What is a Service Submissive?

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mummyman321 -> What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 6:57:55 PM)
What is a Service Sub? Two different threads got me thinking about this. The "Areas that shouldn't require training" and "A Gentleman, submissive or not". I read a lot of profile and see many statements from Domme's say they are looking for a service submissive or slave. Also in many of those profiles I see things listed like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing dishes, mow the lawn, wash the car, going to the grocery, pulling the chair out at the restaurant for the lady, and the list goes on. The question I am struggling with is this really what you consider as a service sub/slave? I do not even see this as submission. Here is my reasoning. I already do all these things. I see these are normal ever day activities that need to be done. I do them all the time. If I start a relationship with a Domme these do not become magically submissive actives for me. They are simply tasks that need to be done and I have no problem doing them. I do not see them as acts of submission. I posted this in the "Ask a Mistress" forum because I am specifically seeking responses from the Dommes/Mistresses but anyone can answer if want. So here is the question for the day: "What do you consider as a service submissive?"

hausboy -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 7:04:01 PM)
Here's a thread that has some of those things addressed... http://www.collarchat.com/m_3220900/mpage_1/tm.htm

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 7:15:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy Here's a thread that has some of those things addressed... http://www.collarchat.com/m_3220900/mpage_1/tm.htm I have read that thread and to me it really does not address the question I have posted here. There are a few reponses about Domestic service. In the search for a partner or sub I just do not see a Domme living for somone to do domestic service. Yes it is nice, but if you are seeking service sub as your partner, then what are you really looking for?

hausboy -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 7:30:35 PM)
I suppose I differentiate then between someone looking for a service submissive vs someone who is looking for someone for a life partner in addition to. I seems like, in that regard, you've essentially answered your own question--someone who is strictly looking for a service submissive isn't really looking for the "whole package" of a person, if the only thing that concerns them is the service part. If you're looking for a partner, like any other characteristic, fetish, or other component to one's persona/essence--there is more to that person than just the fetish. When I was married, our "kink" life was just one piece of the multi-tiered facets of our relationship. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a service submissive--but I have no interest in being someone's full-time, live-in domestic servant if that is the only thing about me that appeals to that person. I've certainly served others with no renumeration or reciprocity with great pleasure--but at no time did I feel that I was simply being used as a "free maid service." I've encountered one or two of those Dommes--they are easy to spot and I choose not to serve them. I have always felt a deep personal connection to the Households that I've been able to serve--they get much more out of it than simply a clean house. I get more out of it than just a long day of work.

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 8:31:11 PM)
No I have not answered my own question. I need to ask this question in a different way. Okay, many times the question is asked what is the number #1 the Domme seeks in a sub. So many response in the forums and in people profiles is Service. So if service is one of leading characteristics a Domme is looking for in a sub, what is that service to you? Do you equate that service to submission?

hausboy -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 8:44:28 PM)
I guess I'm looking at different profiles--I never seemed to run across many Dommes who had that as their number one criteria. I do see Dommes seeking "service oriented" in their list of "wants" but I haven't seen that many that strictly want domestic service and nothing else. As I previously mentioned--if the only thing that makes me attractive to her is that she wants a maid....then I encourage her to go off and find a maid. I need more of a connection for it to be worthwhile for me. Or come to think of it, she can pay for me for professional cleaning services--I've done that before too. I've seen the thread on here before- Service means different things to different people. To some, it is equated with physical service of a non-sexual nature, to others it implies sexual service, and still others it is equated with submission and obedience. And I'm sure to many, a combination of any and all of those. I know plenty of bootblacks and a few fellow houseboys who didn't define themselves as "submissives" but they were all about serving others, including their tops/Dommes/Households. So I don't believe service is necessarily exclusively synonymous with submissiveness but it certainly can be.

