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laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 6:34:24 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

it is beginning to bug the hell out of me to read posts and profiles that say, "if you're submissive/slave i don't want to hear what you WON'T do or about YOUR wants." next to that, there's something about how unattractive or overweight people with limits need not apply to that particular dom, or how they only want this/that/the other.

i am not one for laundry lists and i'm currently not looking, but whether or not i am a submissive or slave, if i am LOOKING for someone, i have just as much right to a laundry list as any dom does. on principle, this is annoying the fuck out of me. as far as i see it, i'm on equal standing with any dominant until and unless i sign my rights over to him - which means i can laundry list the hell out of my profile if i so choose. it just...amuses and annoys me to no end that there are dominants who honestly like to start out meetings by saying, basically, "you don't matter."

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

Post #: 1

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 6:42:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

As always, there are also slaves and subs who will drool for that attitude and find that dominant to be the bestest, wisest ever.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 2

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 6:46:08 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

You have the right to put your "laundry list" in your own profile. I don't think many (if any) Dominants are saying what a submissive can or can't put in their own profile. I think what they are saying is "Don't message me if you have a laundry list."

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 3

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 6:59:07 AM

nimbus2004

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

the right for all to have a laundry list - hells yeah

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 4

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 7:56:18 AM

Kendra

Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

laundry lists just make it less embarrassing, for the dominant who messages me and has already read that i dont enjoy german shepherds licking my genitalia or rubbing faeces across my body in public during a funeral or religious service,,
i mean if they already know from my list? that i dont do doggies or scat or dead guys? wouldnt that make it a little easier to get over that first initial'' do you woof?

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to nimbus2004)

Post #: 5

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 7:58:08 AM

Kendra

Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

and in saying that
i mean no offence to the animal lovers or practitioners of other tastes/kinks mentioned earlier...
hey if it blows your hair back? more power to you..

no offence thats all

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to Kendra)

Post #: 6

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 8:02:02 AM

rapture2778

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

i believe your profile is an extension of you..it is what you choose to show the world about you...i always chose to keep mine positive, but if a laundry list is what someone else chooses to show the world about who they are, more power to ya!

(in reply to Kendra)

Post #: 7

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 8:17:01 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

It's like mine reading.... I have limits... yep... but also open minded... and willing to expand (Or something to that point been awhile sense i've read it.. lol)

One thing I've found out... everytime I've met someone new... I've found myself doing the same boring (at times) things... but then again... being open minded on SOME things.. i've found myself doing things that years ago.. months ago... was on my NO DAMN WAY IN HELL LIST... I think a laundry list.. so to speak... (Gawd love the new dictionary I've had to start keeping sense joining CM).... is just a open how do you do... this is a little about me... let's see where we can go with this...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to rapture2778)

Post #: 8

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 8:53:11 AM

MdmSarah

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline

I think the issue with laundry lists arise from people communicating by saying "Hey I want someone who will do a, b, c activities to/with me" and leaving all other qualifiers to the wind.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 9

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 10:12:53 AM

foxnotinsox

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

it is beginning to bug the hell out of me to read posts and profiles that say, "if you're submissive/slave i don't want to hear what you WON'T do or about YOUR wants." next to that, there's something about how unattractive or overweight people with limits need not apply to that particular dom, or how they only want this/that/the other.

Fine if they want this, that or the other ... however, if a prospective partner is not willing to listen to my desires .. to disregard my limits .. then, why should I even allow them permission to enter? For I have found that these types are just a little bit too full of themselves [heheh and a lot of them are unattractive or overweight or worse still underweight heheh]

If they don't want their prospective partners to have wants/desires/limits, then they should NOT have them themselves.

Ummmmm besides .. this is the reason I see A LOT of bdsm relationships failing ... because the wants/desires/proclitivities of the top are put first and forefront at the expense of the submissive. Not only stupid in my opinion, but abusive in general.

