RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here

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FukinTroll -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 9:24:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 OP, there should not be a rush at all to discover yourselves. Frankly, you have achieved the most difficult part of the journey...you already found each other. Once you have that, everything else is a fun, wild experiment. Enjoy. Wanted to bold that because it is the most profound truth you will read on this site.

RapierFugue -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 9:26:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. Maybe ... but what if it was the other way around? What if god had actually dictated 5 kink-friendly Commandments, but Moses was vanilla, and bottled it? For some reason I confused Mel Brooks with Mel Gibson in my mind then ... he really wouldn't have been happy making that film.

FukinTroll -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 9:28:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. Maybe ... but what if it was the other way around? What if god had actually dictated 5 kink-friendly Commandments, but Moses was vanilla, and bottled it? For some reason I confused Mel Brooks with Mel Gibson in my mind then ... he really wouldn't have been happy making that film. LMAO! Touché!

RapierFugue -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 9:33:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll LMAO! Touché! 11. Thou shalt swallow when instructed to do so. Not before, not after. I'm God, FFS, so do as you're bloody well told or it's fire & brimstone a go-go.

leadership527 -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 10:31:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom I suppose it is all a work in progress. Yes.... THAT. And what matters is not so much what particular painting you two paint, but whether you do it together as a couple, with love and care... or whatever attributes mutually nurture you two. Just so you know, Carol's and my few sojourns into "the scene" have turned up nothing particularly uncomfortable despite our fears and concerns before hand. In fact, my net assessment is "A bunch of adults playing dress-up adult games" -- nothing particularly creepy or even intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize with the discomfort... not so long ago that was me. But in hindsight, there was never anything to be uncomfortable about. For the most part, the people we've met have been nice, kind, courteous folks interested in helping us newcomers settle in -- just with a bit more black leather than most laughs

OsideGirl -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 10:44:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom I have this image of being a dom where I should just be super confident and in your face if you fuck with me... Not really. There's a difference between dominant and domineering.

littlewonder -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 10:49:17 AM)
There isn't any way to live the "lifestyle". You just live life.

KnightofMists -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 11:35:34 AM)
quote: I think one of the perennial difficulties, and perhaps some can relate, is having grown up Catholic (and continuing to be Catholic) all the while trying to reconcile what is a bit of a disjunction between our desires and our religious identity (which, quite frankly, I am betting was a contributing factor to these desires... but that is for another post). I know this issue well.... I was raised Catholic.... and many thought I would become a priest, which I wrestled with for sometime many years ago. All I can say is..... Choose what to believe do not believe what you were taught! In other words... to often we believe things because we are taught to believe it and never actually questioning if such belief actually resonates with ourselves.

subsfaith -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 11:40:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom I have this image of being a dom where I should just be super confident and in your face if you fuck with me... but I am more subtle in my approach. While you may have some preconceived ideas of what a dom is, is that what you want to be - super confident and in your face? For me the idea a dominant man is someone who is in control whilst being comfortable with himself, whatever that may be. My man is far more likely to tell me something that he wants thn ask me for something or bark an order at me.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 11:59:21 AM)
Why so serious?? (Gawd, I miss Heath Ledger....) I'm still a relative newbie, when it comes to being on the D side of the slash. I had identified as slave all my life, until I turned domme several years ago. I travel a lot, so I haven't had as much face-time with my slave as I'd have liked to, these past few years. So I still make newbie mistakes now and then. But its okay because mistakes are how we learn. And if you're like me- you have a partner who loves you, and will be tolerant of your missteps because they know that you'll both move forward with the new knowledge, better able to bring your dreams to life. So there's no need to worry or be uncomfortable. Don't take yourselves too seriously. Think of it like this: Domineering= a jerk. Dominant= Relaxed, and not hindered or ruled by fear. Which do you want to be?? You both want to have a good time, right? So give yourselves permission to enjoy yourselves! ENJOY your exciting new journey together! Keep your sense of humor, and HAVE FUN!

StrongSpirit -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 12:16:16 PM)
1. Be honest with each other. Don't try to fake anything. Tell your partner when you are not sure what to do (chances are they know already). They care enough about you to accept you and not go looking for some super-experienced kinkster. 2. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO DO IT. There is no bdsm police that will come in and arrest you for spanking her the wrong way or her for begging poorly. 3. Do what you like to do, find out what your partner likes to do, and do what your partner likes. 4. If you are not sure what you like, experiment. Try things that the other is willing to try, and find out. Not that hard to come up with ideas.

TheDarkSaint -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 12:33:47 PM)
quote: and what matters is not so much what particular painting you two paint, but whether you do it together as a couple, with love and care... or whatever attributes mutually nurture you two. Just so you know, Carol's and my few sojourns into "the scene" have turned up nothing particularly uncomfortable despite our fears and concerns before hand. In fact, my net assessment is "A bunch of adults playing dress-up adult games" -- nothing particularly creepy or even intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize with the discomfort... not so long ago that was me. But in hindsight, there was never anything to be uncomfortable about. For the most part, the people we've met have been nice, kind, courteous folks interested in helping us newcomers settle in -- just with a bit more black leather than most laughs Much the same as any "Biker" event.. Some of the coolest, friendly people you could ever hope to know. Just being there gives you something in common with everybody else, and something to talk about. Yeah, you'll run into a few posers all dressed up to the "nines". But sometimes they are fun too! I'll never forget sitting and talking to an older couple at a bike rally. They were fun people. Turned out they had never owned a bike. They had a big ol RV, and liked traveling around the country, dressing in the leather and hanging with the bikers.. Who's to say that's wrong? They sure liked it.

gothikbutterfly -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 12:49:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! you're a funny one you are Troll. a laugh riot

Focus50 -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/22/2011 12:56:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom I think one of the perennial difficulties, and perhaps some can relate, is having grown up Catholic (and continuing to be Catholic) all the while trying to reconcile what is a bit of a disjunction between our desires and our religious identity (which, quite frankly, I am betting was a contributing factor to these desires... Along with how our parents choose to raise us and expose us to the local culture, good ol religion is another way we're socially engineered to live by the values of others. Nurture is a tough animal for an adult to overcome; it confuses and conflicts us with our base primal needs. I have a need to control and dominate my partner. But I'm not a bad or abusive person. Therefore, I also need a partner who has her own individual need to be controlled and dominated. Beyond that, society (incl friends and family) doesn't need to know. The ol "what consenting adults do together is no-one's business" etc. Focus.

kalikshama -> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here (1/23/2011 6:35:43 AM)
I hate going to new places by myself and one of the things I miss about being married was my husband lending me his confidence, which may have been real or just outward. When we discovered BDSM, we joined a local group and went to munches where authors such as John Warren would talk about their books and experiences in the lifestyle. We first heard of the "mind fuck" concept from JW in the late 90's. This group also hosted demos at the local dungeon, followed by open play. We learned about Shibari, and immediately bought clothesline, which resulted in our mutual delight. We didn't incorporate the single tail at home. My husband observed other people flog, and brought this knowledge home as well :) We also met some nice people and learned a lot from them. I was the reader in our duo, bought lots of books, and showed him my favorite parts and pictures. In addition to "The Loving Dominant," I also have "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" and have heard great things about SM101, all found on Amazon. He was the toolmaker, and got very creative with items from Home Depot. The hardest part is finding a partner, which you have already done. Enjoy the journey!

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