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LadyAngelika -> RE: a sheep in Wolf's clothing (10/9/2004 8:29:15 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Suleiman
Males are capable of being incredibly brutal to each other, and part of that brutality revolves around any perception of or admission to weakness. You can see it in the BDSM community - more often online than in real life - whenever a self proclaimed "Dom" or "Lord" denegrates a male submissive. This is conditioned into us at a very early age, and is a behavior that is nearly impossible to unlearn.
Yes, it’s the bullying technique. When it looks different, makes you uncomfortable, goes against your instincts, then fight it with all your might.
When I witness a male Dom denigrating a male sub I usually remind the Dom that he would be a wimpy wuss compared to the boy if he were subject to some of the same torture and humiliation. In fact, you average garden variety Dom couldn’t last five minutes in a sub’s shoes.
When talking about the ego, “the bigger they are, the harder they fall”.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Suleiman
To show weakness is to make yourself a target for many forms of humiliation and even actual physical assault. It very literally becomes a matter of life or death to us. Men will refuse to go to the hospital because they can not bring themselves to admit that they are hurt.
It is interesting because here in Québec society (this little place I call home), there is a tendency towards a very matriarchal model, not a pure matriarchy but much more so then what I have witnessed in other societies. There are a multitude of reasons for this but essentially it’s because there is a reformed view of the family and marriage in this province that is not founded on religion or patriarchal tradition which is a result of the Quiet revolution which took place in the 70s. I wrote about this a while back here.
L’homme rose, directly translated to “The Pink man” or Flimsy man is a common character in this society He is the man who essentially submits to his wife’s wishes, needs, schedule, etc. Much has been written on this topic in French but here is an article about it in English. I’ve actually had male friends visiting me from elsewhere commenting on how a whole generation of men here seemed “pussy whipped”. Perhaps we are one step away from being the next OWK ;)
I talk a lot with a friend of mine who is a counsellor at a local Céjep (the step between high school and University here) and he tells me that the situation is such that young men here have a huge problem asserting themselves, their needs, their desires and all of this results in misplaced aggression. It affects these boys in all areas of their lives, especially when deciding what kind of career or future they want for themselves. Some submit to the dynamic and others rebel against it but it always seems so very extreme.
Now as much as a society of men catering to the needs of women is a very seductive little fantasy, I’m not fond of the idea of people having their needs, desires and person oppressed by the leading societal discourse.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Suleiman
This somewhat uncomfortable bit of introspection aside, whenever a person is exposed to some sort of behavior, especially a behavior that seems to be pleasurable to the person engaging in the behavior, there is a natural human tendency to become curious, and to try and emulate the behavior. Men often enter the world of BDSM thinking that they are dominant, but after a certian amount of time, thy observe that the subs are having as much - or in some cases MORE - fun than they are, and this observation begins to haunt them. They are unwilling to give up the character armor of domliness (although it can be coaxed off of them if you have the patience of a saint and are willing to go through an incredible amount of bullshit with this person) but they want to try it and see what all the fuss is about. Frequently they will sabotage this experiment, and then convince themselves that they simply aren't submissive. Thus, their curiosity assuaged, they can return to being dominant secure in their invulnerable manliness.
I think that hits the nail right on the head as well. It is overwhelming to always be “on”, to always be “on top”. Even if our true nature is dominant, we need to sometimes let ourselves be taken care of by others. Some of us will express it in a D/s fashion whereas others will do it differently.
We are all human and all “need” at one point or other in our lives. And it is important to express that need and be comfortable with it.
- LA
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