Away4Awhile -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/17/2011 9:46:50 PM)
Though I seldom post here this question has intrigued me for some reason. I am pleased to see it because it made me look a little deeper at my own meanings when I declare I am looking for a service sub or slave. If this male is kinked to domestic service I do not find 'his' domestic service to be a submissive act but an act of personal fulfillment that will please us both for differing reasons. Though he would suit me well in the domestic arena if that was his only kink or fetish we would not be a good fit in a monogamous relationship, though he may fit perfectly in my poly world. If the male is kinked to body worship anal sex or you name it...I would not find the acts to be submissive nor to be service oriented. More self serving eagerly awaiting the 'orders' to perform. Role play on both sides. As my experiences and opportunities have formed an ever evolving Woman my criteria has changed so that I understand myself enough to know 'service' is vital in the one(s) I own. My personal expectations. Submission is an act that gets the reaction from my dominance. Cooking a meal because its dinner time is as has been mentioned..simply something that has to be done. Occasionally I even do it myself! Yet to watch my male in the kitchen, naked, smiling creating something special with joy in his heart and me on his mind, watching him set my place at the table and place his stool beside my chair...he will soon be on the cold floor eating a beautiful meal he prepared while I sit above him says submission....this simple act in its raw simplicity feeds my needs and desires to continue to move forward in his trainings rather than take him for granted. His service and submission keep my natural dominance burning. I know he wants to be there because it is what pleases me...he looks up, I look down and respect meets in the middle. I am an almost impossible Woman to serve easily. Yet I am a very easy Woman to serve submissively. If he has chosen me to be the Woman he submits to, his submission will be driven by his need and lust to go deeper. My definition, the ones that work in my home cover every chore that comes up in day to day life as we live it...if I so desire in those moments. I expect a service sub to also be proactive because pleasing me gets the positive reactions that keeps him hard and half crazy. I expect personal services such as full body massage bathing pedicures and manicures just to name a few. If my male carries out these services petulantly or unhappily he is simply doing the acts to get them over with...his submission is misplaced at that time...happens more than 2 or 3 times and I know we are not a good fit. One of us is not inspiring the other. Long story short...for me, service without submission is incomprehensible...in a personal relationship. There are occasions when my sadistic blood is boiling and I expect my male to obediently get into position and take whatever I knew he could survive. In these moments he is serving my needs. His obedience is his submission. and on and on.... service submissive, what a man

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 1:27:22 AM)
quote: What is a Service Sub? To me, a service submissive, is one who will serve to my specifications. one who derives satisfaction, and pleasure from learning what his lady deems as service, delivering it, and doing so with enthusiasm for his accomplishment, and her enjoyment. I won't list what I consider service, because it will likely differ from many other dominants'. IMO, simply service depends on each person's needs. Some dominas, may need you to read and sort through her mail, some will need you to keep the home a-la-50s housewife/all the while being greatful, some will need you as a toy, to endure whatever energy they need to release, etc. etc... Service is unique to each person, so it basically depends on what type you find interesting. Does her description of service match what you enjoy and are willing to do, in order to serve her to the best of your ability? In reference to the above well stated posts, most dominas are not looking for a one trick submissive. I imagine, most expect you to be a reasonably well rounded human being, able to perhaps work part or full time, and come home with the knowledge that your more important role, carries on after you leave work. M

Wickad -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 1:41:17 AM)
(fast reply) (poke - to find with ease later)

allthatjaz -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 1:41:39 AM)
When I was in a position of seeking a male sub, I was looking primarily for someone I was attracted to. For this reason alone not anyone would do. A service sub tended to be included within my household once I had my number 1 sub in place. I have always enjoyed having a mixture of submissive natured men/women around and that includes a service sub but that doesn't mean that my number 1 sub is going to sit on his/her ass all day. Service could be anything from being my chauffeur to doing my laundry to preparing food and serving my guests at a dinner party. I tended to find xdressers and t-girls best for service because they enjoyed what they personally felt was the feminine side of domestic service and they had the ability to just get on with things. Would I have had a deeper relationship with a xdresser or t-girl? sure I would Would I have had a deeper relationship with someone who was my service sub? I'm giving an honest answer here and its no and the reason for that is, when I employed a service sub there had to be no distraction such as attraction. If there had been attraction then things simply would of never got done. A service sub is there to work and doing a good job and pleasing his Mistress/Domme should be enough.

