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RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 6:01:26 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Have been spoiled and it is nauseating.  I just don't enjoy 'things' as some others do.  It was almost burdensome., ok, it was burdensome.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 6:31:23 AM   
preytolife


Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline 		Not at all. I don't believe any of my Doms ever spoiled me...though I did have one that was a complete pushover. Not a good thing. When I hear spoiled I usually think the self proclaimed "brats" who perhaps don't do as much for their Doms as they get back. Still, if it makes them happy. Not something I'd be satisfied with.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 6:38:12 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Based upon what other people are required to "do" in their slavery such as being domestic slaves many times along with working full time, taking care of kids etc, i was spoiled.  My Master determined his home would run more smoothly with a  housekeeper and a nanny for the twins and hired people to do many different services for him.  He didn't need a slave to work for him.

He allowed me to work full time -- not because we needed the money as he never used the money i earned -- but because he knew i enjoyed it.  He wanted different things from me as his slave and he did what he needed to so that i could solely focus on what he wanted from me.  Yes, i did some domestic things and yes i also took care of the twins, but as he didn't want me too tired or exhausted, he hired that which made my life easier so he could enjoy me when he wished.

Was i his princess -- hell no lol.  I was his slave.  He determined what he wanted from me and did what was necessary to have me achieve same.  MANY people would gasp at the fact that he had a slave who pretty much had a housekeeper and nanny.  Did this mean i sat around eating bonbons -- nope, he had a lot of strict requirements of me and it was time consuming to achieve same, he had expectations of my time and while i did have free time, my time really was never my own.

All in all, it worked great for us.  I was his slave but i wasn't his maid or his child care provider.  Personally, i think a lot of people look for "slaves" because they want free maids and child minders.  Even now if i get that vibe someone doesn't get far from me.  I work a damn good job that pays me well, if i wanted to be a maid, i'd have that as a career.

My Master's way of doing things allowed me to simply focus on his pleasure -- whether it was my getting pampered at the spa so my body was pleasurable to him, or working out for 2+ hours to maintain his expectations with regard to my body and how it looked, or going shopping with him so he can outfit me as he saw fit, or eating a meal with him in the way he enjoyed or simply being able to relax while watching a movie not worrying about the laundry or the kids or what needs to be done to keep the house in descent order etc.  I was his slave for his enjoyment, the way he saw it if i was busy trying to maintain his home or worrying all the time about the kids or if the yard needed mowing, i wouldn't be focued on being there for his pleasure as in being free to spend time with him without being exhausted or worried.

He could pretty much buy any service he needed for his home -- but he couldn't buy a slave for his pleasure, that he had to create and allow to exist -- and so he did.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 1/21/2011 6:39:48 AM >

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RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 7:19:10 AM   
LDVixen


Posts: 131
Joined: 11/28/2010
From: Southern CA
Status: offline 		I think I am spoiled. He treats me very well. He doesn't treat me with things often, but the past few weeks he has watched me gaze wistfully at the advertisements for Cavalia. I made the decision to spend my Christmas cash on the DVD instead of purchasing a $65 ticket for the show. Last week, he purchased tickets for the two of us. I was in absolute shock because I never expected him to purchase tickets.

I am not a spoiled girl like a spoiled brat type of way.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 7:58:19 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Wow...I am puzzled to hear about women who feel that being treated well in a relationship means they are "spoiled".

Being treated well is an expectation in any relationship in my opinion, sub, slave, whatever. Being treated well is a mutual thing; otherwise why be involved with anyone??

If you want to discuss being spoiled, it is more about getting lots of "things" which is also ok if both parties enjoy giving/getting.

I find it interesting to hear that women feel that when their partner spends time with them, they consider it being spoiled.

Honestly, I think the best way to be spoiled, is to spoil yourself because you deserve it.


< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/21/2011 7:59:09 AM >

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RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 9:32:06 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: preytolife

Not at all. I don't believe any of my Doms ever spoiled me...though I did have one that was a complete pushover. Not a good thing. When I hear spoiled I usually think the self proclaimed "brats" who perhaps don't do as much for their Doms as they get back. Still, if it makes them happy. Not something I'd be satisfied with.


well that is a huge generalization that you just pulled out of your ass. Just because someone is a "self-proclaimed brat" does not mean they do not put everything they have in serving. If they like bratty girls then that is just one more way to give him what they want. The problem with the terminology is that there are varying definitions.

(in reply to preytolife)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 11:39:22 AM   
hipsterkittyxo


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline 		yes, in food & kisses! bwahahaha! 

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 11:42:58 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~FR to no one in particular

I want to be spoiled in the manner I want to become accustomed too.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 11:48:06 AM   
hipsterkittyxo


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Wow...I am puzzled to hear about women who feel that being treated well in a relationship means they are "spoiled".

Being treated well is an expectation in any relationship in my opinion, sub, slave, whatever. Being treated well is a mutual thing; otherwise why be involved with anyone??

If you want to discuss being spoiled, it is more about getting lots of "things" which is also ok if both parties enjoy giving/getting.

I find it interesting to hear that women feel that when their partner spends time with them, they consider it being spoiled.

Honestly, I think the best way to be spoiled, is to spoil yourself because you deserve it.



I think you're exactly right. And I know from first hand experience how after being in a terrible relationship for years and then being with someone who treats you well, you feel spoiled by the simplest gestures. I don't feel like that anymore though, I got over it after quite some time.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 12:20:23 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you think a sub is of no value, then any affection or gifts would be spoiling her. If however, you compare a sub to an item of extremely high value, then  you would not believe affection or anything that she enjoyed would be spoiling her. I'm not interested in being a rusted out car that doesn't run and gets no maintenance, I know my value is high and therefore washing and waxing, detailing etc is maintenance. YMMV.

From a child rearing pov, spoiling is when a child receives things but not love and attention and needs met. I preferred to go without until I met someone who also believes that his partner in the relationship should get love and attention and needs met. Emotionally speaking, I am not interested in a one way street.

This is a time when I agree with you DES.  I see spoiling in an adult relationship as using anything, whether it be things or money or whatever, to occupy the submissive and placate her...fulfilling wants she may not even have..., rather than be giving of MY time and attention and care and interest to meet what she needs and really wants. 

There is nothing wrong with giving someone you care for a gift.  I have done it all the time, in and out of relationships.  Hell, I buy my ex-wife a present each Xmas...usually a book or a CD she has been wanting...because while she can be a cold-hearted bitch, she is also the mother of my children and I loved her at one time.  I buy gifts for those I care about and those I love and I try to figure out by talking to them, listening to them, what it is they would really like.  Gift cards...while easy and not to denigrate...are not really my thing. 
BUT...were I to do all that without being available to these people in terms of my TIME and EMOTIONS and THOUGHT...what, in essence, would I be doing?  No matter the cost of the items.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 12:29:20 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I really love the way you put this, particularly the part I bolded.  Extremely well put!

That said, it's not up to me to decide if I am spoiled or not.  I will say, however, that the way he treats me brings me joy, and at times I joke to him that I must have reached princess status.  It has nothing to do with gifts or monetary pleasures for me.  It's the way he looks after me and takes care of my heart.


Greetings NuevaVida,

Thank you for the compliment. :)

It's been my experience that oftentimes two things are at play when questions like these arise. There's an internal disconnect that prevents me from accepting what's given without formulating a million ideas or clinging to outdated behavior patterns that are familiar or safe. Thereby making the assumption that it must be "this" because a,b,c, etc. Or the individual has encountered certain concepts from other parties that inspire review (which isn't bad) but typically leads to uncertainty, comparisons, and feelings of discontent by what is stated or how the individual perceives things should be based on what someone has communicated.

In regard to your remarks, it reminds me of a quote I've been rolling around in my head as of late, "real joy is contagious." I find that it isn't necessary to articulate that I am happy because the joy radiates on its own.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 1:16:38 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Hopefully any man who wants to be with me will learn the proper ways to spoil me.  If he isn't capable of being kind in that manner I will find someone who will.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 1:36:07 PM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline 		Nope, not spoiled at all.  I have everything I need but rarely things I just want.  I get positive attention when I deserve it, no attention the rest of the time.  I work, I do the best I can for him, and I feel privileged when he takes time out of his day to give me a pat on the head or tell me I'm a good boy.  I'm here to work and to make his life easier, not to recieve attention or gifts.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 4:34:55 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Wow...I am puzzled to hear about women who feel that being treated well in a relationship means they are "spoiled".


