RE: Married partners

RE: Married partners (Full Version)

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denika -> RE: Married partners (5/1/2006 9:33:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it. How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? My first question would be.. Does their spouse know about the relationship?? If it's no then no way, it's cheating on line or rt makes no differemce. In a healthy relationship all parties enhance each other. I'm involved as a bottom with Knight of Mists, He has two slaves and I am married. We are lucky in that the dynamic we have works for us, we are all friends and can spend time together without worrying about jeolousy, but we are also poly freindly and our relationship is real life not online. Some people may think online is harmless, a simple fantasy but it can cause alot of damage to a relationship especially if secrets start being kept. denika

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Married partners (5/1/2006 10:13:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it. How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? Although I don't do the online collaring. I wont become involved with someone who is married unless I personally confirm that their spouse is aware of the situation and has no issues with it. Marriage is a very sacred thing to me and built on trust and I personally will not be a party to someone violating that trust. If someone can not be trusted by their spouse why should I be able or willing to trust them? Nika{Phoenix}

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Married partners (5/1/2006 10:21:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveladyj Going to go the opposite here of everyone else. My bf knows of my online dom, knows of the things I do, and is completely fine with it. In fact he assists me, and my dom is mentoring him in dominating me too. slaveladyj, The fact that your b/f knows is the catcher for most. Phoenix and I are soon to be married. He knows I am very much a switch and seeking a submissive/slave. I am very upfront with everyone I speak to about that relationship and invite them to speak with Phoenix as well as myself. In my opinion the issue "most" have is when the spouse or partner does not know that their spouse or partner is sneaking around with a dom/domme, submissive/slave. Nika{Phoenix}

RumpusParable -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:12:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it. How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? i don't go for purely online relationships normally, so this rarely comes up, but my generally rule is that all parties must know. they don't have to be involved, but i'm not going to be in a situation where i or my partner have to do a lot of dodging and sneaking to carry on or risk massive drama down the road. as to how much the married relationship affects ours, i can only speak from an in-person point of view so i'll stop here. :)

bekah78 -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:34:43 AM)
I am very lucky that I have a husband who supports and encourages me to continue to stay as active as possible in D/s. We tried learning together but he quickly found it wasn't something that he enjoyed participating in so the relationship became an open one. I have had a successful relationship in the past with a wonderful Dom for 2.5 yrs until He moved too far away. And two other relationships that we are still friends with both couples. I have always encouraged anyone who wanted to know me to also talk and meet my husband so that hopefully the lines of communication would stay open between all parties. So far this has worked for us but if at any moment I thought my marriage was in trouble or that my husband felt slighted, I would have to end the D/s relationship and focus on my husband.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:41:27 AM)
Its a difficult one. Personally, i dont feel id be any good at playing second fiddle to anyone. I deserve to be number one, the one that comes first. So, id have to decline the on line infidelity thing. Im a believer that online partners, would detract from the energy that should be coming my way, and visa versa. And where can it all go? Without someone getting dreadfully hurt?

ServiceNTucson -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 1:17:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it. How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? I wouldn't have a problem with being owned by a married Domina, as long as her husband knew about it and approved. He and I would have to know each other too. I DO have a problem with the whole concept of being involved with a Domina "online" if this means that online is the only connection we have. There has to be face to face (or face to, umm, whatever) time, regularly. Otherwise, we are not, in my opinion, "involved" with each other.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 3:27:43 AM)
quote: How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? I have, once. And I insisted that her husband know all about me. That relationship lasted over two years, she lived in England and flew over once to spend a couple of weeks with us, the next time they both flew over and spent time with us. We're still the best of friends and I absolutely adore both of them. I think together we made her marriage stronger. Now they explore the lifestyle together. *Jewel*

SirCumsSlut -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 4:30:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross http://www.collarchat.com/m_298084/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#298084 collared when married to others http://www.collarchat.com/m_194066/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#194066 poly and the secrets from extended family Thank you LuckyAlbotros maybe these will help put an end to repeat questions on the boards

