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Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/3/2004 11:09:59 AM

Whipenrod

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

Dear subs/slaves...I have had this problem from time to time, and I didn't have any answers at the time--perhaps there are answers here.
I have had some subs come to me for sessioning, and they have a very strong fetish.

One was into foot worship. One wanted to dress up. One wanted to be tied up. One had a CB2000 and wanted a key keeper. For the most part, none of these individuals was into pain or could describe roleplaying incorporating their fetish--they just wanted their fetish fullfulled.

I don't know if I am griping or need some direction--but in all cases, no
one could come up with ANY alternative form of play to be included in the session in which I could take more of an active part. I tried being creative, but it wasn't working the way I wanted it to.

I think what I'm doing is opening up the discussion to ardent fetishists to consider the Domme in the session--where does it leave her?

Any ideas?

--Lady Whipenrod

< Message edited by Whipenrod -- 10/3/2004 6:03:26 PM >

_____________________________

"I can resist everything except temptation."
--Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

Post #: 1

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/3/2004 11:39:55 AM

magiqual

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I think what I'm doing is opening up the discussion to ardent fetishists to consider the Domme in the session--where does it leave her?

My first instinct is to say "out in the cold".

However, there has to be ways to open the door to activities You enjoy as well. Perhaps (if this doesn't seem manipulative), the fetish is a "reward" that comes near the middle of a session -- I remember talking with a sadistic Domme who would find out someone's fetish and use it as a reward as they took pain from her. She said it was an amazing thing to have a man beg her to turn another wrap of rope around his already over-stretched balls just so he could kiss her feet again.

Play it right, and their fetishes could become the ultimate cocktease.

- magiqual

P.S. Disclaimer: I'm not "an ardent fetishist", though there are some things that turn me on mightily (so I may be overlooking those people who will accept nothing but their fetishes.) In my case, my "fetishes" also involve the participation of someone else (I love it when trapped in a predicament and she who did the trapping says "you asked for this" and gets wet herself watching me struggle.)

< Message edited by magiqual -- 10/3/2004 10:00:04 PM >

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 2

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/3/2004 8:41:47 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

In the case of the key you could explore losing the key or giving it to someone or some other group of people. Make a show of freezing it, mailing it to yourself, etc. You don't have to actually give it away but could talk about doing so. I think the dressing up could also be done in front of a window, facing possible exposure. Pictures could be taken and displayed. In both cases it would be adding an extra element of risk for him and give you something to do.

Not sure if these are things you have already considered or done.

Foot worship has always seemed kind of dull for the Domme. I don't really know how to perk that up. But he could polish all your boots. You wouldn't have much to do but all your boots would be shiny.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to magiqual)

Post #: 3

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/4/2004 4:50:51 AM

alwayzron

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:

Foot worship has always seemed kind of dull for the Domme.

It depends on the likes of the Domme. I've known Ladies who can't stand having their feet touched. I've known Ladies who go into orbit with the proper attention to their feet.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 4

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/4/2004 8:34:37 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I have had some subs come to me for sessioning, and they have a very strong fetish.

I'll be the odd one out here but, if I am going to pay someone to whip me, whatever. I want to do what I want to do period. If I'm paying I am the Domiant in my mind. I'm merely playing with my toy in whatever fashion I want to.

I know my opinion is not the popular one.

However, the ideas people gave you sounded as though they might actually help. You could take some sort of stand and say, well I am the Dom here. That means we do what I want to do, and yes if you are being good perhaps we can do what you want to do as well. However, taking that risk may mean losing a few clients as well. Then again, perhaps those you lose you may not want anyway if they are boring you. The ones who stay, you will be able to explore with.
It is an idea anyway.

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 5

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/4/2004 9:23:00 AM

magiqual

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

Y'know, as long as we're talking about commercial transactions, maybe she needs a sign that reads "We reserve the right to refuse service."

- magiqual

P.S. The companion to that sign might be "No Shirt, No Shoes ... ("No service" crossed out)...Take off those pants."

< Message edited by magiqual -- 10/4/2004 9:26:37 AM >

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 6

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/4/2004 7:53:52 PM

Whipenrod

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I'm getting some ideas--thanks!
Sub4hire and magigual: I'm not a pro as yet--hopefully, when I get there I'll have figured this one out. Yes, if a client wants to worship my feet for the entire hour, he will have all of my feet that he needs, of course! (Perhaps I'd get a wonderful manicure by someone who really cared)

My need was to make the session a good one for both me and the fetishist--I wanted a win-win, if possible. I have nothing against fetishes (I have a few myself) but I needed more ideas to round out the scene. It makes me think of a Dom or Domme as a 'playground program director' who always has fun ideas about what games to play.

Is it that some subs or slaves are not as creative or imaginative? I can't believe that--but maybe some people are so close to their fetishes they can't see the big picture?

_____________________________

"I can resist everything except temptation."
--Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

(in reply to magiqual)

Post #: 7

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/4/2004 8:22:25 PM

EStrict

Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

Hi Whipenrod,

I also believe a lot of this has to do with what kind of relationship you have with the submisissive. If the *only* thing that gets him hard is sucking your toes, and YOU want him to service you that way,,, well, then of course what he desires is important.

Then there is the factor of slave vs sub. If he has agreed to allow you the choice of what and when (not just when), then you get to chose the *what*.

As far as the *pro-domme* aspect, I agree with Gloria... though paying for session is not something for me, *if* I pay, I chose more specifically what *can* or *cannot* be done.

