Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 9:24:04 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

OP, there should not be a rush at all to discover yourselves. Frankly, you have achieved the most difficult part of the journey...you already found each other.

Once you have that, everything else is a fun, wild experiment. Enjoy.


Wanted to bold that because it is the most profound truth you will read on this site.


_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 9:26:06 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. 


Maybe ... but what if it was the other way around? What if god had actually dictated 5 kink-friendly Commandments, but Moses was vanilla, and bottled it?

For some reason I confused Mel Brooks with Mel Gibson in my mind then ... he really wouldn't have been happy making that film.

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 9:28:41 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. 


Maybe ... but what if it was the other way around? What if god had actually dictated 5 kink-friendly Commandments, but Moses was vanilla, and bottled it?

For some reason I confused Mel Brooks with Mel Gibson in my mind then ... he really wouldn't have been happy making that film.


LMAO! Touché!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 9:33:53 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
LMAO! Touché!


11. Thou shalt swallow when instructed to do so. Not before, not after. I'm God, FFS, so do as you're bloody well told or it's fire & brimstone a go-go.

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 10:31:37 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom
I suppose it is all a work in progress.

Yes.... THAT.

And what matters is not so much what particular painting you two paint, but whether you do it together as a couple, with love and care... or whatever attributes mutually nurture you two.

Just so you know, Carol's and my few sojourns into "the scene" have turned up nothing particularly uncomfortable despite our fears and concerns before hand. In fact, my net assessment is "A bunch of adults playing dress-up adult games" -- nothing particularly creepy or even intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize with the discomfort... not so long ago that was me. But in hindsight, there was never anything to be uncomfortable about. For the most part, the people we've met have been nice, kind, courteous folks interested in helping us newcomers settle in -- just with a bit more black leather than most *laughs*


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 10:44:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom
I have this image of being a dom where I should just be super confident and in your face if you fuck with me...
Not really. There's a difference between dominant and domineering.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 10:49:17 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		There isn't any way to live the "lifestyle". You just live life.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 11:35:34 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think one of the perennial difficulties, and perhaps some can relate, is having grown up Catholic (and continuing to be Catholic) all the while trying to reconcile what is a bit of a disjunction between our desires and our religious identity (which, quite frankly, I am betting was a contributing factor to these desires... but that is for another post). 


I know this issue well.... I was raised Catholic.... and many thought I would become a priest, which I wrestled with for sometime many years ago.

All I can say is..... Choose what to believe do not believe what you were taught! In other words... to often we believe things because we are taught to believe it and never actually questioning if such belief actually resonates with ourselves.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 11:40:11 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom

I have this image of being a dom where I should just be super confident and in your face if you fuck with me... but I am more subtle in my approach.



While you may have some preconceived ideas of what a dom is, is that what you want to be - super confident and in your face?

For me the idea a dominant man is someone who is in control whilst being comfortable with himself, whatever that may be.

My man is far more likely to tell me something that he wants thn ask me for something or bark an order at me.

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 11:59:21 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Why so serious??

(Gawd, I miss Heath Ledger....)

I'm still a relative newbie, when it comes to being on the D side of the slash. I had identified as slave all my life, until I turned domme several years ago. I travel a lot, so I haven't had as much face-time with my slave as I'd have liked to, these past few years. So I still make newbie mistakes now and then.

But its okay because mistakes are how we learn. And if you're like me- you have a partner who loves you, and will be tolerant of your missteps because they know that you'll both move forward with the new knowledge, better able to bring your dreams to life. So there's no need to worry or be uncomfortable. Don't take yourselves too seriously.

Think of it like this: Domineering= a jerk.

Dominant= Relaxed, and not hindered or ruled by fear.

Which do you want to be??

You both want to have a good time, right? So give yourselves permission to enjoy yourselves!

ENJOY your exciting new journey together! Keep your sense of humor, and HAVE FUN!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 12:16:16 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		1. Be honest with each other. Don't try to fake anything. Tell your partner when you are not sure what to do (chances are they know already). They care enough about you to accept you and not go looking for some super-experienced kinkster.

2. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO DO IT. There is no bdsm police that will come in and arrest you for spanking her the wrong way or her for begging poorly.

3. Do what you like to do, find out what your partner likes to do, and do what your partner likes.

4. If you are not sure what you like, experiment. Try things that the other is willing to try, and find out. Not that hard to come up with ideas.


(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 12:33:47 PM   
TheDarkSaint


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline
quote:

and what matters is not so much what particular painting you two paint, but whether you do it together as a couple, with love and care... or whatever attributes mutually nurture you two.

Just so you know, Carol's and my few sojourns into "the scene" have turned up nothing particularly uncomfortable despite our fears and concerns before hand. In fact, my net assessment is "A bunch of adults playing dress-up adult games" -- nothing particularly creepy or even intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize with the discomfort... not so long ago that was me. But in hindsight, there was never anything to be uncomfortable about. For the most part, the people we've met have been nice, kind, courteous folks interested in helping us newcomers settle in -- just with a bit more black leather than most *laughs*


Much the same as any "Biker" event.. Some of the coolest, friendly people you could ever hope to know. Just being there gives you something in common with everybody else, and something to talk about. Yeah, you'll run into a few posers all dressed up to the "nines". But sometimes they are fun too!

I'll never forget sitting and talking to an older couple at a bike rally. They were fun people. Turned out they had never owned a bike. They had a big ol RV, and liked traveling around the country, dressing in the leather and hanging with the bikers.. Who's to say that's wrong? They sure liked it.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 12:49:28 PM   
gothikbutterfly


Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Mel Brooks captured the truth of it man. Remember when Moses dropped the third tablet? My guess it was deliberate cuz they were kink unfriendly rules. Try an put yourself in his sandals... you're carrying around this cool stick that you can do more tricks with than a monkey can do with a mile of vine an here's five rules that say you cannot utilize the cool little stick for your kinky pleasure. 



BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! you're a funny one you are Troll. a laugh riot

< Message edited by gothikbutterfly -- 1/22/2011 12:50:45 PM >

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/22/2011 12:56:57 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Imacuriousdom

I think one of the perennial difficulties, and perhaps some can relate, is having grown up Catholic (and continuing to be Catholic) all the while trying to reconcile what is a bit of a disjunction between our desires and our religious identity (which, quite frankly, I am betting was a contributing factor to these desires...


Along with how our parents choose to raise us and expose us to the local culture, good ol religion is another way we're socially engineered to live by the values of others. Nurture is a tough animal for an adult to overcome; it confuses and conflicts us with our base primal needs.

I have a need to control and dominate my partner. But I'm not a bad or abusive person. Therefore, I also need a partner who has her own individual need to be controlled and dominated. Beyond that, society (incl friends and family) doesn't need to know. The ol "what consenting adults do together is no-one's business" etc.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here - 1/23/2011 6:35:43 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I hate going to new places by myself and one of the things I miss about being married was my husband lending me his confidence, which may have been real or just outward.

When we discovered BDSM, we joined a local group and went to munches where authors such as John Warren would talk about their books and experiences in the lifestyle. We first heard of the "mind fuck" concept from JW in the late 90's.

This group also hosted demos at the local dungeon, followed by open play. We learned about Shibari, and immediately bought clothesline, which resulted in our mutual delight. We didn't incorporate the single tail at home. My husband observed other people flog, and brought this knowledge home as well :)

We also met some nice people and learned a lot from them.

I was the reader in our duo, bought lots of books, and showed him my favorite parts and pictures. In addition to "The Loving Dominant," I also have "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" and have heard great things about SM101, all found on Amazon. He was the toolmaker, and got very creative with items from Home Depot.

The hardest part is finding a partner, which you have already done. Enjoy the journey!

(in reply to Imacuriousdom)
Profile   Post #: 35
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A new (fairly uncomfortable) couple here Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094