LadyConstanze -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 3:55:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy Here's a thread that has some of those things addressed... http://www.collarchat.com/m_3220900/mpage_1/tm.htm I have read that thread and to me it really does not address the question I have posted here. There are a few reponses about Domestic service. In the search for a partner or sub I just do not see a Domme living for somone to do domestic service. Yes it is nice, but if you are seeking service sub as your partner, then what are you really looking for? I would guess that if somebody is looking for that and specifically states as a partner, that they want to be just pampered that way, somebody who lives his life making the other person happy and enjoys doing those mundane service tasks, you know just really gets his kicks out of doing service and the service is the reward, a bit like a knight who will go and and slay a dragon, move rocks and pebbles out of the way so the fair lady has a smooth path to walk on, or will want to do all the work in the house so she won't break a nail and in general just do everything to make her life easier...

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 4:01:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Away4Awhile Submission is an act that gets the reaction from my dominance. Cooking a meal because its dinner time is as has been mentioned..simply something that has to be done. Occasionally I even do it myself! Yet to watch my male in the kitchen, naked, smiling creating something special with joy in his heart and me on his mind, watching him set my place at the table and place his stool beside my chair...he will soon be on the cold floor eating a beautiful meal he prepared while I sit above him says submission....this simple act in its raw simplicity feeds my needs and desires to continue to move forward in his trainings rather than take him for granted. His service and submission keep my natural dominance burning. I know he wants to be there because it is what pleases me...he looks up, I look down and respect meets in the middle. I am an almost impossible Woman to serve easily. Yet I am a very easy Woman to serve submissively. If he has chosen me to be the Woman he submits to, his submission will be driven by his need and lust to go deeper. My definition, the ones that work in my home cover every chore that comes up in day to day life as we live it...if I so desire in those moments. I expect a service sub to also be proactive because pleasing me gets the positive reactions that keeps him hard and half crazy. Away4Awhile, This is what I was trying to get to. I guess one of the hard things for me is to differentiate where my normal activities end and my submission begins. As I stated earlier, I do not see a simple task as cooking a dinner (or whatever the task may be) as an act of submission. Now change that a little bit and now I am cooking dinner in the buff or a maid's outfit, then there is a submissive portion to it. To me this is an interesting dynamic between being a Gentleman and being chivalrous and being submissive. I am not the submissive who lives to serve. In my work life, I am extremely dominant. I am also a very pro-active type of person meaning I do not procrastinate. So if something needs to be done it gets done. I do not necessarily see what I would term normal service oriented tasks as being submissive. I guess for me the submission here may be much more subtle. Taking a normal task and changing it from your normal way, to a way you know your Domme likes it. This could range from folding the laundy a certain way to putting a choclate on her pillow after you have made the bed. Excellant responce! I love it when replies make me think :)

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 4:12:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz When I was in a position of seeking a male sub, I was looking primarily for someone I was attracted to. For this reason alone not anyone would do. A service sub tended to be included within my household once I had my number 1 sub in place. I have always enjoyed having a mixture of submissive natured men/women around and that includes a service sub but that doesn't mean that my number 1 sub is going to sit on his/her ass all day. Service could be anything from being my chauffeur to doing my laundry to preparing food and serving my guests at a dinner party. I tended to find xdressers and t-girls best for service because they enjoyed what they personally felt was the feminine side of domestic service and they had the ability to just get on with things. Would I have had a deeper relationship with a xdresser or t-girl? sure I would Would I have had a deeper relationship with someone who was my service sub? I'm giving an honest answer here and its no and the reason for that is, when I employed a service sub there had to be no distraction such as attraction. If there had been attraction then things simply would of never got done. A service sub is there to work and doing a good job and pleasing his Mistress/Domme should be enough. allthatjaz, You bring up an interesting point in where a Domme is searching for certain element in a sub and she may have multiple subs for those elements. I was nothing thinking in that fashion. I tend to be more of a one on one person. I was thinking more this is her one sub she is looking for. But it again is an intersting point that I need to be aware that a Domme maybe searching for more than one sub. Or that she may have an alpha sub but is looking for an additional sub who's role is more service oriented.

