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tonkababy -> Still learning to submit (1/16/2011 8:17:47 AM)
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Hello,
I am a newly collared, well about 5 months now, slave. I live with my Master and it is a 24/7 choice for us. A little background on me. I am 38, I have two children who don't know about the lifestyle. They live with their dad. I work in the medical field. I am a military brat spent time in the Navy myself. As with most subs I have met I was abused as a child. It is part of who I am or ahould I say who I became, I am not ashamed of it. I am bipolar which of course lends it own share of challenges to the relationship.
I can be mouthy and have mastered the Glare, which does not serve me well in this position. I am head strong, the women were the strong ones in my childhood. So for me to submit it is sometimes a struggle. I struggle with always putting him first and accepting his judgement as law. It isn't that I don't trust him. It is just I keep comparing him to past relationships (none of which were BDSM relationships) and how things went wrong or how they hurt me. I know it isn't fair to hold the past against him especiall when it isn't his fault it isn't the past he did. Does that make sense?
Anyway so my Master is actually my first love from high school. We found each other again as adults. He has always had a strong personality and tendencies. I knew this going in. Anyway it took me 18 months to decide I would move if he would be my master. We had talked and we saw each other before this. He was the first guy I willing wanted to give my self to in high school and the only one I would be willing to submit to on a 24/7 basis. So why do I struggle?
Anyway that is a little about me and us I guess and I am just looking for advice and words of encouragement to help me be the best I can be in serving him and making him happy because of course when he is happy I am happy
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