Honestly though, that's true of dom/sub relationship also. A submissive gives *limits* and if the *limit* is *this is my only fetish and the only thing I want*, it's the dominants choice to say ok or no.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 8

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/5/2004 1:11:54 AM

Sundew02

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

I will be even the odder person out. IF I consented to have one of these males in my home, and all it involved was work for me, why would I bother? I already have a full time job. D/s is my relaxation, my lifestyle and my joy. I would never give up the control to a male, control is what makes me the Domme and him the submissive. If all the Domme is there for is to stroke his fetish, then the power is definitely in his court.
Since you are not receiving monetary compensation for you time, WORK, and expenses, what is in it for you? The males coming to you must realise that they is using you. Unless you enjoy this situation, find a full spectrum submissive and enjoy having your needs met and using him. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 9

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/5/2004 5:43:32 AM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

That's true Sundew... if there is no compensation, beit emotional, physical or monetary, then it does seem pretty one sided which is a little unfair. Unless Whippen is looking at it like a learning experience.

I'll be honest, the instances of men wanting a particular fetish and nothing else disturbs me a little because it seems to be a common complaint on this board.

When people ask me "what are you into?" i always have to stop and think because what i'm into is D/s, which engulfs many things. My needs are being fulfilled by doing what i'm told, whatever that may involve.

I guess we're not all the same though and i shouldn't judge, but then again, it's a nother example where completely different ideas are somehow being represented by the term BDSM. It seems to me fetishists such as Whippen despcribes would have very little to do with the whole dynamic of bdsm.

*shrugs*

sns

_____________________________

*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to Sundew02)

Post #: 10

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/5/2004 9:47:06 AM

magiqual

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whipenrod

Is it that some subs or slaves are not as creative or imaginative? I can't believe that--but maybe some people are so close to their fetishes they can't see the big picture?

As a rule, those who are all about their fetishes are also really new to BDSM.

There's a progression: letting someone play with your fetishes is letting go of a teensy bit of control. Letting someone play with your fetishes and, say, administer a spanking (or eye-contact restriction, or speech restriction, or a collar, etc.) is letting go of a little bit more. As someone gets deeper into submission, the negotiations (and the lists of "do"s and "don't"s) become shorter.

The pros who I know say their clients skew towards the married and the fetishists, with a fairly strong bias toward the latter. They find it refreshing when they get to play with someone who's much more relaxed and open about their submission (and this probably happens outside their clientele.)

- magiqual

P.S. I like to joke that developing your submission is like 50's music:

First, you're seduced by the Sensations
Then you open yourself to the Temptations
Until you find you're with The Four Tops

< Message edited by magiqual -- 10/5/2004 9:51:42 AM >

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 11

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/8/2004 8:19:59 AM

yobai007

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

My Ladt whipenrod,

Your question regarding where the Domme comes in is quite valid. Perhaps many submissives fail to realize that while they may have a strong fetish it is the pleasure of the Domme that should come first and if she is pleased and experienced by all means she will probably be able to provide satisfaction for the submissive in her own way and her own time during the session. In order to make a Domme/submissive realtionship work both participants need to eliminate the practice of topping from the bottom.

Again so much of this comes from experience and from "Knowing your partner". I does get better as time goes on.

Yobai

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 12

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/8/2004 1:36:33 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Have you considered the idea of using their fetish as a Reward? Come up with a list of things YOU consider to be fun. Then use their fetish as a way to reward them for proper service to you. Sounds like a win/win to me, and it keeps you (the top) in a position of authority.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 13

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/25/2004 9:00:53 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

Well, you could demand that they all attend at the same time, then you will only be bored for a short while - grin.

Regards

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 14

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/25/2004 9:15:46 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

Sensibly though, and I have a uniform fetish tied into the roleplay, though it is more important for the lady to enjoy the scene, than that I see her in uniform.

I am an extreme sensualist, so I fit in with practically anything a Domme can dream up, and I have yet to be turned down where the wearing of a uniform is concerned - though this is not a sexually-orientated play garment; this is a made-to-measure uniform, styled in whatever manner the Lady desires.

I also try to find a uniform that she will be able to use with other slaves or submissives, so that it is not specific to me, and so is of general use to her household.

I accept the term fetish, since there is an element of sexual turn on for me, when Nanny or Matron puts me OTK for a pleasure spanking.

Though it depends upon whether or not the Lady is wearing the softest of her cotton aprons, there is a special sensuality, that combines with the touch of hand on my bottom.

I agree with other writers, that the fetish should be part of a mutually enjoyable scene, and, should be done as a reward.

Regards

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to Whipenrod)

Post #: 15

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 10/29/2004 9:45:44 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Have you considered the idea of using their fetish as a Reward? Come up with a list of things YOU consider to be fun. Then use their fetish as a way to reward them for proper service to you. Sounds like a win/win to me, and it keeps you (the top) in a position of authority.

This is what I do. Anyone who isn't willing to do anything for ME isn't worth my time. Let them go pay a pro. I'm a Domme, not a public service.

Also though, I do not hook up with fetishists unless I share that fetish. Too often someone with one thing on their mind doesn't bother to concentrate on the other person. They are just there to get their rocks off.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 16

RE: Fetishes: Where Does the Domme come in?? - 11/1/2004 4:19:27 AM

LadyBtheFirst

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

sub4hire I may be uninformed here but what makes you assume that you're replying to a Pro Domme? You're paying, fine, your call - nothing wrong with being a Pro Domme, but not every Domme on this board is for hire. I'm with BeachMystress - "I'm a Domme, not a public service" (well said, Sis). Any sub who thinks they can hire me OR dictate to me just because I'm a Domme is going to find themselves dealing with one seriously pissed off person, as many have in the past.

Notice that I used the word "person" - one of the root problems in this thread, and in *ALL* of BDSM - too many people get hung up in the role stereotypes and forget there are *real people* behind ALL of the roles, with real human needs, feelings, and emotions. We'd all do well to remember that more often, especially in session.

LadyBtheFirst

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 17

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