But =) ...... that is only my opinion based upon my experiences with selfish people like that ... as for being bugged by it, yeah it's frustrating that there is so much two-facedness in WIITWD ..... On one hand, no dominant <gasp> would ever want a doormat nor do many submissives proclaim themselves as such ... yet there are so many tops who want to have doormats that they can boss around .. a blank slate to use, so to speak....

These guys used to bug me, but yanno .. they're just not worth it.
Hmmmmm with the exception of pointing them out and laughing =P

_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 10

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 12:28:38 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

[Tahoma]I am of the mindset that a submissive has the right to have a list of what she will do, what she won't do, and just who she will do it with (e.g.: while she may do anal sex with a long-term dominant that she has known for awhile or has scened with before, she WON'T do it with a dominant that it is her first sexual encounter with or a dominant that she is engaged in a public scene with, etc., etc.). I know there are many dominants who feel that once a submissive agrees to submit to them that there are no limits...those dominants should not deal with submissives with limits then. It only provokes the submissive who does have limits (e.g....fullofgrace...

)and that leads to frustration on the part of both dominant and submissive.

As for someone telling you this EVEN after they have seen what you have...well, there's no accounting for some people's kids, are there?[/font]

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 11

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 12:44:20 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

For me I don't see it as a laundry list. I see it as someone expressing their expectations, needs, wants, and desires. Even in the "vanilla" world you will find that people will not get involved with someone unless they a,b,c, and d are present. That is simply them expressing their personal preferences. The problem with such a list is you eliminate so many "prospective" matches. I think IF you have a list of things you want / need in your partner that you should be realistic and relize that you are the one making it hard to find someone because your looking for that person that fits into "your" mold.

IF I see a submissive that says they need/want certain things and I know I can not fulfull their needs/wants I simply move on. IF I find their profile or journal interesting regardless of their list I may drop them a note and from there it up to them and their right to choose to respond or not. No one is obligated.

Nika{Phoenix}

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 12

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 1:01:36 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Personally I think all subs/slaves should be only allowed one hard limit. Being the supreme ruler/dictator/god of the BDSM community, I am hereby reducing all hard limits to one (1)! Violation of the one hard limit will be punishable by indentured servitude for a period of no less than 7 years by the most Vanilla/Sadistic (depending on your Idea of horror) person that can be found. The hard limit that you are all reduced to will be entitled “the murderously hard limit”. The murderously hard limit is a simple thing really, and it states, “The murderously hard limit is all other limits being ignored”.

Now for something more serious. Stick to your guns, it defines you’re character. By all means, learn, evolve, and grow. Do not sacrifice all that you are to please another. We have limits for a reason. Some people just cannot, or will not, try to fathom that you’re limits are in place for a reason. They do not stop to consider the nature of you’re limits, play rape may awaken too many ghosts, because they have not experienced the horrors or issues that may have made the limits for you. If I could wave the majik wand and make everyone’s horrors vanish from their lives, I would. However that still will not remove all limits. We have societal taboos for a reason. The big mysterious book didn’t just fall in our laps. Different things affect people differently.

Thievery is a good example. Thieves exist in all socio-economic levels. Its not necessarily nurture as it is nature. I have seen dirt-poor people who wouldn’t dare steal anything, and it wasn’t the wrath of god or fear of violating the law that instilled this. It was a strong sense of justice and phenomenal character. They understood value, and just how much hard work was required for each dollar. It is the un-common common sense factor in play.

When you look at a potential play partners limits, stop and ask yourself what the circumstances could be that inspired them to list such a limit. Don’t question or disregard them, just honor them.

Respectively
Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 13

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 1:24:32 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

I see it not so much as a laundry list but rather more as that person's prelude. Why spend the time reading the unabridged version when a quick read can indicate whether the content is of interest.