I dunno about others, but I was referring to being spoiled monetarily. I rarely even saw my bf at the time because he was either at university or working.  For years, his VISA was my best friend. lol


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 4:58:34 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
I am going to go out on a limb here and say yes I am spoiled in the traditional sense of "things." He buys me things all the time, new vehicles, jewelry, clothes, trips, he pays me a weekly salary but I do work for him, and he pays all of the expenses. He set up investment accounts in my name and he also monitors my finances, but not in a controlling way, more like an advisor. Everything that he has given me is in my name, and my name is also on the business, as well as his other property's.

The reason for this is that he has had 3 wives before me and they never showed any interest in his business or in his life outside of what he could do for them, and when we met he was still married to wife #3, but legally separated. When we started seeing each other he felt like he had lost all interest in his business and wanted to sell it. I convinced him to keep it, and to expand, and promised to work for him in that capacity. That was almost 2 years ago and things have been awesome. He has found a new lease on life according to him, and now he loves the business that before he only saw as a way of making revenue, now he sees it as the reason for getting up in the morning and he feels the same excitement he did in the beginning 20 years ago.

This is a small  town and I am sure that people have plenty to say about our relationship and the fact that he is 17 years older than me but we don't care. It is our life and he has worked his ass off to get where he is and if he chooses to spoil me that is his doing and believe me I appreciate it and am aware of it every single day. This is a life I never had either with my ex-husband, even though we were middle class and comfortable, and he was not in any way a bad husband, I am just saying that this life is not like that one.

At first I felt uncomfortable but once I realized that to him I was worth what he was bestowing on me and that he also expected me to work for him and actually produce results, it evened out. But yes, I am aware, I am definitely what most would call spoiled. I am okay with that. We are in love and he is the one in control and I am sure if he decided I wasn't worth it, I would be the first to hear.


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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 5:13:06 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

At first I felt uncomfortable but once I realized that to him I was worth what he was bestowing on me and that he also expected me to work for him and actually produce results, it evened out. But yes, I am aware, I am definitely what most would call spoiled. I am okay with that. We are in love and he is the one in control and I am sure if he decided I wasn't worth it, I would be the first to hear.


Aynne, I suspect that you are a lot like me in this respect.  I know I've worked hard all my life and I didn't suffer from lack of self-esteem, but actually being with someone who recognizes and rewards my effort really did throw me off at the start.  But the thing that Firm and I discovered is that it is amazing when you actually have a partner who works with you instead of against you.  The more we invest in one another, the more we have together... and we're finding that the sky is the limit. 

By the way... when you get a chance, check your cmail.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/21/2011 7:17:18 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP: if you mean do My slave and I cater shamelessly to each other's needs and desires, then the answer is yes!

That's not spoiling. That's just taking good care of each other, in the ways that we want, need, and deserve.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/22/2011 6:22:05 AM   
SourandSweet


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		I'm most certainly spoiled!

I don't mean when he buys me things.  That's not hard if a guy can afford a few extra bits.

I don't mean when he cuddles me as we watch a film, or strokes my hair.  He gets as much pleasure from that as I do.

I don't mean when he comes home from work early so we can spend more time together.  Again - he loves that as much as I do.

I don't mean when he sends me to the best salon in town or buys me nice clothes.  Appearance is more important to him than to me.

I mean that at times he does things, or allows me to do things, just for me.

:-)

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/22/2011 4:35:42 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR to no one in particular

I want to be spoiled in the manner I want to become accustomed too.


This is right-on, Tazzy.


< Message edited by petmonkey -- 1/22/2011 4:41:44 PM >

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RE: Are you spoiled? - 1/27/2011 9:23:41 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I dont think I am spoiled.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 40
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