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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/29/2011 8:05:18 AM

DesFIP

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Actually LaT, you wouldn't give orders to not do what her boss said. So that could be thought of as outside the dynamic.
Many single parents put their relationships with their children outside the dynamic also. You wouldn't tell someone you had just started a relationship with that you would go in their place to a parent teacher conference.

But I don't think the op and his dominant have discussed what and when and which things are outside the responsibility of the dominant. And whether both of them agree to a punishment dynamic and if so, how it should be done so as not to make the s hate play as a result.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/29/2011 8:48:53 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually LaT, you wouldn't give orders to not do what her boss said. So that could be thought of as outside the dynamic.
Many single parents put their relationships with their children outside the dynamic also. You wouldn't tell someone you had just started a relationship with that you would go in their place to a parent teacher conference.

But I don't think the op and his dominant have discussed what and when and which things are outside the responsibility of the dominant. And whether both of them agree to a punishment dynamic and if so, how it should be done so as not to make the s hate play as a result.

Wrong. Her work is very much within the dynamic. Example. I have a very strong work ethic. Moreso than many people. She decides she does not 'feel' like going to work and wants to call in sick. Ahhhhhhhh NO. Her ass goes to work. Or, she has a habit of being late, under my mastery that will not be the case.

If indeed she is a parent, I would also have a say in that. While I prefer to not have a slave that has children.....that is not always realistic. I also have high standards in this area and if I felt she was making choices that were detrimental to her child/ren.......I would demand changes there also. Control does not have to be a negative. To encourage/deman behaviour that makes a slave a better parent.....is to me, only a good thing. I would never suggest I go to a parent teacher conference in their place. But I would demand that they go if they had expressed an interest in not.

Perhaps, rather than seeing the possible negatives for that control, it is more productive to see the possible benefits. It is also a reason why I think this type of relationship should not be entered into lightly and without a great deal of communication of expectations, needs, desires, etc...

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/29/2011 9:58:27 AM

Chulain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
What part exactly, do you not understand?

The part where you state "In my world, there is nothing a slave will experience or do, that is off limits to our dynamic"

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/29/2011 2:31:59 PM

LaTigresse

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It seems pretty self explanatory to me.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/30/2011 1:45:45 PM

Steponme73

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Maybe we have hit on something here in name only...a sub is one who gets punished during S&M; but not for real life. A slave...well, he just gets it all the time!

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/30/2011 3:46:34 PM

Chulain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
It seems pretty self explanatory to me.

Gee, thanks.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/31/2011 4:00:45 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

Maybe we have hit on something here in name only...a sub is one who gets punished during S&M; but not for real life. A slave...well, he just gets it all the time!

I know it's a play on words but I have to be clear about my own thoughts on this.

S&M is play.....fun stuff. It's the sprinkles and icing stuff. That I can live without.

If I punish it's because someone has misbehaved, which even that wording bothers me for the following reason. I am in a relationship with an adult. If something goes wrong, one or both of us has failed the agreed upon dynamic..........the relationship. First I am going to look at myself, because that's what I do, and see if I screwed shit up somehow. Once I get past that point and determine the other person is indeed responsible for the problem, example: not following a clear order 'just because', while I am still going to want to know "WHY" there would be repercussions, aka punishment. And THAT will not be any sort of play. #1 I guarantee she will not like it, and #2 my motivator will not be 'fun'. Chances are it will be less fun for me than her simply because of the circumstances behind it.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 1/31/2011 8:25:42 PM

Chulain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
If I punish it's because someone has misbehaved

Oh, please, tell me, I'm dying to know how you genuinely punish an adult in a consensual relationship with you.

At least you admit you don't do it via BDSM play.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 2/1/2011 7:58:01 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain
Oh, please, tell me, I'm dying to know how you genuinely punish an adult in a consensual relationship with you.

At least you admit you don't do it via BDSM play.

The same way you do a child, which is why I don't generally have a punishment dynamic in my relationships.

I'm curious to know why you think a consenting adult could not cede sufficient authority over their decisions and moral compass for a punishment dynamic to work for them. It can and does work; it's just too much of a Mommy/child dynamic for me to be personally comfortable with.

I may administer some sharp physical reminders of their place, but our dynamic is more "alpha wolf disciplining and physically dominating subordinate" than punishment per se. That doesn't mean an actual punishment dynamic wouldn't work well for someone else.

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RE: Punishment/discipline for vanilla actions. - 2/1/2011 11:31:13 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
If I punish it's because someone has misbehaved

Oh, please, tell me, I'm dying to know how you genuinely punish an adult in a consensual relationship with you.

At least you admit you don't do it via BDSM play.

Dying?

Drama Queen.

Your posts might lead one to believe you've never been in any sort of meaningful relationship. That being the case, it is futile to explain to you how one might actually work.

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Post #: 30