By the same token however, a prelude can make or break someone's potential interest. Even laundry lists can have finesse.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 14

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 1:58:47 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I find that if a dom does not respect who I am on their profile it thins the crowd a little for me to find what I am looking for. In other words if they say things like, "No masochists, no one that will challenge my supreme authority, no one that is not 5 foot 2 and weighs 95 lbs.. blah blah blah" It makes it that much easier to know that they are not suited to me either. I prefer to keep my profile simple, to the point, and if someone is something I don't want then I hit delete. Pretty much I find my hard limits turn off most people that would demand that I do not express my desires.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 15

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 2:45:33 PM

genvieve

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline

~creates a laundry list right now for subs~

Do not write me if you:

1. Are wanting an unintelligent girl to just fawn all over you.
2. Are in the "Kneel bitch and suck me" frame of mind.
3. Seem like any submissive anywhere in the world would be lucky for you to just give them the time of day.
4. Are in the habit of demanding submission before it is freely given.
5. Are a pompus asshole who doesn't believe i have the right to a laundry list.

~giggles and ducks away from things that will inevitably be thrown at me~

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 3:03:31 PM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

Laundry lists, every one has their quirks and foibles and if I can learn about a sub by reading it saves lots of time. My new sub had a huge list when we were negotiating and I listened and said "this probably isn't all because I guarantee to come up with some ideas to make you think again (said in fun yet with a kernal of truth) and I expect to hear from you honestly if something is causing you a problem." we all have baggage and what may not bother me may freak someone else.

a lot of Profiles do sound negative but I attribute that to newness of writing profiles. I have gone over mine and also posted on "ask a sub' for pointers on ways to attract their attention and it still isn't perfect. Most will not go to this trouble.
My Laundry list;
I don't want any submissive females messaging me UNLESS they breathe air, have a sense of humor and enjoy communicating.

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to genvieve)

Post #: 17

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 3:39:35 PM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
I know there are many dominants who feel that once a submissive agrees to submit to them that there are no limits...those dominants should not deal with submissives with limits then. It only provokes the submissive who does have limits (e.g....fullofgrace...)and that leads to frustration on the part of both dominant and submissive.

actually - i don't have limits with the Dominant i am with now (though i did for a period at first, until i came to trust Him completely), and i don't plan on being with any others...i also don't tend to be a laundry list kind of person myself. i just think this is a strange phenomenon and i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it - it seems like a double standard.

nikaa - i agree - my laundry list comment is slightly facetious. i guess what gets me is there are certain things i do LOOK for in potential partners but pretty much everything is negotiable. i'm more leaning towards the profiles that are "i won't accept any submissive who weighs more than 120 lbs" and "i won't accept any submissive who says what she will and won't do," etc. i suppose what gets me more is that people put it out there like it's absolutely the be all end all criteria...it must be another one of those your-kink-is-not-my-kink-but-it's-still-cool kind of things. i just don't get it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: foxnotinsox

Ummmmm besides .. this is the reason I see A LOT of bdsm relationships failing ... because the wants/desires/proclitivities of the top are put first and forefront at the expense of the submissive. Not only stupid in my opinion, but abusive in general.

i guess this might be closer to what i'm getting at. it's hard for me to imagine trusting someone who seems to have superficial lists of qualities i must adhere to enough to not have limits with them, yet i've seen so many profiles on here of dominants that act as though that's what they expect. it just blows my mind.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 18

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 3:51:57 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

What other people call limits, I think of as choices.

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 19

RE: laundry lists. - 5/2/2006 5:14:12 PM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

To me: laundry list = preferences...

I have my own preferences that I adhere to when looking for a partner... sense of whit, sarcasm, at least roughly height/weight proportionate, a willingness to leave judgements to those in robes... I got a whole damned list of them, but I only apply them as needed... my list for friends is different from playmates and is different from partners...

Basically, to each their own... if someone doesn't like yer requirements, they got the same clothes to get glad in they got mad in...

- Dustyn

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 20

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