Vanilla Swirl!!

Vanilla Swirl!! (Full Version)

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Charles6682 -> Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 2:50:31 PM)
After reading another post on here,I thought I would start my own.This is about blending the vanilla lifestyle in with the BDSM lifestyle.I have come across too many people in this lifestyle who think you have to keep the 2 seperate from each other.It is either one or the other.Well,how about a more rational approach to this question?How about blending this lifestyle and Vanilla lifestyles into 1,that works best just for you.Do not get me wrong,I am not talking about wearing a dog collar and leash out in the open public,unless thats what you want! I do not see a reason to seperate the 2 lifestyles for myself.I have found,mixing the 2 together works just fine for me.I know who I am.I am a geniune submissive and that won't change.However,I also enjoy do many vanilla things.Common sense says there is no need to seperate the 2 lifestyles from each other.Its sort of like the Gay guy asking himself,should I give up being gay,so I can be "vanilla"?I doubt it.Being a submissive for me is like that.I just accept myself for who I am and try to live life.

sexyred1 -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 2:58:03 PM)
I agree. My life is a blend of ingredients, not separate. BDSM is what I like to do, not who or what I am. I am seeking someone who understands that and who wishes to share a well rounded life.

Kaliko -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 3:14:29 PM)
Some people might choose to keep the two separate. Not because they have to, but because they want to. Some people compartmentalize. Just the fact that you are calling for having to mix the two lifestyles shows that you consider them to be two separate lifestyles. And you're right. They are. As much as I can say that being submissive is not something I turn on and off - that's it's always a part of me and always a part of my day - it simply is different from the woman in the office next to me who doesn't go home at night and greet her love on her knees. I separate the two. It's not because I'm not blending all the wants and needs in my life to suit me. It's because I have the good sense to keep my private life private. D/s or not, my relationship with a man is not something I bring into every aspect of my life because it just doesn't belong there.

Prinsexx -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 3:29:59 PM)
I've come to realise that what I think of as vanilla many people think of as kink. Maybe I'm just perverse.

sofldan -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 3:41:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I've come to realise that what I think of as vanilla many people think of as kink. Maybe I'm just perverse. So true

0ldhen -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 3:56:29 PM)
I think all our lives are a swirl. After all if you are a teacher do you go home and grade your husbands lovemaking? Bdsm, M/s, D/s, we all have to live in the "real" world, pay the bills, get the groceries.

salemartist -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 4:08:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I agree. My life is a blend of ingredients, not separate. BDSM is what I like to do, not who or what I am. I am seeking someone who understands that and who wishes to share a well rounded life. you got all the ingedients baby! Can I ge't mine with whipped cream, hot funsge and a sweet redhead on top...

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 4:24:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko As much as I can say that being submissive is not something I turn on and off - that's it's always a part of me and always a part of my day - it simply is different from the woman in the office next to me who doesn't go home at night and greet her love on her knees. Ahem. How do you know she doesn't? People do some crazy shit behind closed doors.

Kaliko -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 4:32:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko As much as I can say that being submissive is not something I turn on and off - that's it's always a part of me and always a part of my day - it simply is different from the woman in the office next to me who doesn't go home at night and greet her love on her knees. Ahem. How do you know she doesn't? People do some crazy shit behind closed doors. Right - that's kind of my point. It's private and whether it's BDSM or some other type of thing going on, it's just not to be mixed in every aspect of one's life.

IrishMist -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 4:37:54 PM)
quote: Just the fact that you are calling for having to mix the two lifestyles shows that you consider them to be two separate lifestyles. And you're right. They are They are? Wow. And to think...after 20 some odd years of believing in my own ideas on the subject, you come along and make a statement that says I am wrong. Dayum. Must be nice to be so all knowing.

CeriseNin -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 4:41:28 PM)
I don't keep them separate either. BDSM is what I like to do within a relationship, but I also like watching films, doing to dinner, within the relationship. All activities I enjoy with a partner.

DesFIP -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:11:00 PM)
There is a time and place for everything. Alone in our room is a time for nakedness and sexuality. Watching my son's basketball game is about being his own private cheering section. It is not the time and place for a collar and a leash. To everything, there is a season.