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 4:34:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I would guess that if somebody is looking for that and specifically states as a partner, that they want to be just pampered that way, somebody who lives his life making the other person happy and enjoys doing those mundane service tasks, you know just really gets his kicks out of doing service and the service is the reward, a bit like a knight who will go and and slay a dragon, move rocks and pebbles out of the way so the fair lady has a smooth path to walk on, or will want to do all the work in the house so she won't break a nail and in general just do everything to make her life easier... LC, This is one of the thoughts that crosses my mind when reading a profile like that. And if I think that is what she is truely seeking I run and hide from that profile LOL. As an example you run across the profile that says "Its all about me, do not even tell me what you want" and then goes on to add all the chores that need to be done. Now this is more of an extreme example but does illustrate a point. Is this what you are really seeking from your submissive partner in life? I just cannot wrap my mind around this as to me that is not a relationship, its a one way street. It may happen, I just do not understand it :) . To me, each person must get something they are seeking out of the relationship for it to grow and flourish.

allthatjaz -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 4:37:43 AM)
The impression you are giving me mummyman, is that you are looking for a relationship dynamic and not simply a gofers job. You desire to please your Domme but you also desire for your Domme to find an attraction in you that could lead to a long term relationship? If a submissive wrote to me and said 'I'm very good around the house. I enjoy cleaning, cooking ironing and all the rest' I may sit up and listen, especially if I was looking out for a service sub. What I wouldn't be thinking is, 'is this a possible number 1 sub. Could this be the man for me'. If a submissive man wrote to me and gave me the impression that he was chivalrous, pro-active and probably most important, that he enjoyed his masculine side (he can enjoy his feminine side too but he would need to be confident as either) then I would be interested in a totally different way. LC mentioned a dragon slayer. I would never think of a service sub as a dragon slayer but I would think of my number 1 sub as a slayer of dragons if that makes sense! You sound like a gallant man and I think this is the part of you that you need to get across to prospective Dommes. Gallant men can still do the housework [;)] but theres so much more to offer than just that isn't there?

LadyConstanze -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 4:50:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz LC mentioned a dragon slayer. I would never think of a service sub as a dragon slayer but I would think of my number 1 sub as a slayer of dragons if that makes sense! The dragons were just an example of the "selfless service", you know sort of the knights who practised the "courtly love" where they would do anything for the lady they loved from afar but never expected to be close to or even to kiss, wearing the colours of her or getting an old glove or button from her was enough. Though maybe in my case if you replace the dragons with spiders, it would be a most welcome trait ;)

mummyman321 -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 5:04:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW In reference to the above well stated posts, most dominas are not looking for a one trick submissive. I imagine, most expect you to be a reasonably well rounded human being, able to perhaps work part or full time, and come home with the knowledge that your more important role, carries on after you leave work. M SexyBossyBBW, Here is an interesting point about work and is really a tangent to this thread but I want to bring it up. I would hope most people see the more important role carries on after you leave work regardless whether you are submissive or vanilla. Providing for family, your loved one, or significant other I would hope is the driving force in one's life. Now work is one of the means that makes you able to provide for your significant other (unless you are independently wealthy, I am not). I have had some very interesting conversations of why can't you just stay home from work today for me?