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 5:55:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirCumsSlut Thank you LuckyAlbotros maybe these will help put an end to repeat questions on the boards They won't and they shouldn't :) Old links aren't meant to stifle new thoughts and connections, moreso to create/access a resource of perspective and thought. Although it is hopeful that they will see the links and think to look for older threads next time to get more information and refine their questions next time.

rapture2778 -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 5:58:05 AM)
i really believe "to each his own" and can only comment on how i feel personally about the situation....but i see marriage like i see a collar, it is a commitment to another person....with that said, if it is an "open" relationship and the spouse is more than ok with it, no harm done (this i believe is VERY uncommon!) for me, i don't do it...before (when i was "single") and i would be approached by a married Dom, i would simply say "no thank you"...because in a way i see that as him being disrespectful to his wife, and i wouldn't be able to submit to a man that i believed intentionally did disrespectful "things"....and as others have mentioned, the "drama" just isn't worth it!

cloudboy -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 6:44:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1 Its a difficult one. Personally, i dont feel id be any good at playing second fiddle to anyone. I deserve to be number one, the one that comes first. Im a believer that online partners, would detract from the energy that should be coming my way.....And where can it all go? Without someone getting dreadfully hurt? Where "can it all go" when you expect two people to be everything for one another?

Proprietrix -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 6:55:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? I don't do the online thing. As for the married thing, it's a no-go. If someone is married, I go even beyond their spouse knowing or approving, into also seeking to be involved with me. The last thing I want to be is a home-wrecker. If they are looking as a couple, that's fine. Otherwise, I really don't have time for someone already married.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:12:43 PM)
TallDarkandWitty.... I was being sarcastic...the married sub male was the one that was shocked that a Domme would have morals. I know quite well that many Dom/mes have morals. I don't recall anywhere within My comment that I judged any Dominant that does see married clients. It was My opinion, regarding whether I would do so. In fact I repeatedly used I and Me. Not quite sure where You saw Me taking the high ground there or being hypocritical. Perhaps it simply was a miscommunication.

OnyxGoddess -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:22:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: genvieve Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it. How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how? I will only play with a married person IF the other person knows and consents. If they don't -forget about it. No trying to pull a fast one because when we set up a meeting the spouse HAS to be there otherwise it's a no go. No online stuff.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 12:25:56 PM)
quote: Isn't a cuckold a married man?? Yes a cuckold is a married man, one that is being cuckolded by his Wife typically with his knowledge. Far different from someone going behind their spouses back to engage in BDSM without their knowledge and agreement. note: This was in reply to MontaukDaisies and not Luckyalbatross wrong reply button engaged. My apologies in advance.

genvieve -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 2:58:52 PM)
~continues to read~

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 4:49:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck I was being sarcastic...the married sub male was the one that was shocked that a Domme would have morals. You have my most sincere apologies. I misunderstood the meaning of your post, and withdraw my comment... Unfortunately, the attitude I spoke of is not unknown in this community...though I am quite pleased you do not share it! Taggard

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 5:10:04 PM)
quote: You have my most sincere apologies. I misunderstood the meaning of your post, and withdraw my comment... Unfortunately, the attitude I spoke of is not unknown in this community...though I am quite pleased you do not share it! Taggard Taggard, Most humbly accepted and appreciated, Thank You. Although I can see how it was not quite clear that I was quoting the married sub. Understandably, I too have experienced that same attitude and see your frustration in that a community so open minded would still be judged at times by others, both from within and outside it. It was never My intention to do so nor will it ever be. As My quote says, Be who you are and say what you feel; those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --- Theodore Geisel Thank you again; it takes a Man of great character to apologize both publicly and privately as You have done.

Dustyn -> RE: Married partners (5/2/2006 5:18:21 PM)
can it cause problems... yes... can crossing the road cause problems... yes... anything can get fuckered up with almost no effort... I've fuckered up a lot fo things in my life by doing absolutely nothing... LOL granted, I don't personally think monogamy is all it's cracked up to be.. but that's just me.. .dun expect anyone else to agree with me... do what you think is right nad move on... - Dustyn

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