Charles6682 -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:27:14 PM)
Des,I agree.There is a time and place for everything.Like I said,I wouldn't want to be walking around in public with a leash around my neck.What I am talking about is the mental side of BDSM.Do I have to some how divide my life into little pockets?Instead,I can look at the greater whole and feel complete as to who I am.Besides,D/S isn't always exactly about whips and chains either.When I am out in public,I open the door for Ladies and such.I just find that to be common courtesy,not so much an act of submission.Of course,I would open the door for my then- Domme.Is that just being nice and an act of submission.Yes,it is for me.Sometimes,its the simple little,everyday things that make the difference. I don't see this as a black and white issue.That is has to be one way or the other.There is room for plenty shades of gray to go around.

DesFIP -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:30:05 PM)
Sorry, I misunderstood. I wait for him to open my door in public because that's his rule. He believes that men should be gentlemen and have manners. There's no reason for this not to happen whether we're alone or with others. We relate as we do at home, with respect and love towards each other.

Kaliko -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:30:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Just the fact that you are calling for having to mix the two lifestyles shows that you consider them to be two separate lifestyles. And you're right. They are They are? Wow. And to think...after 20 some odd years of believing in my own ideas on the subject, you come along and make a statement that says I am wrong. Dayum. Must be nice to be so all knowing. In the spirit of discussion, yes, I do believe that any private moments - BDSM or otherwise - are separate from the life that others see of me. The general public are not allowed into my world of emotions and lovemaking with my man (unless there's a place for that in discussion, like when I write on these boards about it). And so, since my world of lovemaking and emotions is D/s, then yes, my D/s life is separate from my vanilla life. And if one doesn't know me well, one would think I am the most vanilla woman on the planet. I keep my private life private. Don't you keep things separate as appropriate for the activity you're doing and the company you're in? So, I guess I was a little ... offended, maybe?....that the OP would think that anyone who keeps things separate is not being rational. I keep it separate, because there are simply times when they are separate, and to say they're not...well...I don't understand how one can say that absolutely everything is mixed.

IrishMist -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:37:29 PM)
So you keep your private life private. Hooray? I was not commenting on that. I was commenting on your specific wording...and , as you say, words are , after all, important...right.

Kaliko -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:44:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist So you keep your private life private. Hooray? I was not commenting on that. I was commenting on your specific wording...and , as you say, words are , after all, important...right. I'm sorry - I'm honestly not following.

sexyred1 -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:49:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: salemartist quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I agree. My life is a blend of ingredients, not separate. BDSM is what I like to do, not who or what I am. I am seeking someone who understands that and who wishes to share a well rounded life. you got all the ingedients baby! Can I ge't mine with whipped cream, hot funsge and a sweet redhead on top... What, no sprinkles? [;)]

lizi -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:55:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 Des,I agree.There is a time and place for everything.Like I said,I wouldn't want to be walking around in public with a leash around my neck.What I am talking about is the mental side of BDSM.Do I have to some how divide my life into little pockets?Instead,I can look at the greater whole and feel complete as to who I am.Besides,D/S isn't always exactly about whips and chains either.When I am out in public,I open the door for Ladies and such.I just find that to be common courtesy,not so much an act of submission.Of course,I would open the door for my then Domme.Is that just being nice and an act of submission.Yes,it is for me.Sometimes,its the simple little,everyday things that make the difference. I don't see this as a black and white issue.That is has to be one way or the other.There is room for plenty shades of gray to go around. As I've mentioned in other threads, I lead a pretty vanilla life with my Dom. Much of our time together is spent in public, we don't really make any overt displays of who we are to each other beyond the fact that I wear a collar daily and I defer to his decisions always while trying to see where I can assist him - there's nothing there that screams BDSM. We don't seem to set off any kinky radar system. It works well for us. I don't know, maybe we're boring as hell, but I never have to hide things from others because we don't do things that need hiding except for our private time together which is spent privately. No one ever seems to find the things that we do strange or noteworthy in any way and believe me...I have 3 adult sons. If they had any idea that their mom and her boyfriend were kinky it wouldn't be good.

sexyred1 -> RE: Vanilla Swirl!! (1/23/2011 5:56:28 PM)
That is how I see it as well. Not sure what is offensive about that.

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