Madame4a -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 5:13:12 AM)
I did not read other responses -- I'm sure I'm going to repeat something someone said. For me, and me alone, I can say that if I'm looking for something or someone that is only about service, then its likely not to be romantic or sexual. It is also an indication that I expect that person to get their fulfillment from the relationship simply from the pleasure of serving me. In other words, I might not play with you, or do all the many other things I might do in a different situation. A person willing to enter into that situation is rare. Or should be -- and I really don't look for someone like that for the most part. I know it exists, I did have it once. Essentially, the submissive has to be so service oriented that a job well done is all they need in the relationship. as to the bolded blue below -- to me thats a different kettle of fish and altogether a bit harder to deal with, at least in my relationship... this is something that comes up with my boy and myself... she's my butch, my lover, my partner and my girlfriend.. she is however, also my boy... but each one of those people does those things for me -- so how is it different? Well, we have to make it different.. we live togther and have what I refer to as a very blended relationship -- its about where it comes from and how I receive it. Sometimes its just as simple as her saying "my Lady... " when she pulls the chair out and my saying "thank you boy... ".. in fact, that usually works.. :) eta: need coffee before I respond.. 'scuse the typos, at least the ones left quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 What is a Service Sub? Two different threads got me thinking about this. The "Areas that shouldn't require training" and "A Gentleman, submissive or not". I read a lot of profile and see many statements from Domme's say they are looking for a service submissive or slave. Also in many of those profiles I see things listed like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, doing dishes, mow the lawn, wash the car, going to the grocery, pulling the chair out at the restaurant for the lady, and the list goes on. The question I am struggling with is this really what you consider as a service sub/slave? I do not even see this as submission. Here is my reasoning. I already do all these things. I see these are normal ever day activities that need to be done. I do them all the time. If I start a relationship with a Domme these do not become magically submissive actives for me. They are simply tasks that need to be done and I have no problem doing them. I do not see them as acts of submission. I posted this in the "Ask a Mistress" forum because I am specifically seeking responses from the Dommes/Mistresses but anyone can answer if want. So here is the question for the day: "What do you consider as a service submissive?"

LadyConstanze -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 5:13:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 LC, This is one of the thoughts that crosses my mind when reading a profile like that. And if I think that is what she is truely seeking I run and hide from that profile LOL. As an example you run across the profile that says "Its all about me, do not even tell me what you want" and then goes on to add all the chores that need to be done. Now this is more of an extreme example but does illustrate a point. Is this what you are really seeking from your submissive partner in life? I just cannot wrap my mind around this as to me that is not a relationship, its a one way street. It may happen, I just do not understand it :) . To me, each person must get something they are seeking out of the relationship for it to grow and flourish. I'd say making each others life as nice as possible is not a bad thing in a relationship, and if the other person gets pleasure out of just serving, it would be a perfect match. It's not the dynamic you are seeking, but for others it might work just brilliantly, so all the more power to them. Personally, I agree with you, it does look like a one way street but that's because it's not quite the dynamic that works for us, though I do have to qualify it, years ago I had a service submissive, took me ages to get used to it, I felt like I was exploiting him as a cleaner but he kept insisting that he gets pleasure out of doing that, he didn't want play time in exchange, he just wanted to do a great cleaning job for a woman, he didn't want praise, in fact he told me that specifically turned him off, he liked me being around but to ignore him, as his fantasy was to play the "invisible servant/slave", it was quite odd, we talked a bit but he wasn't very forthcoming and to be honest I was a bit leery first but 2 other women I knew vouched for him and filled me in. Took me a while to get used to it and yes, for somebody on the outside it would look as I was exploiting him (I felt like that for a while too) but he was getting his particular fetish fulfilled...

allthatjaz -> RE: What is a Service Submissive? (1/18/2011 5:15:07 AM)
Yep, I kind of get that LC. I used to have a human guard dog who's job was to protect me when we were in clubs. It was great fun because he was a big muscular guy and he was particularly useful when I wished to be unapproachable by the waifs and strays! Other than being my dog, he didn't get anywhere near me and I believe that's what he wanted and certainly what I was happy with. Some submissives never desire anything other than a particular dynamic and that sort of submissive is perfect if your wanting a certain type. One of my all time favorite male subs and one who is hugely sort after is a butler, chauffeur and general dogs body. Because he's been around for quite some time and because other Dommes can clearly see that all he needs is this particular role, he tends to get used well quite a lot. If he had taken up that chosen role with the hopes of something deeper and more meaningful then he wouldn't be anything like as popular as he presently is. I have tried out various so called 'service subs' who clearly desired much more than I was ever going to offer them. They then became disappointed because they wanted more but I always told them, 'when you told me you wanted to do my housework, cooking and ironing and that would be enough satisfaction for you, you weren't really telling me the truth now where you?' and the answer was usually, 'I hoped to please you in other ways too'. One may apply for a position as a cleaner but they shouldn't be disappointed if they remain as a cleaner. If they aspire to be anything more than that then they need be upfront from the start.

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