the Mid West and South.

IMO, "girl" and "boy" are equivalent and neither should be used for Dominants - quick screening tool for y'all.

I "go out with the girls" and have "girlfriends" but wouldn't want a casual acquaintance to use "girl" to me in the singular.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 6:38:00 PM)

To Us, in this lifestyle, "girl" has a specific connotation, much as "boy" does. "girl" doesn't suit or fit Us. "girl" suits Our slavegirl. There's even a "girl pride" flag and a "girl" movement started years ago by Sheryl D.

In every day life, We don't much like it either, though, it is usually ok in slang terms, such as, "I'm just one of the girls," or, "Wait, I gotta do the 'girl thing' and fix my makeup/hair!" If We're referring to a group of women, We usually use "Ladies".

Now, with Our Sister V'Gina personal, "girl" is simply referring to someone who is putting out feminine energy. It applies to the Sisters as well as some gay men and some lesbians. It's used at the same level as "she" and is generic... but then, so is "bitch" :-)

Master Fire



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 9:39:22 PM)

I haven't noticed it a lot, except when younger subs are referring to the your femme's profiles; but I don't recall having been called a girl in a long time, except by my brothers and cousins when they want to yank my chain for fun.  

I agree with just about everyone, that it's unacceptable for me, even though I'm not big on protocol.  M



lurch999 -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 10:09:55 PM)

You have to treat broads classy or they have a tizzy; they are wicked emotional.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: New Trend? (1/11/2011 11:00:56 PM)

LOL
You know you can only say that from the anonymity of the net. [:-]   M



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