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RapierFugue -> RE: Dominantless (1/15/2011 3:08:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Sigh....I'm single again.
I want to be in love before I submit. That's important to me. I can't submit to just any dom on the block. But I don't want to fall in love with a man who can't take my submission.
I'm not fond of the thought of finding someone here, on the other side of CM. Been there, done that, and yuck. I know a couple of people in "the community" here but all that has resulted in is being hit on.
No real question here, I suppose, that anyone can answer. I'm just verbalizing, wondering how it will all work out.
Your post has had me thinking, on and off, all afternoon. There was a time, not so many years ago, when the desire to “play” (and how I despise that term, but it’ll do until something better comes along) was so strong in me that, if it didn’t matter that there wasn’t any form of emotional or intellectual bond, then the voice inside was at least shouted down by other parts (of my brain, before anyone gets funny). I can’t claim “shock of the new” as a cause either, as I’d been “doing BDSM" for some 15 years previously, so it wasn't that I craved it as a novelty, merely (I think) that I felt I wasn't somehow complete without it. As I seem (or so I'm told, I'm not aware of it myself) to have the ability to ... shall we say, “impress” girls fairly easily (or at least, a significant enough proportion of them to be noticeable), I didn't ever have long to wait in order to feed that particular craving.
I don't fall in love easily – it’s not something that generally happens quickly for me either. But, having been lucky enough to have experienced it a few times, as part of a BDSM-based relationship, and my previously ravenous libido having calmed itself to something approaching normal human values, I now don't seek the “casual” anymore. It’s not that I think it’s wrong, or inferior, or somehow less, it’s more that (having thought it through) I don't think it’s really me. I’m a fairly intense individual (in a good way, or at least I like to think so, though of course that may just be self-delusion), and the degree of connection and intensity I enjoy most can only (in my experience, although I accept I may not be wholly correct about this) be found within the confines of a relationship, albeit a BDSM-focussed one. Doesn't have to be love’s young dream, doesn't have to be a commitment for life, but it has to mean something more than just a roll in the hay.
Previously, the need to play would override my desire for something deeper, but (having had a 2.5 year relationship end very sadly a few months ago, and one that I hoped might prove lasting too) these days I truly am happier being alone than seeking solace in rather transitory “scenes”. It’s a bit like burgers for me; when I was very young, a burger was the pinnacle of culinary excellence. However, as one grows, matures and tastes of more delights, it takes a special kind of burger to excite me – I'm not anti-burger, I'm just not fussed about inferior burgers, and left to my own devices would rather have steak tartare. As I just have (the food, not a euphemism for anything else).
PS: Obviously, if some fit, gorgeous young thing messages me this evening promising a single night of delight I’ll abandon my standards without a second’s thought, but I felt it reasonable to give my 2d-worth before that became the case [;)]
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