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Is this normal? - 1/11/2011 2:16:16 PM

TwiztedRune

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Socially, I am submissive.
In relationships, I am entirely possessive and dominant.

Also, what does this mean? Is there a word for my kind so I can do more research? xD

< Message edited by TwiztedRune -- 1/11/2011 2:17:24 PM >

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/11/2011 4:13:30 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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When you say you are "socially submissive" what do you mean by that? There's a difference between being quiet and reserved and submissive.

Also, please explain by what you mean by "dominant in relationships." Do you mean you want to be the person in control, making day-to-day decisions, giving instructions you expect to be carried out or do you mean you want to be the person who is responsible for managing the household, cooking the meals, and taking care of your mate?

If you are reserved in social situations but you want to be in control and make the decisions in a relationship, you're probably dominant. However, there is a submissive archetype I call "the butler" or "the seneschal" that looks very dominant but, in reality, everything is done in service to and at the instruction of another. In other words, how you see yourself will determine whether you are submissive, bottom, switch, etc.

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/11/2011 6:31:05 PM

MasterFireMaam

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It means that personality type doesn't define Ds or Ms role. We know many reserved, quiet, introverted Masters... and brash, outgoing, gregarious slaves.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 1/11/2011 7:01:47 PM >

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/11/2011 8:57:56 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztedRune

Socially, I am submissive.
In relationships, I am entirely possessive and dominant.

Also, what does this mean? Is there a word for my kind so I can do more research? xD

How 'bout "introspection"? Otherwise, I'm confused as to what you're confused about....!?!

Profile says you're a 22yo domme. I immediately default to my personal prejudices that one so young couldn't possibly have the life and lifestyle experience to match what you've written. ie, a rhetoric of lifestyle buzz-words - which means I believe you really are about 22. lol So far, so good.... And you're sexually dominant. Yeah, ok, no problems there, either....

So what IS your problem? I'm thinking your general lack of life experience has you thinking that identifying as a dominant means you have to fulfill such expectations in all areas of your life, such as socialising. Many fem/subs (for eg) tend to think that male dominant equates to alpha-male, and it's just not so - that one has nothing to do with the other.

Ok, I'm a male Dom and socially quite outspoken and opinionated etc - but one has nothing to do with the other. And I'm no alpha-male - though I am the independent loner type whereas an alpha-anything requires a following or audience to validate themself. I'm quite content to just fit in with a group for as long as it suits my needs and I don't even mind if someone needs to be alpha within it. At least, up until they get pushy towards me - then it can get real ugly, real quick.

Or are you saying that that same alpha in the same circumstances would cause you to be submissive? If it's a fear of physical harm, that's just not the same animal as willingly submitting.

I think you can't research what you wanna know because the answers lie within you. It's about you discovering your true self and being comfortable with who you really are. Dominants don't need an alpha type public persona to validate them; it takes just one submissive to do that.

Focus.

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/13/2011 9:00:50 PM

SthrnCom4t

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I would ask 'why' you claim to be submissive, possessive, and dominant? These descriptors mean different things to different people, and while I can place my own definitions, they wouldn't necessarily match up with yours. What is the driving factor behind the behavior for you?

Example - some people are "possessive" because they are insecure about having something they value taken away. Other people may be "possessive" because that is their way of expressing protection.

Also remember - "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine". :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztedRune

Socially, I am submissive.
In relationships, I am entirely possessive and dominant.

Also, what does this mean? Is there a word for my kind so I can do more research? xD

< Message edited by SthrnCom4t -- 1/13/2011 9:01:48 PM >

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/13/2011 10:04:46 PM

WestBaySlave

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As odd as it may sound, I've met many submissive dominants just as I've met dominant submissives. Most people are a mix of traits and often opposing characteristics express themselves in different circumstances. It's only a conflict if one side interferes with the other.

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/14/2011 9:45:30 PM

cloudboy

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Word: Introverted

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 4:03:38 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztedRune

Socially, I am submissive.
In relationships, I am entirely possessive and dominant.

Also, what does this mean? Is there a word for my kind so I can do more research? xD

A lot of those who are dominant in relationships seem to think that they should be dominant in all other spheres, too. That's always somewhat mystified me.

Pfft. Not remotely necessary for this sub's purposes, anyway.

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 5:16:38 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

However, there is a submissive archetype I call "the butler" or "the seneschal" that looks very dominant but, in reality, everything is done in service to and at the instruction of another.

Ooo, this could be me. When I googled "seneschal", I got all vanilla stuff (as I expected), and still nothing useful when I added BDSM.

Can anyone point me to more information or help me construct a better search string?

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 7:34:29 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

However, there is a submissive archetype I call "the butler" or "the seneschal" that looks very dominant but, in reality, everything is done in service to and at the instruction of another.

Ooo, this could be me. When I googled "seneschal", I got all vanilla stuff (as I expected), and still nothing useful when I added BDSM.

Can anyone point me to more information or help me construct a better search string?

No, you should be reading the vanilla stuff. Then apply it to a service-oriented submissive position. If you really need a kinky example to wrap your head around it, think Chris Parker from The Marketplace.

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 8:03:46 AM

kalikshama

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Sent a sample of The Marketplace to my Kindle, thanks!

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 8:29:07 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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This link is from a site dedicated to SCA personae, but it fits very well. You might enjoy it.

http://sandradodd.com/ideas/seneschal1.html

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Sylverë
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30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 5:38:06 PM

kalikshama

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I have accomplished NOTHING this afternoon thanks to you, the Kindle, and the Marketplace X_X

The only reason I got out of bed was a burning desire to find out the secret about Chris Parker.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/15/2011 5:39:15 PM >

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RE: Is this normal? - 1/15/2011 6:18:03 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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My work here is done. (Shhh...no one tell her there are 4 more books in that series.)

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 1/15/2011 6:20:35 PM >

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Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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